Grading All The Contestants That Were On “Bachelor In Paradise”
Bachelor In Paradise ended in late November, and thank god it did. I’ll say it, 16 episodes is far too much. But with the mission ended and plenty of drama […]
Bachelor In Paradise ended in late November, and thank god it did. I’ll say it, 16 episodes is far too much. But with the mission ended and plenty of drama […]
Bachelor In Paradise ended in late November, and thank god it did. I’ll say it, 16 episodes is far too much. But with the mission ended and plenty of drama to unpack, it is time to reflect on everyone who took the sandy beaches of Mexico by storm.
These are my purely subjective grades on all the contestants from season eight of Bachelor In Paradise. A warning before we start anything. There are a LOT of people who appeared on the show.
Aaron did exactly what we expected him too. He was charismatic at times, but also a bumbling idiot when least convenient. He lost his partner James early on, and that is a bummer, but Aaron managed to last a long time on the beach. He and Genevieve were both perfect and the worst for each other. A toxic mess. They combined are like an artist that makes a statue out of garbage. It stinks, literally, but it is also needs to be admired because they created something memorable no one expected.
He existed. He made it past the hotel…but did we ever see him again? I don’t recall him getting any attention on the beach once he arrived and then he was whisked away at the rose ceremony. Nothing here to celebrate.
Alex Bordyukov is a very attractive man…but does he have much besides that. I think he was able to get Victoria’s attention because he has the gravity of being impeccable, but none of their conversations seemed to have much meaning. His clip of Victoria sweeping her off her feet at the hotel was used a lot, but that connection now seems like so long ago with all the other drama surrounding Victoria Fuller and Johnny DePhillipo. Alex was a bright shining star who burned out very brightly and very quickly.
Andrew Spencer deserved better. How could he not even get a chance to speak out on things in the finale reunion! Andrew seemed like a best friend to many of the contestants on the beach, but he was never able to find his soulmate. He was really bummed when Teddi left (which was weird, the way she left) and that cloud hung over him. Andrew finally snapped on the dance in the final episodes when Ency and Jessenia pushed it too far. He finally broke. He handled that situation the best he could. Do not make him out to be the bad guy in that scenario.
Hated really every aspect of them on the beach. Was a time filler and extended the season a full episode more than necessary. Why did they need a date night? Why did we need to know about their sex life and stomach troubles? I know they are Paradise royalty because they made it and it is working well, but still don’t love the amount of time they monopolized.
Brandon Jones is fucking adorable. He is the little pup of Bachelor in Paradise, and everyone is right to love him. He came down to the beach with tractor beams for Serene and the locked up to each other right away. Brandon was already in everyone’s good graces after his season with Michelle, but when Brandon started crying seeing Serene before their first one-on-one date, then everyone added him to their Christmas card list. We knew that Brandon and Serene were the top couple to get engaged to one another, and I am very thankful that they did not get married on the show. Brandon is a type of guy who is like a kid with his affection for you, but Brandon himself is not childish. He has the blend of enthusiasm and endearment that you like.
I love Brittany. I think that Brittany is gorgeous and I absolutely loved her on the beach. The way she turned down Romeo and Pete, to then find Tyler…well it made my heart warm. When Tyler said down with Brittany and the two of them agreed to leave together and not get engaged, I mean that is a major change of pace and development for this show. But then the post show happened, and we only really heard Tyler’s side of the story. What happened to Brittany? How did it all come to be? Why is everyone angry about her breaking up with FaceTime when she was in a different country? I need answers. That is why I can not whole heartedly give Brittany a high grade, but I will be grading on a curve based strictly off my own bias.
I didn’t remember Casey at all before Paradise started. Had no idea who he was. Casey latched on quickly to Michael A. just because they are both older…but they are not in the same stratosphere in terms of an eligible bachelor. Casey did turn out to be a decent narrator for when he was on the show, but his time did come to an abrupt end when he collapsed by the bar and was whisked off medically. He did not appear on the after show, so I hope that everything is okay?
