BEFORE THE DATES

• We are in Thailand. I suppose the joke one could make is thigh-land because it is sex week, as Zach would call it.
  • Why does Zach insist on calling it that? That just makes it all a bit more awkward than it already is. People know what is happening, no need to blow it up any more.
• So Zach and Jesse are talking at the start of this episode and they are reflecting back to when Zach had his overnight date with Rachel. If you recall, that did not go well, at all. It was one of the shocking twists and turnarounds of recent memory because everything pointed to Zach being in the drivers seat.
• Zach makes known to Zach, and the world, that there will be NO SEX!
  • Jesse Palmer’s reaction is rather priceless. Then he says something that had me in stitches.
    • Jesse Palmer says that this conversation is just between him and Zach (ignoring the cameras), and Jesse asks Zach in the most polite terms: “Are you sure you are going to be able to keep to that promise?”
      • Jesse isn’t an idiot. He has been through the process before. Jesse has seen the women. Jesse seems to have a better grasp on the human instinct than Zach.
    • Zach seems to admit that this is going to be a challenge, but he uses the term “animal instinct” which is rather crude and cringe-worthy.
• I am sure that this self-inflicted handcuff Zach is putting on himself won’t affect nothing what so ever. I am sure that it will be totally fine.

ARIEL’S DATE

• Ariel is the one to break the seal. She gets the first solo time with Zach in Thailand.
• Ariel and Zach go on a good date! They walk around the market and explore the culture. I will say that eating all the bugs is not necessarily my cup of tea, but hey they at least seemed to like it.
• The date is late at night, so what did Ariel do for the rest of the day? Why couldn’t they just hang out during the afternoon and then go to wherever this market was?
• Zach literally says: “When I Kiss Ariel, by body gets so hot” – this man is not going to have sex with this women? And they are eating all these hot foods that get the indorphones going? All of this is leading to a massive disaster.
  • And Ariel doesn’t even know about the no sex rule yet!
• So despite eating all this food at the market, these two need to go to the obligatory dinner portion of the date.
  • This is just absurd. Why didn’t they walk down the street and come across like a cute mail box with the note in it? There is NO WAY that they ate any of the dinner.
• So at this dinner portion, Ariel takes the deep dive and tells Zach that she is falling in love with him. He replies with the obligatory “I can see a future with you” type thing.
• Now comes the bombshell, well at least the start of the implosion for Zach.
  • Zach tells Ariel about the note sex portion of this fantasy suite rendezvous.
    • Ariel admits that she is a little disappointed that she and Zach will not be doing the dirty deed. Or as he would put, giving in to their animalistic desires.
    • Ariel says the she understands where Zach is coming from, but she just wants to focus on them and share time together.
• We see Ariel and Zach go into the room which is all lavish and they begin to make out everywhere. Every which way, they are making sure they are making out.
• They are cuddling in the morning and all things seem hunky dorrey.
  • Some morning banter and it is clear that no purity was lost.

GABI’S DATE

• Gabi is going through it. During Ariel’s one-on-one date she begins to overthink things again and insecurities begin to pop in. She needs validation, for sure. And she is literally watching Ariel go to dinner with Zach:? That is what the editing made it feel like.
• Gabi is the second date…which is rather fitting seeing how a theme of this date is going to be the word second.
• Gabi and Zach are going away to a private beach to spend some time together. They take an AWESOME looking pirate ship boat there. I want to see what the inside of that boat looked like. That looked like an awesome vessel.
• They are on the beach attempting to have a good time when all of a sudden Gabi begins to break down a little
  • She really really begins to worry about the whole process. Her and Zach have a truly heart-to-heart conversation about this whole entire process and how hard it is. She says that she is overtired (I guess a lot of sleepless nights?)
    • She says she is human. And it is hard. This is all true. Some people are better at handling it than others.
• So Gabi and Zach have a heart-to-heart conversation and they share each others insecurities.
• At the dinner table Gabi gives a bit of a speech about how she has always felt like she is second best. She has always felt like the second choice. It is a bit of a stumble to the finish line, but she eventually gets it out there that she is falling in love with Zach.
• Cue the music. Zach attempting the ruin the moment is here!
  • Gabi immediately bounces back and says that “sex is important in a relationship” but then follows up saying that they will work on it later and she won’t try to seduce him.
    • Uhhh…yea right! Did you see the way she looked into the confessional before they headed off into the fantasy suite? That is crazy sex eyes right there. Nobody is going to deny that, right?
• Gabi notes how big the room is when Zach and her get into the room. Saying there is plenty of room for activities. Oh Gabi.
• THEY FUCKING HAD SEX. THEY DID IT. ZACH BROKE HIS OWN RULE.
• Gabi only admitted to having a nice cuddle sesh, but we know it is so much more when Zach pulls Jesse Palmer in…

