Here we go. It is that time again!
The Bachelorette premieres on Monday, July 11th on ABC. It is a duel season with Gabby and Rachel. And these are the guys who will be fighting for their hearts.
Don’t like Alec’s hair, nor his shirt. His profession gives him a leg up on the makeshift wedding day date if he gets on it. Alec admits that he loves to be the center of attention, which means I do not like him. He is going to be a problem. How are you a photographer at a wedding which is someone else’s big day? Nothing makes him happier than a fresh haircut? That is my worst nightmare. Don’t like that at all.
Aven has a cute dorky look. I do like that Aven’s love language seems to be quality time. I get needy vibes from Aven. He is passionate…but he may be over so. Well, Gabby or Rachel may want him to eat out more than once a week…hehehehe How the fuck can you be a Yahtzee champion. Is he ready to roll the dice on love?
The first thing I saw of Brandon’s profile is that he goes to Disneyland every year for his birthday. That is negative points. Big-time negative points. What sports did Brandan play? Basketball? Where did he play? I want details. In all the bios I have read thus far, there have been three adjectives that the guys describe their ideal woman as. I basketball player who likes the batting cages. Multi-sport. I think woman are going to think Brandan is attractive.
Okay. Huge forehead. Let’s get it out there. Mentality coach. Is that the same of life coach? Are we going to get another Karl? That would make me unhappy. His bio really seems a bit self centered. She should support Chris as he chases after his dreams…of and she can chase hims too. CHRIS IS HIS OWN FAVORITE AUTHOR? Oh lord I had him. Oh, and he doesn’t choose fear? I FUCKING HATE CHRIS.
An older guy. I like the three adjectives that Colin chose: self-aware, courteous and fun. For Colin being hold, we don’t get any mention of kids. That is a bit of a surprise. Oh lord they mention breakdancing in his bio. That means we might see it. I get the sense Colin is not one to take his own out to experience events, and I appreciate that.
I can not tell if Erich has short hair or if he is balding. Also, who the hell spells it like Erich. I do like quiet confidence more than obtrusive confidence. Okay, if you are saying you don’t have a type, but then always fall for a type, then you have a type. How tall is he if he falls for taller women? I think I like Erich with the way he is describing himself in his bio. It’s weird he has to point out that he likes both red and white wine, no? isn’t that most people?
Massive crows feet on this guy. But also has massive dimples He seems like a simple man. Board games, ideal brunch breakfast and a popular show to wind down. Who the fucked like going out around 4 AM in NYC?? That is my worst nightmare. A believer in signs or well-time coincidences…so he believes in fate and destiny. Ethan is either going home the first night, or he is lasting a really long time.
Leisure executive? Does that mean he is good at leisuring or he has leisure wardrobe qualifications. What is his accent?? Oh, now I see it. Southern Roots. Loves golf and the grill. So he is good at just being lazy. BOOOOO he loves dogs…BUT the dogs name is RAMBO! I do love that dog name. What type of dog? I do love Hot tubs. But I HATE the idea of going to a music festival and a big one like Stagecoach.
Uhh…Noah Syndergaard? Aren’t you supposed to be pitching for the Los Angeles Angels? Jacob being picky. Did he know the contestants before he agreed to go on the show? So Jacob wants a hot wife. He is superficial. I bet he exercises a lot. Oh. He does. As I keep reading. A muscle man in the hot Arizona sun who doesn’t eat cake and reads 30 to 40 books a years. He does not seem like catch.
This dude is a bar after leaving the finance office. Stays out too late. Has the slimy oily hair, cleans out his white powder from his desk Friday morning and still some somehow thrives. A fucking meatball enthusiast? Are you serious? Another big Italian family. There are a bunch. SIX KIDS?? How is he going to afford that with a job of a Meatball Enthusiast?? He is a huge Lebron James fan. I do not like James.