Danielle Maltby is someone that I want to be friends with. She came down to the beach, saved Michael A.’s heart and then made it grow twice as big. The fact that she also had a partner pass away is tragic, but that experience gives her empathizing power on immense scales. Her story about saying “love you” to Michael at the after show was fucking adorable, and all-to-real being that Bachelor in Paradise is a reality show. She understands that patience with love and with Michael in particular more than anyone else who set foot on the beach. You know what, Danielle is the polar opposite of Rachel.
You CAN NOT choose someone in the rose ceremony, then reverse course and go chasing after the other guy you turned down…AND THEN beg for forgiveness on an after show and say you still have feelings for the person you gave the rose to but didn’t mean it. You CAN NOT do that! That is NOT ALLOWED. Eliza, what were you thinking? She came onto the beach as the newcomer post mid-show plot twist and immediately looked ready to leave a lasting imprint. She did leave hear stamp on things, but her remaining aura turns out to be one of extreme disappointment and regret. YOU CAN NOT TREAT RODNEY LIKE THAT!
You had to ruin the prom, didn’t you Ency? You had to insert yourself into a conversation that was not meant for you. I don’t remember who was whispering into her ear to go and interrupt Andrew and Jessenia, but that was the wrong decision. you did not handle it right. Also you didn’t stand a shot because Andrew was still hooked on Teddi, but you did something worse than force a break up. You forced a man to be honesty with himself, and that is something many of us don’t like doing.
I do not know how Flo lasted so long without one seemingly meaningful relationship, but somehow she did. And you know what, I am happy that she did. Somehow, someway, Florence was still an enjoyable piece of the beach puzzle despite not having the biggest menu of positive moments. to pick from. You know what was good fro Flo? She had good interviews and was rather honest about how things were transpiring, and she also had a fantastic breakup with twin Brookfield guy. They just hugged and said nah, I am good good. Perfect. No bad will. End it just like that.
I am always happy to see Gabby. I didn’t love that we heard her and Rachel talk most about Logan and bashing him and boosting Kate’s already inflated ego, but still was happy to see Gabby. I hope she comes back to the beach as a contestant now that she is single because she would absolutely kill it.
Genevieve is the quintessential Bachelor in Paradise contestant. She was a hot mess throughout and hit more emotional turbulence than one should endure in such a short amount of time. Some of those headaches she created herself and some were Aaron being a jerk. She was utterly blindsided by Aaron saying he didn’t want to continue things outside of Paradise, but Aaron walking away from the final rose ceremony and not saying a word to her should have been a huge hint. She took their breakup without saying a word, which was polar opposite from all the times they argued about stupider stuff. Like you could tell she was really, really pissed. It reached that point. I wish she didn’t go back to him to give him a piece of her mind. Genevieve also had the most different bathing suits of anyone in Paradise, and she loved under boob the most.
I do not remember a single thing that Hailey did.
Still a gross human. Don’t like him. Sure he has a lot of money, and that is his only “positive” trait. Kate is the only one who even entertained the idea, and that is because she is also a very shallow human. Bad marks all the way around.
Very pretty picture of Hunter, but this picture had longer lasting impact that her. I just remember her bringing up her IBS a lot and I didn’t need to hear it multiple times. She did have a thing with Johnny for a smidge of time…but when Victoria came down, it was all over for her. Hunter is a nice human and frankly she should flourish as a normal person outside of Bachelor Nation, and I hope that she genuinely finds it.
Jacob walked down with his Tarzan gimmick, and I was not a huge fan. He did soften up a bit throughout the show and it was nice to learn that he is not entirely his character. Speaking strictly for myself, I can’t see myself relating to most of Jacob’s hobbies because damn this dude loves to meditate and do deep breathing. He did have the best relationship with Jill, but then he fucked it up, but then he got back with her on the reunion…but then they broke up the day I am writing this. So Jacob went through a lot, but I also learned a lot about him, so not all bad things.
A short shining shooting start in the Mexico beach night. James arrived with Aaron and they had all the pomp and circumstance you’d expect from their beloved bromance. Unfortunately, James could not connect to anyone at all. His prototypical greek god body was not enough to allure anyone, and I have to unfortunately say that I don’t remember anything about James’s time on the beach besides Aaron saying he has said he was gone.
