“Biochemist Michael Morbius tries to cure himself of a rare blood disease, but he inadvertently infects himself with a form of vampirism instead.”

Director: Daniel Espinosa
Writers: Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless
Staring: Jared Leto, Matt Smith, Adria Arjona, Jared Harris, Tyrese Gibson, Al Madrigal, Michael Keaton
Release Date: April 1, 2022

Sometimes the rumors are true. Sometimes the masses are correct.

Morbius (2022) is as bad as everyone said it is.

I didn’t think it was possible, but oh does it live up to its horrendously low expectations.

Morbius was in developmental hell, and the extra time put to finally finishing the product did not help the final result. The movie plays on double speed but even as the story is drastically unfurling in front of you, it is blatantly obvious that the vision and execution of this movie changed more than a handful of times.

For example, I wanna know what the fuck happened with Morbius’ first transition into his meta state. This scene, which had the highest ceiling of any in the movie, fell to deplorable depths. Nothing about it is dramatic or suspenseful. He is trapped in a room, then breaks out in slow motion and all of a sudden it is just him flinging around in a ship. There was no moment for the audience to pause and see what was happening. It was just thrown into the deep end, but rather than it being a clean jump, the movie has jagged rocks and disgusting mildew everywhere.

The editing with this scene. What was the vibe they were going for?

Morbius needs to drink blood. We see blood in the movie. But we see none of it when he slashes the throat of one of the armed men.

I guess this is where we can bring up Jared Leto. There are reports that he did his maniac method acting for this movie, which really seems outrageous. He was using the crutches that Dr. Michael Morbius uses on set, and he would delay shoots and entire days with the time it took him to travel everywhere. They resorted to pushing him to the bathroom in a wheelchair to try and make things better.

One has to respect a person who cares for his craft, but these people also have to have a sense of self-awareness when what they are doing doesn’t warrant 100% effort. Sometimes good is good enough. Marvel movies aren’t iconic for their acting. It is for the action scenes, the mythology and the interconnectivity of the story.

Morbius has none of that.

One thing Morbius does have in common with other Marvel movies is a villain problem.

Matt Smith plays Milo, another man suffering from the same ill-fated disease that is afflicting Morbius. The two have worked in tandem for a solution and Milo gets furious when he finds out that Morbius has found a way to make himself healthy. Now Morbius has the fairly valid argument that you don’t want to be a healthy monster, and physical health doesn’t mean mental health/life satisfaction. On the other hand, Milo is just like “FEED ME THE CURE!”

This meta argument, which is actually a deep thought and worthy of being unknotted, is handled in one scene. There is one argument about it and then never addressed in full again.

This is going to be a random thought, but imagine if Morbius addressed this idea of living but being a monster like the Todd McFarlane’s Spawn on HBO. That show really delved into that, and the internal struggle that Spawn had when killing the bad guys and hating himself for behaving the way he was. Here is to hoping that Jamie Foxx’s Spawn movie is better than the 1997 version. Foxx has compared his interpretation to Joker (2021). If it gets that dark, bloody and bleak, I am all for it.

But back to Matt Smith. There is a scene in Morbius that is just a cut away to Milo working out, doing pushups, then dancing, and then cutting back to a landscape shot of the movie.

I mean, what the fuck is this?

The google search for this scene autofilled. That is how many people have looked up this scene to laugh at it.

This is old news now, but Sony rereleased Morbius into over 1000 theaters in June hoping to capitalize on some Internet chatter. But nothing online is real life. The movie grossed about $300,000 on its rerelease. And the reviews did not get any better. For a Marvel movie, Morbius was an utter failure generating just 39 millions dollars on its opening weekend and hovering around 75 million domestically.

It’s hard to blame anyone who doesn’t want to see it. I watched Morbius on a plane, and it was not even worthy of that divided attention. I second screened the movie and I was both perplexed and bored. Morbius is one of the worst movies of 2022, and ranks as one of the worst superhero movies ever put to market. Even critical disappointments like Ghost Rider (2007) and Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance (2011) have more legs to stand on than this mess.

There are two post credit scenes after Morbius, but I had zero interest to watch them at all. One involved Michael Keaton. Id don’t know. I don’t care.

STANKO RATING: F (1.0/5 Stars)

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