GABI’S HOMETOWN

  • We start in Vermont! Looks like we are going to be starting North and getting more south as we go.
  • Gabi seems absolutely hellbent on making Zach like maple syrup. The real maple syrup.
    • Gabi did seem genuinely hurt that Zach picked the fake maple syrup during the taste testing. I get it, specially if it is what defined part of your childhood. Zach seems to think it is more funny, which I would also be feeling if I was in his position.
      • HOWEVER, he and his family come out as psychopaths when he admitted that his family puts mustard on their pancakes.
        • SAY WHAT? This is worst than me putting nothing on my pancakes except for some fruit!
  • Before we get to the family, we have to address when Gabi and Zach screwed into a tree to get the natural sap. There are plenty of sexual innuendos. Can’t fit it in. It warm and wet. It fell out. Credit to these two for admitting that the phrases they were using were absolutely nuts.
  • So now let’s meet Gabi’s family.
    • THEY LIVE IN A FUCKING MANSION.
      • A four car garage?? That is an immediate sign.
      • Their house also looks fucking gorgeous.
    • Gabi’s sister Chloe recently got engaged and she wants to go through the wedding planning with her sister
      • I hope that Gabi’s sister is not waiting for her to start planning because you don’t know what is in it for Gabi.
      • Gabi’s brother does not seem very overbearing. That is the opposite of what we will see later.
    • Everything with the family really seemed to go fine. Not much at all to report. Fairly standard. Opening the episode with par for the course.
  • The end of the date has Gabi and Zach sitting on a bench talking things through.
    • Gabi, out of nowhere, says “Don’t forget about me.”
      • Well, that was kinda random? Zach seems sorta taken aback and note show he can never forget about her.
      • Gabi’s stress comes from being the first of the hometown dates. So we know the show is being edited to fit the order.
        • I get this fear. Maybe a weird way to show it, but I get it.

ARIEL HOMETOWN

  • Hello New York City. The worst city on earth. Not looking forward to this hometown date.
  • There is a fuck ton of eating on this hometown date.
    • We have pizza, a Jewish deli and some special drinks at a speakeasy.
      • The speakeasy is very cool. Have never been to one, but I would like to be.
  • Zach says he is nervous to meet Ariel’s family…and then Ariel tells him that all. he needs to worry about is her brother…who has threatened to beat up exes.
    • SURE ARIEL, THAT IS GOING TO HELP HIM. FOR SURE!
  • Ariel also shares that she takes her Jewish heritage to heard. She takes her history to heart. She has the pretty powerful quote about how her family is made of immigrants and that in order to understand her, you have to understand her family’s story.
  • Ariel seems to have a smile about the drama they are about to go into with meeting her family. Zach does not share the same smile.
  • So we head to a winery in Brooklyn. Is this the Brooklyn Winery? I am going to a wedding there this year!
  • Bobby looks intimidating, and he pulls Zach aside before he seemingly has a chance to get comfortable.
    • Zach is put up the wall first with the question about falling love in a short amount of time. This is a fair question, and I think that Zach handles it well. Some people believe it can happen faster than others, and that is okay. Bobby doesn’t seem to agree with that.
    • Bobby then asks about how he can connect with them having grown up with different backgrounds.
      • WTF kind of question is this? Everyone grows up differently in some sort kind of way. This question really made me angry. This made it seem like it was Bobby’s way or the highway.
    • Bobby continues to evisercate her sister’s potential hubby with the classic questions about middle name, birthday, favorite things, etc.
      • It is all about the small details, and Zach tries to say that it is exciting to figure out these things are you grow with people…but Bobby doesn’t like that at all.
    • Bobby is kind of an asshole.
  • Zach still has to talk to Ariel’s dad, so one hard conversation is not enough.
    • Zach doesn’t score a ton of points when he says that his final choice is still up in the air. No father wants to hear that when his daughter is on a love reality show.
  • We end the hometown date with Ariel bringing out Zach for a sit down and her telling him that she is falling for him.
    • This is probably a confidence booster that he needed, but the stressful night still looms on his face.
  • Also I hate to say this, but Ariel’s dress was not great. I was not a fan.

