“Four years after the destruction of Isla Nublar, Biosyn operatives attempt to track down Maisie Lockwood, while Dr Ellie Sattler investigates a genetically engineered swarm of giant insects.”

Director: Colin Trevorrow
Writers: Emily Carmichael, Colin Trevorrow, Derek Connolly, Michael Crichton
Staring: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Laura Dern, Sam Niell, Jeff Goldblum, DeWanda Wise, Mamoudou Athie
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: June 6, 2022

Dinosaurs are roaming earth. An evil biotech company under the leadership of Lewis Dodgson (Campbell Scott) is wreaking havoc with his scientific discoveries. Own Grady (Chris Pratt) and Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) are living in the woods isolating with their adopted clone daughter Maisie Lockwood (Isabella Sermon), They have their own bodyguard with Blue, the velociraptor, living in the woods around them. In a shocking development, Blue had a child. The happiness is short lived when Blue is kidnapped by poachers, hired by Biosyn.

Dodgson is a shady character and Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) is on the case. She has been in contact with old friend Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum), but Sattler can’t do this without the help of silver fox himself, Alan Grant (Sam Neill). The trio reunites at Biosnyn headquarters looking to take down Dodgson and his dinosaur obsessed and power drunk brain.

It wouldn’t be Jurassic World Dominion without all the heroes reuniting in gargantuan effort to safe the world (and the farming industry). Grady and Dearing team up with rogue pilot for hire Kayla Watts (DeWanda Wise) to try and infiltrate Biosyn. Their landing is bumpy…to say the least. In the midst of trying to survive a fiery crash, the new group of bandits work through the danger and eventually meet up with the older rag-tag group of heroes.

You remember the moment when Grady and Grant both say “Don’t Move” from the trailer? Yes. It is that moment.

Together this fellowship work together to take down the evil corporation…and I guess set the dinosaurs free? That is left up for interpretation.

It is depressing the quality that has happened to the Jurassic Park franchise. It is disheartening that audiences still go and see bad movies like Jurassic World Dominion (2022) in droves in the movie theater. The third installment in this trilogy does little to inspire any love for the characters subjected to this piss-poor story.There is a bit of self-awareness from director Colin Trevorrow because Jurassic World Dominion doesn’t play out like any other Jurassic Park movie. This massive money-maker rolls out more like an Indiana Jones movie with its traversing worlds and placement of the characters in the center of a conspiracy for power.

You could make Jurassic World Dominion without dinosaurs. Instead of the locusts being made from dinosaur DNA, they could be made by a mad scientist with super-genius tendencies and the forest filled with prehistoric creatures can be henchmen with guns. Boom. That is a classic action/adventure movie. The script is not written to keep the dinosaurs in the front of mind. They are add-ons. Like barnacles on the bottom of a boat.

Now some may argue that the subplot of rescuing Blue’s baby makes the dinosaurs important. I would argue back that I don’t give a shit about Blue, the baby, and their connection to Owen Grady. This stems from the fact that I am not a pet person, but it also stems from the branch that I never, ever, for one second, was nervous that these velociraptors were in danger. I never for one moment thought the screenplay would steer towards tragic death. The writers of Jurassic Park: Forbidden Kingdom (2018) tried to make the people care when the dinosaurs were being destroyed by the volcano, but the hilarious meme/video of the boat driving away and the long-necked beast crumpling ruined all emotional depths.

It is also a travesty to see the two most iconic characters from the franchise weaponized as quick-hitters and (an admittedly very large and successful) marketing scheme. Seeing Alan Grant and Ellie Sattler like this was really sad. Witnessing the long-lust romantic sparks that people have been shipping for is cringe and not what I signed up for. Their interactions for with Ian Malcolm are reminiscent of the original, but the fan service of rehashing jeep drive-aways, walkie-talkie communications and unbuttoned shirts is not what makes a high quality movie.

Can we also talk about one of the worst continuity mistakes I have ever seen? When Grady and Dearing get in the plane with Kayla Watts (DeWanda Wise) you knew that the taradactle was going to attack the plane. We have seen this scene before in every commercial. The plane is going down and BAM it lands right in the middle of the frozen lake. We see the front windows get caved in with water.

Then we see Grady and Dearing climb out of the plane…which isn’t moving at all despite crashing at a super high velocity…and the pair of them are dry. They are as if they are walking through the desert. Actually, they’d be sweating in the desert. It is as if they are walking through a small NYC apartment with the air conditioner crackling on high. Not a lick of moisture. How on earth is that possible? That is just patently ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous. Are we supposed to know who Lewis Dodgson (Campbell Scott) is? We were supposed to know how important he is and what his goals are? I was texting a buddy of mine about Dominion and even he was a bit bamboozled by him. I just can really garner the hate for biotech CEO. I am really sorry, but it is just so stupid. Why did we need to make him the big bad? If you think about it, the best Jurassic Park movies are the ones where the most danger to the humans are the actual beasts. not other humans.

In Jurassic World Dominion, the audience is introduced to the most dangerous predator ever in the history earth in the most boring way possible. We have someone telling us that. Sure, in the opening scene of the extended edition we see the Giganotosaurus take down a T-Rex…but in the actual movie it’s just a scratch on the nose. I want to see the most dangerous predators be violent and be dangerous. In Jurassic Park we saw the T-Rex take down a poor soul in a herd and then there is a mention of the blood. We see the velociraptors claw at people.

There is little to zero scare factor in Jurassic World Dominion. The only jump comes in the mines when Grant, Sattler and Maisie Lockwood are trying to escape when their escape tube stops down. That was one of the best scenes of the movie, even if Ramsay Cole coming to the coding rescue very coincidently.

Jurassic World Dominion is not a good movie. It is not even entertaining. The extended edition on Peacock is even more of a slog to get through. I am very glad that I did not waste money on a movie theater trip to see this.

Time to go watch Jurassic Park, the original.

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