“Plot unknown. Sequel to the 2018 film ‘The Meg’.”

Director: Ben Wheatley
Writer: Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber, Dean Georgaris
Staring: Jason Statham, Jing Wu, Sienna Guillory, Cliff Curtis, Skyler Samuels
Release Date: August 4, 2023

You thought I was writing about Oppenheimer (2023) today? No, no, no. We are talking about The Meg 2: The Trench (2023). The epitome of cinema.

I mean look at the still of that trailer. That is the thumbnail. Jason Statham, returning as Jonas, bracing himself against a prehistoric shark that size of a city block. Maybe bigger? Only the bald-headed action movie super star has the leg press skills to deny this dinosaur-esq killing machine his daytime snack.

According to IMDB, The Meg 2 doesn’t have an official plot yet, but I think it is safe to guess what Jonas and crew are going to be battling in this sequel. Giant sharks. Giant, thought extinct, but very much alive sharks. These megalodon beasts are hungry and they are going to be eating everything in creates a vibration or makes a sound. Of the handful of megalodons that Jonas and his friends have seen, this greatest advertisement for animal floss is going to have the biggest megalodon they have ever seen. And there is nothing like a small dog on a movie poster to put on a massive scale.

So talking about this trailer. Let’s start right at the beginning. 65 million years ago, when megalodons had rocket propelled fins to jump up onto sandy beaches and take down carnivorous beasts. Physics be damned, we don’t need that when we are diving in The Trench. Perhaps director Ben Wheatley tried to set it up that there is a big drop off in the sea with the T-Rex’s foot approaching the edge before going fishing, but we don’t need that justification.

Once we get get to present times, we must establish the important things. Jonas doing pull-ups being called into duty when he thought he was finally out. Yes. Everything about this, yes.

Then we must set the stakes. James ‘Mac’ Mackreides (Cliff Curtis), who is old-time friends with Jonas as established in The Meg (2018), lays out that there has been some very troubling activity 25,000 feet deep in THE TRENCH. We wonder what that could be! Jonas is going to have to go back down into this ancient ecosystem that has never been touched by humanity. So the only way to make sure you are save in a supremely dangerous enviroment.

Mec suits. Yup, you guessed it. It appears like we are going to get a suit-em-up montage in The Meg 2, and it is going to involve a new, very important character.

Jing Wu (or is it Wu Jing, that is his birth name) is one of the biggest stars in China. He is an action movie king with the Wolf Warrior movies. He is a printing press for box office success in China. This movie is going to make a boat load more money than you would think. I do not think it is a crazy take to say that this movie will gross more in China than it will in the United States. Jung Wu does not have a character name yet, but safe to say that he and Statham are going to be kicking shark tail in tandem.

Our team of heroes is going to be walking on the bottom of the trench. Water pressure and science be damned. We have mech suits that take care of all that drivel. It would also appear that these brave intrepid souls have weapons that will be used against whatever foes they encounter down in the blackness of the ocean? I love how the last time I wrote about underwater bullets it was regarding the realism of the gun shots John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum. I don’t think I will be saying the same thing for The Meg 2.

Hey! The Meg 2: The Trench steals from the classic Crawl (2019)! There can only be one apex predator! IYKYK.

It is said in the trailer that three megs “and who knows what else” escaped The Trench. That means we are going to be getting something else. Giant squid? Maybe a Kraken?? Are we going to delve into that realm? We can begin taking bets as to what we thing it is going to be. There are going to be some sort of lizard things because we see Jing Wu slap one with a shovel. Are Dinosaurs going to be coming back and invading our world because that lizard he slaps around seems a lot like the ones that were being playful at the start of the trailer.

Now we can’t have these Megs just be mindless killing animals. They need to be smart. They need to have a next level of intelligence. How do we establish that these Megs went to fish school? By noting that they hunt in packs. It was troublesome enough for Jonas to out swim and out maneuver one megalodon at a time. How will our sarcastic hero fare against three?

Having a place that is “meg-proof” would make for a good safety retreat, but once you say something is “meg-proof”, you know it isn’t going to go well. Somehow these wealthy scientists think that having a base underwater is the best plan of action against the most deadly swimmers in the world. When will they learn? In the latter moments of this trailer we see a young women walking around the same floor that Mac was patrolling at the start. The wood panel lining on the floor is a nice interior decorating touch, but perhaps not practical. I don’t think it’s going to do well under the weight of a meg hunting for a snack.

Don’t look now, but that looks like a tentacle. My Kraken guess is not looking so bad right now. These tentacles take care of a helicopter and force Jing Wu into a heroic dive. Do you think we see a giant animal underneath the water once Wu gathers his surroundings?

The trailer ends with Jonas riding a Jetski on a wave created by a (but possibly multiple) Meg. Just as outrageous as it sounds.

The Meg 2: The Trench is directed by Ben Wheatley. I have seen two of his movies; Free Fire (2016) was slightly disappointing and Rebecca (2020) which was very disappointing. Still don’t know how Lily James and Armie Hammer could have less chemistry on stream. Wheatley does have a lot of experience with some lower level horror movies like Kill List (2011) and Sightseers (2012) and In The Earth (2021).

Regardless of who is at the helm of The Meg 2: The Trench, I am fucking exciting for this movie.

The Meg 2: The Trench releases into theaters on August 4, 2023.

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