ZACH REALLY SCREWING THE POOCH

• Time for Jesse Palmer to pay therapist role.
• Zach was VERY explicit in saying that they both wanted to have sex with one another. He says this with a bit of sorrow in his face because he is really, really, upset with himself.
• Hey, earth to Zach…you did this to yourself! You set the rules for yourself! You are the only one who can be disappointed.
  • And you are going to project this onto Kaity and Ariel??
• Jesse is trying to to calm Zach down, but he is hell bent on being truly transparent with the women. He needs to tell Kaity…and Ariel?
  • Even Jesse thinks this is a bad idea. He politely asks “So you feel like you want to tell the other women about what happened?” really meaning “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!”
• So Zach needs to tell Kaity, but first he has to talk to Gabi. Why?
  • Well Zach is telling Gabi that he is going to tell everyone about what happened, to which Gabi immediately cuts through the bullshit.
    • This is the most I have liked Gabi in a long, long time. She is hold Zach to the fire.
    • She says “I didn’t know you were so bothered” and this whole thing won’t hurt her confidence at all…no…no way.
  • Gabi does say that she thought that Zach was going to keep it between us. Does this mean that Gabi doesn’t know that Zach talked to Jesse about it already? It is already out there Gabi. You can’t keep it in the bad now.
  • How can Zach save this really awkward encounter…BY SAYING THAT HE IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER OF COURSE! Oh Zach, Zach, Zach. This surely isn’t going to backfire.

KAITY’S DATE

• Kaity is in for a trip and she has no idea how it is going to transpire.
• Zach meets up with her and they are going to go touring a Thai forest in a kayak. The vibes are off. I don’t know if Kaity can tell, but us watching can tell that Zach is bothered.
• There is not much preamble. Zach just dives right in. I guess that he doesn’t really have a choice?
  • He notes how he made the rule to himself that he wasn’t going to have sex…and then he says that he has been intimate.
    • And here come the tears.
• Kaity is pretty resolute when she first hers the news. It is a slow build. She acknowledges that she knew this was a possibility, but she also says that she did not need to hear it.
  • This is an ignorance is bliss scenario. It has to be. Everyone knows what fantasy suite week means, but that doesn’t mean you want it dictated to you! Totally understandable point of view from Kaity.
• Zach, my boy, you really screwed the pooch. You made a promise to yourself, and then you broke it, and now you have a secret, but you can’t keep that secret because it hurts you so much, so you need to tell the person you care most knowing that it is most likely going to hurt her.

