Stanko's Stance

“A G.I. Joe spin-off centered around the character of Snake Eyes.”

Director: Robert Schwentke
Writers: Evan Spiliotopoulos, Joe Shrapnel, Anna Waterhouse
Staring: Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Haruka Abe, Takehiro Hira, Iko Uwais
THEATERS!
Release Date: July 23, 2021

Where Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins went wrong was when it decided it wanted to be a G.I. Joe movie. Folks, that’s not a good thing when you want to start a new cinematic universe.

Snake Eyes stars Henry Golding and follows Snake Eyes on his rise from obscure crime-committing cage fighter to a deadly G.I. Joe ally. On his rise to maturity Snake Eyes meets with crime gangs, shady characters and an ancient Japanese group called the Arashikage. Snake Eyes is brought into the secret club and is taught on how to be a ninja warrior, but his journey is made rocky with broke allegiance and relationships. Will Snake Eyes shape up to the challenges he faces, or will he bow to temptations?

Here is the truth. By the end, you don’t even care.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is just not a good movie, even by satisfying action movie standards. The action is poorly shot throughout and the story fizzles out without even a whimper. Henry Golding does his best to make the hero appetizing to the audience, but his supporting cast (which becomes overstuffed in the end) is nothing to write home about. The fantasy branded ending was when the story went off the deep end. Sorry to all the G.I. Joe stan out who are crying explaining why this is part of the lore or what have you…none of it is going to change my mind.

The cumbersome ending came with the late addition of two major characters. Úrsula Corberó plays Baroness, who is a women in power with the shadow conglomerate known as Cobra, AKA the big bad guys in the G.I. Joe universe. All I can say about her is blahhh. Samara Weaving then entered fray as Scarlett, an agent of G.I. Joe. As a huge Weaving fan, I wish that she had more things to do on screen besides talk into a phone and get a pay check.

We should talk about how expectations for Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins were always a bit too high. The director of this movie is Robert Schwentke, the man who gave the world RED (2010) which is solid, but then followed it up with R.I.P.D. (2013), The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015), and Allegiant (2016). SHEESH. Those cheaper budget action movie explains why he may have resorted to the shaky cam action trend. He is not used to having the resources…WAIT! HOLD THE HORSES. I HAVE DONE THE RESEARCH.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins had a 88 million dollar budget. That is LESS THAN what R.I.P.D., The Divergent Series: Insurgent, and Allegiant had allotted to them. It is very funny that the best action Schwentke has done has been with this lowest budgeted movie, RED.

Skip Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins. Just skip it.

STANKO RATING: D (1.5/5 Stars)

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