CHARITY’S HOMETOWN

  • Let’s head down to Georgia! We are in a bind ’cause we are way behind (on this recap) and we are willin’ to make a deal.
  • We are immediately thrown into a family picnic/tailgate with Charity’s family. Her dad seems like a gem because he has a huge smile on his face.
  • Charity is really going through the ringer on this hometown date…but not necessarily in the bad way?
    • Charity is just crying with a lot of people. She cries with her parents and her close friends.
      • She has classic girl time with her friends. Am happy for her for that.
  • Charity’s brother seems like a gem because all he wants is for her not to get hurt. Seems like he just wants her happiness and he will let her figure that out.
    • Hey Bobby, take lessons!
  • The family portion of this hometown date is really drama free. It is easy-going. I wish I had more to say, but I don’t.
  • After the picnic, Charity takes Zach to a local hole in the wall with music and dancing. This is a side of Charity that I really didn’t know!
  • She tells Zach that she is falling in love with him outside the bar and Zach seems to be excited because he says that she made his heart flutter.
  • There was not much to this hometown. It just just perfectly fine. All good things. No drama.

KAITY’S HOMETOWN

  • Now we get to the front runner Kaity. For her hometown, Zach gets to return to his hometown, and he gets to visit Kaity’s new home!
    • Kaity literally bought a house, and the gets to go on The Bachelor. She has just a ton of new things happening all at once.
    • She has only been there for a couple weeks, so she needs help getting situated…running errands!
  • Kaity and Zach go to the grocery store to pick things up for the house. They are comparing favorite foods, talking about what they like to get, and various other things. They also got flowers. That is something that Emma and I do as well.
    • One little plot hole here. Is Kaity going to get any fresh veggies? We better hope not because they are going to spoil when she surely makes it to fantasy suite week.
  • Back at the house, after putting away the groceries, Katiy is putting Zach to work building a bookshelf.
    • This is actually genius. Keep Zach moving and see how he reacts when the bookshelf breaks upon first build. I have build a bookshelf before, and it is not easy at all. The issue is the shelves. The issue is that they bend with the books and you have to hope they do not collapse.
  • Now it is time for Zach to meet Kaity’s family, and most importantly, her mother. With the father drama she has had in her fast, it is important that her mom be okay with it.
  • Kaity tells her aunt that she can see Zach being the father of her kids. That is something I don’t think anyone has said?
  • Kaity’s mom gives the all-important seal of approval, so Kaity tells Zach that she is falling in love with him. To Zach’s ears, that has to be the ultimate treasure.
  • I didn’t gleam much from the conversation between Zach and and Kaity’s mom? Did I miss that?

ROSE CEREMONY

  • We are back at The Mansion. Zach meets with Sean again…to really no avail. He still doesn’t seem to have his mind made up.
    • Zach contradicts himself a bit later…
  • I was very surprised that Charity went home. I really did not see anything wrong with their hometown date.
    • it was different. They had the picnic first, then the hanging out after.
      • I actually like this concept more because you can debrief after meeting the family and talk how things went and really have things to talk about.
    • The contradiction I am talking about is that Zach mentioned that he woke up in the morning and felt terrible right away with what was going on.
      • So did Zach know early in the morning? Even though he said that he didn’t know what he was doing to do in interviews?
  • Ariel gets the first rose from Zach during the rose ceremony, and who can blame Zach. Ariel looks stunning in the most elegant of the dresses of the four.
  • Kaity’s dress was the shortest of the bunch but she looked great.
  • I was not a huge fan of Gabi or Charity’s dresses, and they were the last two.
    • Heading into this episode I had the bold prediction that Gabi was going home because she was going to be too inside her own head. I thought that I was pretty close because their goodbye wasn’t the best.
  • I really thought that Charity would make it to the final three. I was wrong.

CHARITY IS THE NEXT BACHELORETTE

  • But perhaps Charity is the big winner?
  • It was announced on the Women Tell All (which I did not watch, so do not come at me) that Charity is going to be the next Bachelorette.
  • My reaction is…okay?
    • I do not dislike Charity at all. All of the final four women for Zach I am a fan of for various reasons.
    • The biggest worry I have about Charity is that she is…Normal.
      • Now, now, now. I know Zach was normal before his season. To be fair, he still is. But this season of The Bachelor is actually very good, but that is not because of the person of the hour. That is because of the contestants.
        • I think that it is very hard for men to be as compelling as the women. The men don’t share things as openly. That is my biggest worry with Charity.
  • With all that being said, will I still watch The Bachelorette in the summer when it plans to air? Absolutely.

(MY) POWER RANKINGS

No. 3
Ariel

(Last Week No. 2)

I an so confident that it is Ariel that Zach sleeps with and causes so much chaos

No. 2
Gabi

(Last Week No. 3)

Gabi is sticking around and she still has the L bomb to drop. She is holding it for the right moment…

No. 1
Kaity

(Last Week No. 1)

I loved that she made Zach build furniture and run errands. That is real life stuff. It is just perfect.
ELIMINATED: Charity

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