Jason as an attainably hot fellow. Nothing too too crazy. Having the quiet presence is something that I can really get behind. I don’t surf or dance, but I do like tennis. Authenticity is a good way to describe someone. Don’t want someone pretending. Jason’s favorite past time is star gazing? That is weird. Missing opportunity for “Good Vibes Only” when it could have been “Positive Vibes Only”
A more attractive version of Pete Davidson? So he is a twin. And that is his job. What makes this disappointing is that he is a local boy. He is from Brookfield, CT. He is far too young. He unwinds by going to the clubs. That is most stressful than working. Joey and I would not be friends. He says that is a good hugger. I guess that is a good one. Fuck. I hate that nothing makes Joey happier than winning. He is competitive. FUCK he also can live of burgers.
This is my girlfriend’s type. Hands down. Comes off as shy at first…but then opens up. That is my type of guy. Okay, John. That is weird. Putting a suit on to go to the grocery store?? Why would you want to be the face a big clothing brand? That is a no from me, dude.
Before even looking at his bio, this man has too much confidence and is a little smug on himself. He has the vibe and the quirk. He is attractive, but the knows it. Another Italian man. So many Italians. Looking for a women athletic. That is a nice thing, but don’t let it be the only thing. Can’t be with someone how is hung up on past relationships. That seems like that might be his own problem. Also feeds into the fact that it is all about him. All the time. And he knows it is. Corny jokes are a good thing.
Jordan H. has a doofy face. That is not a bad thing. An adrenaline junky. Never got into it. At least this bio pokes fun and plays the game with the being here for the right reasons. How many kids does he want? Why do so many people want so many kids? I respect the Florida hate and love. Love the place but hate the drivers.
Drag Racer. Is that a hobby or a real career? We need to do the research. How much are they going to do the “Pedal” pun with Jordan’s racing life style? I really like the color of the shirt he is wearing. James Bond movies. That is nice. I Enjoy that. I like Jordan. He is self-aware (comedically) I think about his old style and haircut. He is sentimental with the hand written notes. This is not a bad start for Jordan in my book. There were so many puns in his bio.
One of the older guys in the crew. I think he would look better if he had some salt and pepper hair. He is a lover and not a fighter. Which means he is going to be put in some boxing date. An optimistic guy. That is either really good to have or really annoying. The latter if you are watching sports. Always expect the least! Honest question, what does Jasmin smell like? And we have a bunch of negative points; I do NOT wait to travel the U.S. in a van. That is not for everyone.
How did we decide which twin is “Twin” and “Other Twin” These twins fucking suck. He is not only the other brother, but he is also a name that needs a last letter initial. That is tough. It is good that he likes the idea of opening up. That is important. HE LIKES THE LAKERS. BOOOOOOO. This made me feel old. If he wanted to live in another decade, it would be in the early 90s.
Kirk is a religious man and proud of it. See by his necklace. Texas Tech is in Lubbock, TX. Is that who he is an assistant coach for? Kirk, let me tell you. Not everyone is good to live in the college athletic schedule. God all of the Sports puns are terrible. Don’t enjoy this. I do not think Kirk is going to go far. Hey! Loving golf and not being good at it! That is very relatable!
A videographer! One of us! Being witty, self-aware and goofy is a good thing! Interesting he chose artsy for his ideal woman. I do like the low maintenance bit. Life on crush on Elaine is funny. Good fun fact. Isn’t afraid to skinny dip. That is a bit of foreshadowing.
Good smile from Mario. I say this before even reading the first line of his bio which mentioned his smile. I like that. He has done the self-work and is now ready to be vulnerable. Gotta know yourself before you open yourself up. So he is a basketball fan. Wants to raise little basketball players. I do like that fitness is important to life. How many shirtless scenes from Mario? A Tetris superstar. Interesting thing. That is actually a fun fact.
Why is his job not small business owner when it is for other Bachelorette contestants? He is built an empire?? How successful is his shop?? Pet Betta fish. Does that mean Matt is the alpha? Sweet think about buying her mom a house. Why do I think this bio was a little skimpier than others?
