Movies
Ranking The Fast & The Furious Movies
I am sure that this list wont infuriate anyone at all. Nobody. Everyone is going to be rational about it. Now that I have seen all ten of the The […]
I am sure that this list wont infuriate anyone at all. Nobody. Everyone is going to be rational about it.
Now that I have seen all ten of the The Fast & The Furious movies, it is only logical that I rank them in a totally subjective and arbitrary list that will ultimately be sewered by the Internet.
I will readily admit that I have seen the majority of these movies only once. I have visited scenes on YouTube to relive the magic of some, and I have did wiki searches to remember all of the characters (because there are a fuck ton) and plot points.
Before we engage the clutch, get this into gear and stomp on the gas (is that how manual cars work?), let’s set the ground rules here. These rankings are a combination of enjoyment as well as my more critical brain. I don’t expect people to agree with everything or possibly anything…but this is my blog…and therefore they are my thoughts.
Let’s do it.
10.
F9: The Fast Saga (2021)
This movie is really terrible. Usually the Fast & The Furious movies are entertaining enough to ignore all of the errors that happen within it, but F9: The Fast Saga is a bit too far.
I just wrote my review for this and I tore it to shreds there. It has officially flown the coop. It needs to be brought back into some sense of reality.
STANKO RATING: D- (1.5/5 Stars)
9.
The Fate Of The Furious (2017)
I mean, Hobbs pushed a submarine torpedo thing with just his own muscle. That is the only thing that I remember about this movie.
Also, I never would have thought that Charlize Theron would be a less than stellar villain. She looked unique…but in terms of leaving an impact on the franchise I can’t endorse that.
I also remember how pissed people were when Dom kissed Cipher. It was a shot across the bow for the die hard fans.
STANKO RATING: D (1.5/5 Stars)
8.
2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
I remember really disliking Eva Mendes in this movie. I also don’t think that I enjoyed the first iteration of Roman and Tej. The cars got louder and cooler, but the style didn’t match the pizzaz. After the rather underground feel to The Fast And The Furious, this one put too much spotlight on everything. It was better when it was underground.
STANKO RATING: C (1.5/5 Stars)
7.
Fast & Furious (2009)
I do not remember a god damn thing about this movie, but somehow I rated it a “B”. It sits here in the seven spot because I remember disliking or being let down by the three movies preceding it on the list.
There had to have been a lot of excitement around this movie after seeing Dom at the end of Tokyo Drift.
STANKO RATING: B (2.5/5 Stars)
6.
The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
Tokyo Drift was cool. Deal with it.
I still remember the opening scene in the housing complex, and I remember the first time he raced down the mountain.
This was the first movie that Justin Lin directed in the Fast Franchise and he would go on to be the savior that this franchise needed.
If the Fast Franchise wants to succeed in the future, it needs more movies like this. It needs to expand the universe and add in more interesting characters without bringing characters back from the dead.
STANKO RATING: C+ (2.0/5 Stars)
5.
Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)
This movie gets way too much hate. Guess what, having two of the most charismatic people in the universe as well as the best member of the best family in the Fast & Furious universe. Idris Elba is black superman, Jason Statham and Dwayne Johnson have good enough chemistry.
Okay, yes, the special effects are bad. But this movie has the charm to make up for it. Also has a stellar Vanessa Kirby appearance. Hobbs & Shaw brings entertainment value and doesn’t weight itself down with too many crazy themes.
But I will admit Hobbs and his whole family thing at the end really bothered me.
STANKO RATING: B- (3.5/5 Stars)
4.
Fast Five (2011)
Fast Five is probably the most beloved of the entire franchise? Fast Five is the first time the franchise went full-bore suspend your disbelief to the max.
Also let us welcome in Dwayne Johnson as Agent Hobbs, the government agent who seemingly never fails to capture his assailants. So you have the largest set pieces, the largest human and the largest budget yet.
Fast Five is what put this franchise on neon jet fuel box office success.
STANKO RATING: C+ (3.0/5 Stars)
3.
Furious 7 (2015)
All of the emotion. All of it.
Furious 7 is saved a lot by its final scene, but there are also little additions that bring it into the upper tier. We have Kurt Russell making his appearance, We have Jason Statham speaking 17 lines of dialogue just being a badass and continuing the legacy of the Shaw family as the most interesting in this universe.
STANKO RATING: C+ (2.5/5 Stars)
2.
Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
Sue me, I like Fast & Furious 6 a lot.
This movie sticks out in my mind because it is the most “get the gang together and figure this shit out” movie.
Are there absolutely ludicrous things that happen in this movie? I mean, what do you call Letty coming back from the dead and the entire tank sequence? Oh, and the airstrip that never ends.
What carries this over the top is Luke Evans performance as Owen Shaw. Jason Statham ends up playing Deckard Shaw, but also thought to be cast was David Tennant. I would have paid extra money to see that.
Can we also say that the “you better hide that big-ass forehead” is the best line in the whole franchise? What an improv and what a genuine reaction.
STANKO RATING: B+ (3.5/5 Stars)
1.
The Fast And The Furious (2001)
The original, the OG, the one that started it all. The Fast And The Furious started life taking it just a quarter mile at a time with small time heists and actually touching relationships. We meet Brian, Dom, Mia and Letty for the first time. It was small and quaint. After the mess of F9, watch this to reset yourself and remind yourself why the franchise needs to take a step back.
STANKO RATING: B (2.5/5 Stars)
“Stanko’s Stance” Podcast Feed (Apple)
“Stanko’s Stance” Podcast Feed (Spotify)
Stanko Excel Lists | Movies, Books, Podcasts. TV Shows
Stanko Letterdbox Account
Fantasy Baseball Recap: Week Eight (May 22 – May 28)
I am starting to think that I am the “bye week” in this league. But hey, them the brakes. I had some rough choices in terms of lineup selections over the week and I didn’t adjust my lineup on Sunday because I forgot while I was on the golf course. Played Fairchild Wheeler in Fairfield,…
The 96th Academy Awards – Stanko’s Version (Version 1.0)
DISCLAIMER WARNING: I HAVE ONLY SEEN 10 MOVIES FROM THIS YEAR SO FAR. YEAH I KNOW SAD, BUT I HAVE WATCHED 119 MOVIES THIS YEAR AS OF NOW SO I’LL GET TO MORE THIS YEAR.I HAVE SEEN 10 MOVIES THOUGH AND THAT IS ENOUGH TO ROUND OUT BEST PICTURE NOMINEES. THEN I FILL IN THE…
Reflection On “The Big Picture” 1990s Summer Blockbuster Draft
Loved this draft idea from The Big Picture crew. I am not going to be able to do my normal redrafting because there is just enough movies to pick from, but I will have fun going through all of the different categories and determining what my dream lineup would be from the movies i have…
Stanko's Stance 
1 Comment »