Jesse Palmer did not appear much on Bachelor In Paradise, but when he did, boy did he deliver shocking news. Jesse practiced his dramatic voice and based off the smile on his face, he must love delivering tough news to people. When Jesse told the crew about the split, he incurred a hatred from the women that I have not sensed in any other Bachelor I have watched. He did a fine job on the beach with the groups, but none of the beach welcomes were too funny. Those were the moments last season where the guests hosts brought a lot of levity. In terms of the post show live reunion, Palmers gets strictly a passing grade. I wish we heard from different people, but that is probably just a matter of timing and Palmer doesn’t have any control over that.
I thought that Jessenia would bring the Demi chaotic energy with her, but that really was not the case. She came in during the switch looking like her high fashion self and she immediately took a liking to Andrew S. Unfortunately he was not as emotionally available as she was, so she had to take it slow. Jessenia really didn’t do anything wrong until the final couple episodes when Andrew broke it off, but she just needed the closure. She asked to talk to Andrew, which is fine, but then tried pinning Andrew down to tell her why, which led to Darcy getting angry, which led to Andrew leaving early, and which led the Wells reading the superlatives alone in a vacant room. I was just really disappointed with the lack of Jessenia drama and narrating.
Jill did not handle the plot twist well at all. She fell head over heels for Jacob when they finally got together, and then when it was ripped out from underneath her…well her emotional stability began to crumble. The best thing that she did that was unintentionally funny was when she blocked Shanae from having fun time with Tyler. I can’t help but think that Jill would be a fun hang outside of a romantic setting because she is a ball of energy.
Going to be honest here. Don’t really know which one you are Joey. I knew whatever relationship you got in wasn’t going to last. And if it was the Mara dressing up in food date, then I fast-forwarded that because I didn’t want to watch it.
I fucking love Johnny. I empathize with him so much. Probably too much if I am being honest. The not feeling like he is worthy of a relationship, being slow to opening up emotionally, working the is what it is mindset and not being confrontational when needing to speak up is an option. Johnny was steady throughout the entire season, never getting too high or too low in terms of raising his voice or concerns. The only time that Johnny waivered was in the end when he actually proposed to Victoria, and we all could tell that his heart wasn’t in it. There is an issue at the end with Victoria, she saying that he called her names and he saying that he isn’t going to say out loud the things that she said so not to air her out. I trust Johnny way more than I trust Victoria.
It is not fair that Justin came back to the beach. It is specially not fair that he came back after pulling the weird kiss me on my birthday thing with Genevieve. This time it was at least his birthday and he didn’t mike it up like Lace. I liked Justin more before the show only when I knew him for his facial reactions and odd sense of humor. This show unfortunately painted him in a bad light. His redeeming moment came when Eliza came back to his house and asked to be with him after choosing Rodney at the beach, and Justin was like hmmmmm, no thank you. So he had some really bad moments, and a really good moment. That puts him square in the middling grade.
Read above portion on Joey.
Is Kate the worst human on earth? Bachelor Nation is asking. I had no idea what to expect when she walked down the beach, but I didn’t expect the devil. Kate is worst than Shanae was during her time on The Bachelor. Kate knew what she was doing. She knew she was being terrible…and it wasn’t acting. The way she treated Logan reminded me of past relationships and the number of red flags raised had my opening up a shop for relationship PTSD tourists. Her obsessions with the money aspect was extremely off putting. Her equinox comment made me want to jump through the screen. And how selfish can you be to hang Logan out like that at the final rose ceremony. Kate. I do not like you.
I did not like Kira. She was super duper cringe on the beach. She was also sloppy. I did not have a fun time watching her stumble around from guy to guy. She was right that Paradise is meant for fun, but she was wrong in the way she went going about it. I just remember when she tried to dress more promiscuously to get more attention. Somehow she ended up with Romeo…and they are still together. But I am just not a fan.
