Movies…with a little bit of obscure culture and sports mixed in
“A couple on a romantic getaway find themselves stranded at sea when a tropical storm sweeps away their villa. In order to survive, they are forced to fight the elements, […]
“A couple on a romantic getaway find themselves stranded at sea when a tropical storm sweeps away their villa. In order to survive, they are forced to fight the elements, while sharks circle below.”
Director: Le-van Kiet
Writer: Le-van Kiet
Staring: Alicia Silverstone, James Tupper
Release Date: January 28, 2022
I say this with all sincerity. The Requin (2022) is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It gets the infamous “F-” rating. Yea I am telling you what grade I gave it right off the top. That is how much I don’t want you to watch The Requin. Do yourself a favor and never log into Hulu, never search for this movie, and be happy that you didn’t have to watch this monstrosity.
First gripe. What horseshit lie is this movie poster.
There were no large sharks in The Requin! THAT IS A BONE FACE LIE! There are some small sharks. There are some attempt at scares and thrills. However, there is nothing about a big shark in The Requin. Requin means “Shark” in french. Well I shall say “C’est Pas Vrai” in terms of the poster. Horseshit.
The only shark we get to see that we actually get a size of is one that leaps out of the water like a dolphin and attempts to get at Jaeyln (Alicia Silverstone) like a dog that attempts to catch a water hose spigot. However, we don’t feel bad about the missed opportunity because the CGI is so bad. Like, horrifically bad.
Before we start with the visual effects and how bad they are, and how the acting is high school theater-esq, let’s finally take a look at the plot.
Jaelyn and her husband Kyle (James Tupper) are on vacation on a very nice remote. They are trying their best to have a quality time after heartbreak. Jaelyn had a miscarriage and she is still dealing with the emotional consequences and understandable PTSD from tragedy, but her path to recovery takes a detour to the ocean when their villa gets swept away in a giant storm.
Jaelyn and Kyle are left alone surrounded by salt water, and things are not going well. Kyle has a broken leg and it is bleeding. Cue the sharks. Or least the semblance of them. The two have 90 minutes to viewing experience to try and survive, but you will have a harder time trying to keep your attention than them trying to keep their limbs.
The Requin cost 8,500,000 dollars. Yes, that is the real number. If I had 8.5 millions dollars, I would do a lot better than creating some of the worst visual effects of all-time. When Jaelyn and Kyle are floating in the ocean and it pans out to wide shots, the visuals are just terrifyingly bad. The boat looks like it is Styrofoam floating on oil. There are no shadows, no actual pattern to the motion of the ocean. Then we get to the sharks. There is nothing remotely life-like around them. They are so shiny and glossy. It is off putting. Not a scar of their bodies. It is as if they were made of wiffle ball plastic.
Alicia Silverstone. You remember her from Clueless (1995)? Well, she has gotten older.
That is about all I got.
There is nothing good about The Requin, and that includes Silverstone and her co-star James Tupper. The acting is just poor. All-the-way-around. It is just bad.
Okay, so where does The Requin rank in terms of terrible movies I have seen? There are very few. Below is a list:
OH, ANOTHE REASON TO HATE THIS MOVIE. This really irks me to my core. So much so. The marketing team of this movie made the tagline “In the Open Water, No One Can Hear You Scream” WHICH IS A DIRECT RIPOFF OF Alien (1979) which is easily one of the my favorite movies of all time. And of my favorite taglines of all-time.
That is a good idea for a blog later. best taglines of all-time. That is a good one.
But fuck The Requin.
Again, I am begging you. DO NOT watch The Requin on Hulu. DO NOT.
STANKO RATING: F- (0.5/5 Stars)
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