• So Kaity needs a minute. She needs to cope with what is happening.
  • ZACH, GIVE HER A SECOND!
• Now is time for me to reference another Taylor Swift song: “You’re Not Sorry”
  • Kaity knows that Zach is not sorry he had sex. He made the choice and he wanted to have it. He is not sorry about the action, he is doesn’t like the consequences. He got caught up in the moment, as all men can do from time-to-time in their lives. You just have to learn to live with your stupidity and guilt. Zach, not good at doing that.
• Zach, this is a moment where you need to let her be angry. You need to let her stew.
• This MOST HILARIOUS part of this whole interaction is that they are having this conversation in a SWAMP. A rainy, damp, dark swamp. Definitely sets the mood.
  • Did they have to row back in the Kayak together? I mean, I have been part of a drive back where I was the bad guy and it was REMARKABLY awkward. I knew I had fucked up and BAM I was stuck with the person I hurt for three hours. It is the worst feeling. During that moment we didn’t have any cameras on us.
• Kaity is seen talking to a producer…who is mic’d up? And we see their face. Let’s go random producer. Job well done. But Kaity just isn’t happy, so will she show up to the dinner portion of this date?
  • Come on, we all know the real answer here. Of course she is going to.
• Kaity shows up to the dinner…which is in the fantasy suite already? What if they didn’t want to stay together?
• Zach talks about how he is an honest man and how he would rat on himself as a kid.
  • Catholic guilt he talks about. Is he religious? Does he actually believe it?
• Kaity, in rather quick fashion, kinda agrees to push the bad things aside and move forward. She says that she feels confident in them? This is kind of abrupt with the transgressions that happened.
• There is ZERO morning cuddle talk. We get nothing about them in the fantasy suite. No debriefing. No nothing.
• This is probably the most sleepless night for Zach because he had to do a fuck on of explaining.
• Kaity handled the part in the bog the best she should; she was put in a nasty predicament and she did the write thing calling Zach out on it a smidge.

ROSE CEREMONY

• Ariel looks stunning walking down the run way. Gabi’s dress is not my type of dress but it is her style this season, and Kaity looks good in the purple. She has the choked collar thing that Ariel had with the black dress earlier.
  • The post credit scene was a bit of a journey. Ariel and Gabi walk along the path all fancy and what-not. Then Kaity walks down and it is attack of the apes! The monkeys attack, well not really, but you know what I mean. Suppose they don’t like purple? That is what Kaity says.
    • The best little bit is that Kaity says she is not doing it again; makes me wonder how many times they ask the women to do that walk to the rose ceremony.
• Kaity gets the first rose. That is no mistake. It is between Ariel and Gabi, and IMAGINE they Gabi had been sent home? It would have been absolutely bonkers.
  • But alas, Ariel is going home.
• What an absolutely savage move by Kaity to say out loud to Gabi that she knows it was her: “I know you were the only one.”
  • This puts Gabi on notice and she notes how now she feels like she has a red Scarlett letter on her chest. I wonder if this is a reference to the original Nathaniel Hawthorne book, or to Easy A (2010). Obviously the latter took from the original, but wonder which one Gabi is mainly referring to.
• Zach says goodbye to Ariel, and Ariel does not shed a tear. She is stoic. She is possessed, or in a trance, so it would seem. Will we see Ariel again in Bachelor universe? I think so. If she chooses to go to Paradise she will be HIGHLY sought after. Their goodbye on the bench seemed genuine and heartfelt. Zach seemed really broken up.
  • Question I have…Ariel seemed to know she was going home, but did she know that Gabi and Zach were intimate with one another? If Kaity knew that Gabi was the only one…that makes me think that she talked to Ariel because Zach never mentioned names.
    • This makes sense to me because then Ariel can pick up on context clues that she was in the back seat because 1.) she wasn’t intimate with Zach and he didn’t break his own promise with her, and 2.) she knew she was at the bottom of the totem pole because Zach didn’t take the time to talk to her about it before the rose ceremony.
      • Now in all fairness we may just not have seen them talk about it, but after all the drama that the Zach and Kaity drama brought, they would never not show the Ariel talk if there was one.
• We get back from the bench and Zach hugs Kaity first, and Kaity is the one to start the toast. Gabi then notes how Zach isn’t even looking her in the eye.
  • This may be true, this may be false, I couldn’t really tell, but regardless Gabi is already having some doubts before we head into the last week. Not good for her own psyche, that’s for sure.

ELIMINATED: ARIEL

(MY) POWER RANKINGS

No. 2
Gabi

(Last Week No. 2)

No. 1
Kaity

(Last Week No. 1)

ELIMINATED: Charity

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