The Expendables; All Women Edition
In 2010 Sylvester Stallone got together a bunch of action heroes and made a movie called The Expendables. The movie pokes fun at the lovable action movie franchise tropes and […]
Movies…with a little bit of obscure culture and sports mixed in
In 2010 Sylvester Stallone got together a bunch of action heroes and made a movie called The Expendables. The movie pokes fun at the lovable action movie franchise tropes and […]
In 2010 Sylvester Stallone got together a bunch of action heroes and made a movie called The Expendables. The movie pokes fun at the lovable action movie franchise tropes and it stars ass-kickers that span across different generations.
Stallone followed up The Expendables with The Expendables 2 (2012) and The Expendables 3 (2014). We can ignore the third one (if we are being honest), but there is a fourth movie coming out on September 22, 2023.
The Expendables male slop. No denying it. It is just entertainment trash that anyone who grew up watching action movies would rummage through dumpsters to see. Anyone who has seen the movies, whether it be voluntarily or by force, can come one one really quick realization. The casts are almost all entirely male.
I’ve decided it is time to flip the script. There are now more than a plenty of women who can make up an action movie like The Expendables. Something like this was done a bit poorly with The 355 (2022). It took itself too seriously, and did not have enough explosions. What I am going to do below is list women, ten of which will be heroes, and others who is going to be the evil overlord that everyone is fighting against.
This is just for fun because I would want to see this movie.
This is a leadership pick. Viola Davis can lead any group of men or women. Most recently she was Nanisca in The Woman King (2022), and before that she was Amanda Waller in the DC universe. She was the best part of the very disappointing Black Adam (2022).
I am thinking about Davis in Widows (2018) when she led a rag tag group of women on a revenge tour.
Davis could be a member on this team as a paper pusher or as a machete throwing barbarian. Either vibe fits.
Ana De Armas has the action chops, she just needs to make better choices. The Gray Man (2022), and Ghosted (2023) are not well received, but she was all sorts of fantastic in her short time in No Time To Die (2021).
I am taking a bit of a leap of faith because De Armas is going to be in Ballerina (2024), which is an extension of the John Wick universe. She is going to be at the forefront of action movie fans mind, and hopefully her memory will be more lasting than her streaming adventures over the last two years.
Also need some younger blood among the veterans.
Don’t leave the blog. Don’t do it.
In the original Expendables we have Stone Cold Steve Austin in the mix. This is spreading the wealth. Charlotte Flair is a beautiful, terrifying individual.
Sorry Rhonda Rousey, but you were among the Expendables trilogy. We are giving this opportunity to Flair who has a chance to flex her muscle. Also could you see her doing a “WHOOOO” after a crazy hill?
There are going to be three legendary actresses who are going to be part of this make believe movie. Linda Hamilton is one of those three. As Sarah Connor, Linda Hamilton broke the mold. James Cameron has a knack for making an action star out of nothing. Much like Aliens (1986), the sequel amped up the female hero’s badassery. Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) as an all-time classic. Let Linda carry a rocket launcher on her shoulder one last time.
In doing some research, it became blatantly clear that we couldn’t make this movie without Pam Grier in it. According to Quentin Tarantino, Grier was the first female action star. That is some high prais .
Grier was a blockbuster talent in the mid 1970s; Jack Hill’s Coffy (1973) and Foxy Brown (1974), the comic strip character Friday Foster (1975), and William Girdler’s ‘Sheba, Baby’ (1975). She was the pioneer for women in blaxploitation films and then reached new audiences in Tarantino’s Jackie Brown (1997).
Staggering in the young blood. Ana De Armas is going to be the younger beautiful bombshell that is going to get everyone’s attention. Jessica Henwick is the young beautiful bombshell who is way more likely to kick your ass.
She has been part of Marvel projects as Colleen Wing on the Netflix original shows. She had a stint on Game Of Thrones and she has been a part of a pair of PG-13 action adventures in Love And Monsters (2020) and The Matrix Resurrections (2021).
This is me calling my shot. She deserves to be on this list way more than someone like Rousey.
Ana De Armas is the fluid kill ’em with moves type of action hero, and Michelle Rodriguez is the brute force NOT TODAY type of hero.
Rodriguez has a ton of experience in franchise action movies between the Fast & The Furious and Resident Evil films. Recently Rodriguez has branched out with the recent success Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023).
The first thing I think of with Rodriguez is her introduction in S.W.A.T (2003). She hangs with the big boys and can beat the fuck out of them.
Charlize Theron is the new Sigourney Weaver. Maybe she was the new one and now some newcomers are nipping at her heels, but Theron is still am absolute must have. Max Max: Fury Road (2015) is elite, elite, elite. Atomic Blond (2017) is outstanding, and let’s not forget her time in the science fiction thriller world with Prometheus (2012). Theron is currently in the Fast & The Furious franchise, but she isn’t used to her full potential there.
I wrote out Aliens in Linda Hamilton’s blurb so as a result it is mandatory that I add Weaver to this fictional violent masterpiece. She still can do some physical stuff with her efforts in the Avatar franchise. She is holding water with the best of them. If there is one argument against Weaver, it’s that she knows more about aliens as foes than humans. How will she adjust to having to kill a fellow humanoid?
I think that Weaver will handle herself just fine.
When you can get the newest Oscar winner on the list, then you have to. Yeoh proves that she still has action chops with the zaniness of Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022). She first reached mainstream American audiences with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000), which won four Oscars on its own.
Here is what I think Yeoh’s vibe would be in the contingent. She would be like the ass hole mom in Crazy Rich Asians (2018). She has the ability to hurt you physically with moves, but nothing hurts more than her words. I want to take Yeoh and make her a unlikable part of this hero group. She connects to one of the henchmen and you understand why her enemy hates her.
Also, I love that Yeoh appeared in Mechanic: Resurrection (2016). Just a short lived action franchise. Love it.
Lena Headley is a pros pro when it comes to action movies. She knows how to play the quiet, angry, give me what I want domineering presence. You have Cersei Lannister from Game Of Thrones, Queen Gorgo from 300 (2006) and Sarah Connor from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. However, I just can’t ignore Headley as Ma-Ma in Dredd (2012). A fantastic bad guy. Just a brutal person who was ruthless. Skinned people while on Slo-Mo. Let’s have Headley lead a evil militia army and wreak blood-filled havoc.
Henchman number two.
Jennifer Lawrence was the selfless hero as Katniss Everdeen. She was the anti-hero/middle ground as Mystique. Now, let’s have Lawrence take the full plunge into antagonism.
While an actress to be named a bit is the quiet henchman, Lawrence can play the loud and crazy one. Give me a little bit of SIlver Linings Playbook (2012) vibe. Loud, unapologetic and rude. All you need to do is throw in some punches and kicks.
Henchman number one. Maggie Q.
I am picturing Maggie Q as the quiet, but deadly, assassin. Like a Lady Deathstrike from X2: X-Men United. She can kill you with a look, or with her hands. She can not be fucked with.
Maggie Q has some franchise experience with Mission: Impossible III (2006), Divergent (2014) and Live Free Or Die Hard (2007). She also had an action TV show in Nikita that ran 73 episodes.
Recently Maggie Q had The Protégé (2021) which is the perfect dumb rated R action movie.
Perhaps Maggie Q’s character was a protégé of Michelle Yeoh’s character, but an action by Yeoh’s character led to a revolt. And there is not redemption at the end
We have to save some stars for the sequels. We can’t have all the heavy hitters big names all at once. Have to spread the wealth for when some of these characters die, expire, ect.
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