From worst…to first.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
What a fucking awful movie. What a truly reprehensible film. God, this piece of cinematic work was garbage.
Can you tell how I feel?
The world part of the movies? The kids. The fucking kinds.
The introduction to Maisie Lockwood as a character, and her ridiculous clone storyline sent this franchise on a massive downhill trend.
I think part of what makes Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) the worst of the six full length movies are the expectations that came along with its release. Jurassic World (2015) was actually good. It captured the nostalgia well. Fallen Kingdom fell below everyone’s expectations.
STANKO RATING: D- (1.0/5 Stars)
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
I just wrote about this movie, and I want to repeat that it is not very good. It is not very good at all.
Jurassic World Dominion is far more of an Indiana Jones movie than a Jurassic Park movie. There are too many characters to track. There is a evil biotech storyline and the head CEO is a very poorly written callback to the original that does not work at all. Jurassic World Dominion has very few thrills but plenty of eye-rolling moments.
And if we are looking at this movie compared to the others, none of the dinosaurs come off as really cool. Have a better reveal for the Giganotosaurus?! He doesn’t even kill the T-Rex?? Would have also loved to have earlier hints or views of the Therizinosaurus. Why wait for the third act to introduce this spiny beast when it is going to take a part in the climax (which wasn’t very climactic). Just very convenient.
It was nice to have Grant and Saddler back, but the weird romantic feelings didn’t work. Also I want to see them in the wild and not in a lab.
Overall, it’s a disappointment even with lower expectations.
STANKO RATING: D- (1.0/5 Stars)
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Very heavy King Kong vibes with The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997). And that it what I dislike about it most. The ending to this sequel does not play well with me. Also this movie has the infant angle, which is duplicated to an extend in the Jurassic World sequels.
The start of this The Lost World: Jurassic Park is solid with a young girl being attacked by dinosaurs. Much more brutal way to start than I thought.
Is it weird that the character of Ajay Sidhu reminds me a little of Van Pelt from Jumanji (1995). Just the over-the-top obsession with the prize. I am not saying it is rational, but that is where my brain went.
Also had a hard time buying Ian Malcolm as the lead. This is one of those things where this beloved character is better in doses. I like Julianne Moore a lot so happy to see her, but am still flabbergasted by Vince Vaughn in the movie. What is he up to now anyway?
Steven Spielberg expressed his own disappointment with this movie after it came out. It struggles to reach the finish line and the homage to a classic can’t save it from sinking to the expectations of the culture back in the mid 1990s.
STANKO RATING: B (2.5/5 Stars)
Jurassic Park III (2001)
Yes, this is my hot take.
Jurassic Park III (2001) is not the best made of the sequels, but it is damn entertaining. The aviary scene is fantastic. It honestly is one of my favorite scenes from the entire franchise. Along side the Pteranodons being badass, the look of the Spinosaurus and it’s actions are so cool. The Spinosaurus takes down the Tyrannosaurus. This is the first time we see the T-Rex bested in the franchise. And Jurassic Park III made a dinosaur look more intimidating that T-Rex way better than any of the Jurassic World trilogy movies.
Now is the ringtone bit a bit too much Peter Pan Captain Hook for me? Yes. Is the velociraptor egg plot line a bit much and not too much? Yes. Is the character of Amanda Kirby very annoying for the majority of the movie? Yes.
I will defend Jurassic Park III far more than most. I also abides by the confines I enjoy more in this franchise. When the action stays in one place and doesn’t traverse over different oceans and countries, the story and action is doubly enjoyable.
STANKO RATING: B (3.5/5 Stars)
Jurassic World (2015)
Is Jurassic World (2015) another version of Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)?
The answer is yes.
Am I sucker for nostalgia juice?
The answer is also, yes.
Jurassic World captured Chris Pratt at the perfect time and it had a bad-ass dinosaur (scientifically created) as the main menace. Jurassic World followed the most important queue from Jurassic Park; it placed humans in danger from carnivorous monsters and didn’t worry too much about the human element.
Now Jurassic World also has the two kids in danger storyline. It has the idea of if a park with prehistoric beasts is a good idea theme running throughout it….
YES I GET IT IS A REMAKE OF JURASSIC PARK but I do not care!
You remember when I wrote earlier that Jurassic World Dominion did a bad job at hinting at the Therizinosaurus? Jurassic World showed us the Mosasaurus in a way that worked so when it came up during the finale sequence it wasn’t super convenient.
STANKO RATING: B (3.5/5 Stars)
Jurassic Park (1993)
It is the original. It is the OG. It is literally one of the greatest action/adventure movies of all-time. Based of the Michael Crichton book (which is damn good in its own right), Jurassic Park (1993) is one of the best blends of family appropriate suspense and adventure. Seeing this movie as a kid was not a walk in the park, but it is the defining movie for a generation of movie lovers. What young kid does not live dinosaurs and is there any better movie with dinosaurs in it?
We also can’t talk about Jurassic Park without mentioning Steven Spielberg.
Also, in this one calendar year, Spielberg has Jurassic Park come out…and Schindler’s List (1993). Talk about maybe the worst double-feature of all time? But talk about one of the best years as a film maker; you make an all-time classic that will be rewatched till the end of time. and then you have have a black-and-white deep drama about the Holocaust that won seven Oscars.
Spielberg. Legendary stuff.
Jurassic Park withstands the test of time in numerous ways. The way it is magically crafted. The practical effects. The iconic visuals (I can’t not think of the velociraptor in the window or the T-Rex chasing the Jeep). Jurassic Park is on a pantheon of all-time great movies.
STANKO RATING: A (5.0/5 Stars)
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