Stanko's Stance

A new season of The Bachelorette is upon us, and I for one am very excited. The Bachelor In Paradise visage has worn off (well it did over the last three weeks if I am being honest) and now we can get to the bread and butter of the franchise.

Season 18 of the The Bachelorette begins on October 19, so as a bit of a preview, let us work through bios and see who is going to be vying for the heart of Michelle Young.

Alec

29
Engineer
North Charleston, SC

• So Alec has been married before. We are riding off of the high of Mike A. in Katie’s season, so Alec has some things to live up too.
• We have an “emotional” intelligence line dropped in the bio…
• Alec is a career driven man; maybe a little conceded when you read the bio.
• Alec’s fun facts are neither that much for or interesting? I disagree about the bowing, it can be fun.

ABC Bio

Brandon J.

26
Traveling Nurse Recruiter
Portland, OR

• Brandon J. is one of four 26 year olds in the cast.
• “Passionate personality to keep up with his.” – Why do we need the “to keep up with his?” part? That doesn’t seem necessary and just makes Brandon J. seem a little conceded?
• Ok Brandon J, guess what? Everyone is trying to figure it out on a daily basis, so why do you think you are so high and mighty.
• So Brandon is a basketball fiend? This is a gimmick contestant who will not make it far.
• Oh, he hopped on stage at a Lil Wayne and Drake concert? So he is a stage hog and is going to try and be the center of attention.

ABC Bio

Brandon K.

29
Brand Manager
Austin, TX

• Brandon K. is a cutie.
• He has in his bio that he wants to make a social impact which is exactly what Michelle had said on Matt’ James season
• Brandon’s bio is a little vague…not a lot to munch on which might be good for him.
• Does anyone actually know the Cha-Cha Slide dance?
• Delivering an over-sized check would be cool but I’d much rather receive one.

ABC Bio

Bryan

31
NFL Player
Chicago, IL

• The trend of pro athletes continues with Bryan, the former NFL player. Bryan was a practice squad player who bounced around the Houston Texans, New Orleans Saints, Dallas Cowboys, Kansas City Chiefs, Minnesota Vikings, Chicago Bears, Cleveland Browns, Miami Dolphins, Carolina Panthers and Atlanta Falcons.
• Throwing in the love for romantic comedies and his older sisters is nice tough, i enjoy that.
• Bryan loving to travel is tough for Michelle who is a teacher, AKA tied down for the majority of the year.
• Loving Socrates is probably unique for a football locker room.
• Thinking that orchids are majestic is something that will be unique among all the men. Bryan has a unique bio, have to give him that.

ABC Bio

Casey

36
Advertising Creative Director
Miami Beach, FL

• Would be interested to see what creative projects he has overseen.
• Also preach on finding someone who doesn’t give a shit about documenting everything they do.
• He is big into family…wants kids right away. He is old enough to say that and it isn’t weird.
• So Casey links glamping? He likes camping but not in tents? Is taht really camping?
• Eggs scrambled with salsa seems more west coast than Florida.
• Casey…not a smiler in his photo. Series dude. Getting upset dad vibes?

ABC Bio

Chris G.

28
Motivational Speaker
Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

• I am so perplexed by the coat, sweatshirt, color combo that Chris G. is wearing
• We have another Canadian. They have had a good run lately with Serena P. carrying the torch.
• UGHHHHH Chris G. does spoken word and poetry and we are going to have to see him do it.
• He has cats so that scores points with my girlfriend. The names of “Cat” and “Small Cat” may lose her though.

ABC Bio

Chris S.

28
Commodities Broker
West Hollywood, CA

• Chris S. has a very good smolder in his photos. Also the Clark Kent, Superman hair flip.
• Okay, I see now in the bullet points that he mentions the Blue Steel face, so he has now lost more points.
• What commodities does he deal with in Hollywood? Sounds like a shady title.
• Chris, burnt pizza is not bad. Burnt Pizza is perfectly fine.
• Chris has a lot of planning done out; he knows what he likes (or at least portrays it).

ABC Bio

Clayton

28
Medical Sales Rep
Columbia, MO

• I like the color of Clayton’s shirt but his headshot looks really photoshopped.
• From MIssouri…that has to be unique for Bachelor Universe.
• Hmmm, directly mentioning joining him in gym for workout. That is one step over looking for someone who is active.
• Clayton relates to Michelle with his mom being a teacher. He also mentioned the students in his bio. Huge pull.
• Of fuck him, he has a rap alter ego.
• Clayton wants to own and run a gym business but he is a medical sales rep?