Michael looks older than his age. Sorry. It is true. I do like the way he describes himself here: “He does not consider himself a conventional romantic and leads with logic over emotion, but his biggest ally when it comes to love is his own intuition, “when you know, you know.” Logic is good and it is not used enough. Always good to have parents love you. Don’t love Harry Potter so negative points there.
The last contestant named “Nayte” just had a break up with Michelle. Not a good omen? Nate does seem like a charmer. I also like how they described him as hard working. Not an often thing I read. Planning picnics is a cute idea. Should incorporate into life. Just without the cheese. You know, can’t do the cheese. Favorite movie is “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days will score some brownie points. I don’t like mosh pits either Nate. Good work there.
Enough with the life coaches already! This is another life coach exactly from where Karl was from. Why are we repeating this? I bet the uplifting people around him is a farce. Admitting you are a bad texter is the right way to go.
Roby is cute! But he is a MAGICIAN?? Is he going to have the most cringe entrance? I want to know he became a magician. That doesn’t seem normal. He has traveled the globe? He speaks French. Interesting. Okay. despite the really weird job. I like Roby. He wants to live in a house with secret tunnels which is awesome. He is fluent in French which is awesome.
Ryan is an older fellow. He kinda looks like Jesse Palmer. If you are a hopeless romantic then how and why are you on this show? Ryan is referencing Nicholas Sparks. Does he now know that Sparks is not a great guy? God A Walk To Remember (2002) is not a good movie. I really wanted to like you Ryan, being from Boston and all. What are you when you are a Botox enthusiast
Just looking at Spencer, he seems like a good guy. I don’t want any villainy from him. He is a “man of service”? What does that mean? I like the active, outdoorsy and adventurous type in a girl. I like that he is not the “let’s grab a drink” type of guy. Neither am I. Oh he is a Detroit Lions fan? This guy knows heartbreak. He will be totally fine. YES. AN ANTI-EDM GUY. I like Spencer a lot.
STRONG JAW LINE on this guy. Also unique name His job is Crypto guy. So is he unemployed now? Termayne liking double dates fits for this season. Another entrepreneur type not afraid to speak his mind. That spells trouble. Nothing turns him off more than a girl who tacan’t take a joke. Boy, are you just disrespectful. So how is he going to say no to someone who says “NFT” but he says crpyto is his thing? It has been raised to my attention that this may be in a positive context. But I took it as negative. I am bamboozled.
Tino is attainably hot. Also love his shirt. Another dog lover. Ugh. But I do agree with going-with-the-flow. He wants four kids. That is a lot of kids for now a days. Big-time Italian vibes. Lots of those. All of his fun facts begin with “Tino”. Does everyone’s do that? AM I just noticing. General Contractor sounds like a normal job.
Tyler is objectively handsome. He is a family man. Italian, and mentions big family in his bio. He is a stereotypical New Jersey guy. Love the dream goal of visiting every MLB stadium. That is a good goal. Tyler and I differ in the multi-tasking. That is where I thrive. Tyler being a family guy means he likes to feel the love around him. I think he will struggle not getting attention if he wants it.
Zach is hot. Zach loses points. He has multiple dogs. Zach is excited to lay his romance on thick. Phrasing could be better there. His love language is gift giving. That is sweet. Will be seeing a lot of those then on the group dates, etc. Not liking breakfast or eggs is not the way to go. I LOVE THIS REFERENCE: HE IS THE MASTER OF THE “TOP GUN” HIGH-FIVE
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June 18, 2022 By jstanko99
Bachelor Universe Posted in Bachelor Universe, Television Tagged # ABC, Alec, Aven, Bachelor, Bachelorette, Brandan, Colin, Erich, Ethan, Gabby, Hayden, Jacob, James, Jason, Joey, Johnny, Jordan H., Jordan V., July 11, Justin B., Justin Y., KIrk, Logan, Mario, Matt, MIchael, Nate, Quincey, Rachel, Roby, Ryan, Spencer, Termayne, TIno, Tyler, Zach
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