I am conflicted about Lace. Was she kind of annoying? Yes. Did she seem out of place compared to everyone else on the beach? Yes. Was lying about her birthday weird? Yes. Did Lace grow on me as time went on? Yes. Did her going back to the beach after the split lead to fantastic drama? Yes. She handled herself with a lot more grace during that scenario than I thought she would. She still didn’t blow me out of the water in terms of wanting to see her again, but I will remember her name unlike other contestants.
Why does everyone love Logan? I simply do not understand it. This man has women fawning over him non-stop, and he does not know how to act accordingly. Yet, despite all of Logan’s dumb moves, Paradise ended with us feeling bad for him. He did not deserve to be emotionally manipulated by Kate like he was. I don’t understand why he wanted to be with Kate after she was such a bitch, but he is young and he might not know what a bad relationship looks like. He got the short of that stick, and to be left hanging at the rose ceremony is cruel punishment. Logan was like Shanae in that he did Paradise right. He didn’t have the full character reformation as Shanae, but he did induce some good will. I do have to question what Logan was wearing during the final rose.
Lyndsey was on the beach for not even 20 minutes of screen time. She is getting a grade right down the middle because she tried for her one connection, saw the playing field, and then vacated the premise. She did the opposite of what Mara Marinara did.
Mara. Marra. Maara. How the hell do you pronounce her name? I say it wrong all the time. But Mara does not seem like someone who cares a lot about what people think of her. She does it in the best way though, through own self-confidence and not really putting others down. She is ruthless at times, but somehow she doesn’t make it seem as salty. I did not enjoy her date with the young twin. I don’t like the food dress up dates. Never have, and never will. Mara didn’t get the boy, but she did get an extended vacation. She stayed on the beach, unlike Lyndsey. I didn’t hate it. She did her thing.
Michael A. I was shocked to see him walk on the beach. He was literally one of the first. He arrived after Serene was the first. Michael stayed the entire time, and had a journey. He started off with Sierra and frankly they both seemed pretty good for each other. They were both emotional and open about their feelings. Michael broke it off with Sierra, and I can understand why. She came on really strong, and that is not what he wanted. However, what he did want was someone who would be patient with him, who is more his age, and who can relate to what he went through. Enter Danielle. Good lord these two better make it. They were wonderfully tearful on the beach and so fucking cute on the post show reunion. They were people’s biggest cheerleaders and everyone was cheering for them. Michael A. may have had a few missteps after the Sierra breakup, but in the end he found perfect footing and I am rooting for him along with everyone in America.
Olu did not get a fair shake at the hotel, but I also don’t think he equated himself that well. I still remember him asking for the chicken fight with the ladies sitting by the pool and god it makes me cringe. I do not like it. I think he would have faired better on the beach itself. I just can’t help but get a sense that he is a little bit too high and mighty on himself.
A despicable human. He is trash. I know the show wants to manufacture some drama, but nothing about Peter Izzo is worth the pain he inflicts on viewers. His only redeeming quality is that he made Brittany look really good when she turned him down and everyone defended her.
She came in for a flash with Gabby…and I was a lot happier to see Rachel. She did nothing wrong…but she did mention engagement in her short time. Reinforcing the idea in my mind that she was there more for the idea of love and engagement than anything else.
Rick did not get a fair shake. He was part of the unlucky quartet at the hotel with the really pissed off women. I can also say that I don’t think Rick fit. the vibe for Paradise. I don’t think he is incredibly charismatic, and he is not as attractive as the other guys. What he does have going for him is that the women only had good things to say about him when he was leaving. He seemed like the ultimate friend zone guy.
I am on the campaign to have Rodney be the bachelor. He and Andrew S. are probably the most liked men in Bachelor Nation right now, and both got their hearts ripped out of them. Rodney’s is particularly brutal because Eliza chose him and them gave him back like he was a gross wet sponge left in the sink for a week. Rodney handled it all well. He did he best with Lace and let her down honestly and easily, then he fell for Eliza and damn, she turned down that smile. Rodney is the ultimate guy’s guy. He is not the most attractive, but he is super nice and supremely cuddable.