ABC Bio

Daniel

26
Firefighter
Austin, TX

• Daniel looks like a spider.
• He is a very active man being a firefighter in a big city and all his hobbies.
• Okay, I really like Daniel’s bio. It does not seem too pretentious and it doesn’t end in a question or an exclamation mark.
• Daniel is a connect for champion…do we get connect four challenges in the mansion? Is this season happening in the mansion?

ABC Bio

Edward

27
Wellness Coach
Los Angeles, CA

• Shit. Another wellness coach and public speaker guy. God damnit. I don’t want another Karl.
• “Emotionally articulate…” That is what Edward is looking for. I can’t tell if that is smart or just rude.
• UGH. A freaking obsessed dog person. No demands on the dog person.
• I do not like Edward. That is my take.
• No one should dream of going to Disney World.
• Ok, I’ll admit a good obstacle course is fun. But still not enough to win me over, Edward.

ABC Bio

Garrett

33
Tech CEO
Salt Lake City, UT

• From Utah…is he mormon?
• Sounds like Garrett is from wealth with his world traveling.
• I wonder how Michelle will feel about a school dropout? Even though he did well after the fact.
• Why the fuck would you admit to be called “plant daddy”

ABC Bio

Jack

30
Former Army Officer
Philadelphia, PA

• Army guy. He immediately gets past week one. Those are the rules.
• Jack enjoys hiking. It really seems like everyone loves hiking from this cast.
• Jack will throw up at the sight of an onion? Does he not like taste?
• I do feel like Michelle would be a good dancer and vibe with it so can’t wait for him to squirm.
• Does Jack arrive in his military garb?

ABC Bio

Jamie

32
Biotech CEO
San Diego, CA

• If Jamie is a catch, then why is he still single?
• Me and Jamie would not be friends. He lets the winds carry him meanwhile I am there trying to go with the flow.
• Jamie has never watched an episode of reality TV but he is going to appear on The Bachelorette? That seems odd.
• Will Jamie bring a piece of Ecuadorian chocolate and will he say Michelle is the best piece of chocolate he has ever tasted?

ABC Bio

Joe

28
Real Estate Developer
Minneapolis, MN

• We have a basketball player here, a D1 player from the University of Minnesota.
• If basketball is his first love then wonder how he has stayed involved with it during the course of his life.
• I respect Joe loving snacks, but that is not a unique thing.
• I wonder how may kids Michelle will want? Being a teacher she has to love kids but she also has to grow tired of them?
• I think I like Joe. I am getting positive vibes and his smile is resonating.

ABC Bio

JoMarri

26
Personal Trainer
Fresno, CA

• He falls hard and he falls fast for love. Like many on this show, you have to in order to appear on The Bachelorette.
• JoMarri would love to be a tour guide in Antartica. Not just go there, but lead a tour. That is something unique for sure.
• We have another puppy lover. Brownie points for the majority of folks.
• A second person who wants to own a gym as well. But this one is a personal trainer, unlike Clayton who is not in any business related to gyms or working out.

ABC Bio

Leroy

27
Biomedical Ph.D Student
Dallas, TX

• We have a med student on the show? How the hell he is doing that? Just taking a semester off?
• The immigrant story is awesome and now he is studying to do something medical. That is the American Dream. Cant get upset with that.
• This line is really sweet: “Leroy loves brunch, but nothing makes him happier than holding hands with the woman he loves.”
• Leroy does not like the gamble…but will he gamble on love?

ABC Bio

LT

38
Yoga Guru
Bellevue, WA

• So LT is admitting he has never had struggle and is coasting through life? That sounds FARRR to good to be true. He is a liar.
• I like the watching old movies, that is kind little touch.
• What do Savannah cats look like? They have huge ears. That fits the state of Washington vibe.

ABC Bio

Martin

29
Personal Trainer
Miami, FL

• I was going to question Martin’s hair but then I saw that he was from Miami and it all made sense.
• If Martin is a disciplined worker-outer, how will be handle the mansion living? There will be a lot of free time to workout, but the eating, etc.
• They used teaching in his bio and related it to his parents for another call to Michelle and her job.
• Will we get traveling back on this season of The Bachelorette? Random question but a ton of people are talking about traveling, etc.

ABC Bio

Mollique

36
Academic Administrator
San Diego, CA

• An Academic Advisor. That has to be at a college or university, right?
• Mollique’s favorite author is Nicholas Sports. That is sappiness so he may be confident in himself. I want to ask Mollique what his thoughts are for the movie?
• Mollique has a son so we have three fathers on the show.
• His morals of “selfless, patient and well-mannered” do fit Michelle very well.
• The blond dyed hair must be a thing and a trend I do not know about.