Romeo, a shooting star, who was not that bright. He went through the ringer trying all these different women in the opening nights…and never with much luck at all. When Brittany turned him down…that was tough. That was hard to watch. Then Romeo left with Kira, and he looked like he was being held hostage. You have all seen the memes if you are reading this. But somehow, the two of them are still together. It is an odd couple, and an odd couple that is working. Also, in a small world, Romeo went to Harvard when Francis Ellis was at Harvard…and they knew each other well. Francis works at Barstool. Weird connection.
Do not give Salley Carson any more breath in Bachelor Nation. Her suitcase bit that the producers did was more entertaining than her on the screen. She came on the beach and wasn’t willing to take any flack. Where the women kinda over-the-top questioning of her? Maybe a little. But Salley should have expected something but she came in blissfully unaware that she has screwed herself into a grave.
Sarah Hamrick is going to get a middling grade because she was barely on the show. It is not her fault. She left for a family emergency and that is the right thing to do. I was kind of looking forward to her redemption story, but it never got going. But imagine if she stayed and caused even more Logan problems than were already on the show?
Not a bad word to say about Serene. She is part of the best couple from the show, and she was fantastic in ever little and romantic moment. She knew she wanted Brandon and she secured it when she walked out in that outfit before their first date. She made Brandon cry real tears. From there they just continued to grow and everyone’s love for them grew as well. Serene also handled the hotel breakaway the best. She knew what she had. We love Serene. OH, AND HER WEARING THE SAME DRESS AS VICTORIA IN THE FINALE BUT ONLY IN WHITE…LIKE THE HERO SHE IS.
Did Shanae do Paradise best? Did Shanae have the best character makeover from her time on The Bachelor to now? The answer to both of those questions is a resounding yes. I think Shanae kissed the most people, went on the most dates, and spread herself most thing everywhere. She was upset at the end, but she can not be upset with the way she went about the process. She tried everything, from older, to middle-aged, to youngest (in Bachelor In Paradise terms) and none worked. What she did do was ensure herself another trip the beach if she ever wants it.
Sierra was unabashedly herself. She came out strong and she came out fast and loud. The thing is that she came on a bit too strong for Michael. It was a heartbreaking goodbye between the two because she bought that star for Michael and he just couldn’t accept it. It was just not a good match. Sierra left right after that, and she can’t be that angry when Michael sees what happened to him.
Here is a take. I am not really a fan of Teddi. I don’t think she treated Andrew right. I think she ran away during first tough time, and I think she is not really built for reality TV. This is purely my opinion, but I don’t know what she brings to the table. Perhaps it is just a skewed POV because I love Andrew S. so much, but Teddi is not getting a teddy bear hug from me.
Tyler Norris was a hot commodity and Brittany ended up with him. It really did seem like a perfect match…until it wasn’t. Tyler and Brittany didn’t make it long after Paradise and it is a he-said vs. she-said argument. But before the sadness at the end, Tyler was a beaming light on this show. He did a fantastic job of keeping things light and was never part of any major controversy. He even had the Shanae date kinda blow over and mean nothing. When everyone was on the beach, Tyler was never a problem and almost always an asset.
Victoria Fuller. I am saying your full name because I am so disappointed in you. You walked onto the beach as the smoke show you are and I thought you were going to be an annoying presence. Turns out, you were pretty awesome and I loved your comedy. I still remember when the show showed you watching Johnny trying to surf and cheering him and he didn’t know it. Also you look stunning in that black dress. You know the one. But then the finale happened. You were with Greg, who is just a brunette version of Johnny. Sure maybe he is a little bit more emotionally available at the moment, but Johnny is Johnny! Everyone took Johnny’s side, and people seem to be knowing things but not saying them. I am supposed to keep these recap shorts so I am going to end with this: thank you for being a truly wonderful part of BIP and I am surprised, but happy, to be disappointed in you.
The Wells story time was a fantastic segment. The story of Salley’s travels with the random producer (who really got more than just a handful of screen time) was one of the highlights of the season. Wells did his job well, stirring the conversation was necessary, being the therapist far too often, and helping keep things light when it was going dark. I wish he was utilized better in the live finale reunion, but again have nothing bad to stay.
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