ABC Bio

Nayte

27
Sales Executive
Austin, TX

• I don’t want to be mean. How do you pronounce Nayte’s name?
• HE IS 6’8″??? Jesus is Michelle has the tall man rule then Nayte is all good.
• Nayte’s bio got the teammate line in there for the basketball aspect of Michelle.
• Who doesn’t like edible arrangements?
• I don’t think that Nayte is the only 6 foot 8 inch guy to struggle dancing. That is a lot of limb to control.

ABC Bio

Olumide

27
IT Analyst
Newark, NJ

• We have a Rutgers basketball alum here.
• There is not a lot of depth to Olumide’s bio which means he either makes it far and he doesn’t get anywhere.
• I can respect an athlete who also enjoys the theater. Have to spread the wealth.
• The shirt Olumide is wearing looks like windbreaker type materials but isn’t a windbreaker so I am confused.

ABC Bio

Pardeep

30
Neuroscientist
Brooklyn, NY

• Neuroscientist. He is smarter than the rest of us. Also, he is just a better soul because he is looking for solutions to Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.
• Pardeep also loves Comic-Con so he is a nerd. Pardeep is starting to win my hard.
• Pardeep loves to sleep in on Saturday’s and New York’s Eve. I don’t like ever one of these things.
• Also, I want Pardeep’s outfit is fire. Pardeep is high on my list.

ABC Bio

Peter

26
Pizzapreneur
Port St. Joe, FL

• A pizza what? A Pizzapreneur?
• Peter moved to Italy to study cuisine…and he loves Pizza. He looks like an Italian.
• Wanting a culinary empire…that is a way to phrase it.
• Peter fucking loves food. It is his number one priority.
• House music and no libraries? Peter and I would not be friends.

ABC Bio

PJ

30
Firefighter
Houston, TX

• PJ looks like a movie character. He is the swashbuckling firefighter. He and Daniel will battling it out for the top axe.
• “Nothing lights his fire…” That is a pun that actually made me smirk.
• This is the second person who has said he is the last single friend of his friends group and that worries me about his notifications.
• I don’t like the Opera either PJ. Theater and Broadway is cool. Opera is boring.

ABC Bio

Rick

32
Medical Sales Rep
Los Angeles, CA

• Don’t like his eyes. Don’t like his eyebrows. They are scaring me.
• Rick may have won me over because he loves game board nights to see the insights of a person and see how competitive they are. Those are really good things.
• Get the #Swoon out of here.
• GTFO out of here saying you learned everything at Hitch.
• Rick is not a fan of double dates…well he is super duper fucked on The Bachelorette.

ABC Bio

Rodney

29
Sales Rep
Rancho Cucamonga, CA

• Rodney literally looks like a cuddly teddy bear.
• What was Rodney’s career-end injury? The NFL trend continues.
• Interesting that Rodney is looking for a student-athlete. Specific about it.
• Intermittent fasting…will that be effected if he is on dates? That is not a lifestyle for everyone.

ABC Bio

Romeo

32
Mathematician
New York, NY

• A Romeo is a mathematician. He is smarter than I.
• Ugh, the fucking Romeo and Juliet math formula thing. I get it, you have to do it, but still.
• Nothing turns him on more than someone with a curious mind. I do like that.
• Studying abroad in Japan for three years? That is pretty cool. That is some good culture.
• Romeo looks a good person. Just the smile and look. He looks nice.

ABC Bio

Ryan

30
Environmental Consultant
San Jose, CA

• Ryan has Jared Carrabis hair.
• Compassionate and competitive. Those two traits I can get behind.
• What is a raisin ranch? Is it literally a ranch for growing raisins? Never heard of such a thing.
• I respect that Ryan is a list maker. I am as well. Also Ryan loves excel spreadsheets, so just kudos all the way around.
• Also Ryan is an enthusiastic cuddler? Ryan and I are very close to one another. We have some things.

ABC Bio

Spencer

25
Financial Crimes Analyst
Cleveland, OH

• Financial crime analyst seems like an awesome job. One you definitely have to be smart for.
• Spencer has a son! Will it be possible for him to go through the process? Will he be a Hunter or a Michael A.?
• Spencer loves to spend time in a hot tub, so he is going to be PERFECT for The Bachelorette.
• OH SPENCER, YOU HAVE JUST LANDED ON MY SHIT LIST! YOU DON’T LIKE MOVIES THAT REQUINRE ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION?? SPENCER, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!
• spencer will no longer have his name capitalized. That is my protest.

ABC Bio

Will

28
Academic Interventionist
Grand Rapids, MI

• WTF is an academic interventionist?
• The “tired of being only single one in his group of friends” screams looking for a relationship but not looking for love.
• Will, I love when people give money as a gift. Money is practical.
• Well I am a Leo too but I hate the fact that he put a horoscope on his bullet points.
• Based off what I have read on Will…I do not think he is the type of to climb Mount Everest.

ABC Bio

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