Episode two of Bachelor In Paradise centers heavily around Demi, the agent of chaos that was teased at the end of the season premiere. Demi knows her role. She is here to stir the pot…as is literally shown in the introduction video for the show. The producers of the show also know she is gold for drama by placing the “Demi-God” title under her on the lower third. It honestly seems like everyone on the beach knows Demi is a gravitational force. When the blond loud speaker introduces herself and the fact that she has a date card, it looks like she is holding court as a professor at university.

After Demi tastes the waters and feelings of a couple men, her eyes fall on Brendan. The only thing is that Brendan was hitched on day one with Natasha. Does Demi care? No absolutely not. Does Brendan care? Not really. The two go on a one-on-one date with jet skis and a wonderfully awkward conversation on the beach. Demi is ogling Brendan, but to her dismay, Brendan isn’t set on making her and Demi an exclusive thing. Brendan is trying to keep the dating door open and Demi feels regretted to the umpteenth degree. She is not used to being the one in the pot rather than the one stirring it. Because Demi could not lock down Brendan, Demi’s fate at the first rose ceremony is up in the air.

Here is the thing Demi…you came late. You are tardy to the party. Guess what? That means you are behind the eight ball! Just doing puppy eyes and make out sessions is not going to cut through the folds in Brendan (or in some of the other contestants either).

While Brendan is on the date with Demi, the rumor mill begins churning about the eligible hot guy. Women on the beach start talking about how Brendan was seeing Pieper in the real world, and therefore, he is playing the field with no true sense of commitment. Towards anyone on the beach. When Demi gets back to the beach from the one-on-one and hears this news, she literally just cackles. When Brendan walks back onto the beach, he has no idea what he is walking into.

Brendan immediately tries to talk things over with Demi and when he sits down with her, the crew that was surrounding her vacates the premise like fish avoiding a shark. Demi starts putting Brendan on blast and he is left trying to pick up whatever pieces he can. He is rattled. We as the audience think things may get worse for him when Natasha pulls him to the side…but it doesn’t?

Natasha asks him straight up about Pieper and their relationship, but before she even does that, Natasha hit him with the ultimate “well hello there” bomb. Natasha asked Brendan about his date with Demi, forcing him to swim in the awkwardness he created. Have to respect that mood. Natasha don’t play games. Brendan tells her about the generics and then has to handle Natasha’s questions about Pieper, to which he replies that it was a mutual friendship and he is not tied down to her, or anyone at the moment. Natasha seems to buy the explanation and together they go walk on the beach. Demi sees them walking on the beach…and she starts a hysterical laughter fit. She can’t believe what she is seeing. But the best part of her little cackling is when Natasha says “Did you hear that? It sounded like a Hyena.” Just great stuff.

The thing with Demi is that she talks about not manipulating people yet she always does. She talks about never going on the show with someone at home, but she literally did that last season. She talked about not wanting to lead people on, but she is doing that with James. She is perfect for Bachelor In Paradise.

The other couple to get a one-on-one date was Jessenia and Ivan. This comes after Ivan was asking Jessenia about the private room…but not asking her to go into it. Jessenia isn’t that stupid, Ivan. Regardless, the pair now get to spend some private time together.

Here is the honest truth; this date was boring. We get Ivan and Jessenia talking about interracial relationships and the effects of racism. This is the second time Ivan has dealt with this topic while on a one-on-one date; both on the dates with Jessenia and his previous date with Tayshia during The Bachelorette. Ivan is good at it and he speaks thoughtfully about it. He is trusted to do so by the show, that is without a doubt.

Readers, I need your help. Who is Victoria P.? I legit do not remember anything about Victoria P. from Peter’s season, but now I will remember her for her devilish ways in Paradise. Knowing that the men have the power at the rose ceremony, Victoria knows she has to attach herself to someone. Initiate tracker beam eyes on James, AKA Box Bro.

The two start chatting and Victoria begins leading James on a short leash towards a safety rose. The bulky dude things a real connection is developing, but VICTORIA CAN NOT EVEN REMEMBER HIS NAME. This is not a joke. She is tossing this fun fact around to people on the beach. Victoria is literally admitting to people she is struggling to recollect the name of the human she is manipulating.

The 45 minutes of the episode is a tour-de-force from Tammy. Another woman from Pilot Pete’s season, Tammy pulls her best Demi and begins dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. First, the better version of Serena C. has to fend off her direct comparison. Serena C. has her eyes set on Aaron and as a last hail mary attempt, she brings him over to a relaxing area and attempts to win him over with her creativity…a bad musical rendition and a make out session.

Now, did I think Aaron would fall for it and Tammy would fold under anger? Yes. Was I wrong? Oh, you betcha.

Tammy goes over to Aaron and literally mounts him and ensures that the kiss he remembers from this specific night was hers. When she says that they should go back to the group and mingle, Aaron has to say that he is a weee bit excited so he can’t go anywhere for a few. What a win for Tammy. Fuck you Serena C.

The Tammy success train rages on. In addition to dropping the hammer on Serena C., Tammy drops the anvil on Victoria P. saying that she has a boyfriend at home in Nashville. She spreads that rumor around and then literally washes her hands in satisfaction. When Tammy tells James, you can tell she is riding from the high of being a breaker of news. The tid-bit about the dog that Victoria P. and her boyfriend share was a nice little exclamation point. Then there is the fun fact that Victoria P. couldn’t remember his name. WHOOF.

James has to take Victoria P. aside. When he asks her about what he has heard from Tammy (and a bit of Kelsey), Victoria P. did NOT TAKE IT WELL. Immediately she begins raising her voice and trying to defend her position. She is avoiding questions for the most part but more alarmingly, she is not letting other people talk. It was one of those things where everyone watching put on their lawyer glasses and started yelling “GUILTY!” at the screen. James was calm when he brought it up. Kelsey was serene when Victoria came up to her and Tammy. Tammy…well she got snippy but that is Tammy.

In what seemed like a really sudden twist, Victoria P. then decides it is time to leave. She goes and talks to James, then abruptly is like, I’m out. I literally looked down at Twitter, looked up again, and she was in the car. It is like she knew she was beaten and the benefit of her being on the show was not going to grow anymore now that this drama was brought up. He exciting meant that three girls were leaving, not four.

Demi, Victoria, Kelsey and Serena C. are on the chopping block with one rose available. Who will prevail?

If I were to place odds on who would survive before the last 20 minutes unfolded.

  • Demi (-250)
  • Victoria (+100)
  • Kelsey (+250)
  • Serena C. (+1000)

My rational:

  • Demi would NEVER be allowed to leave after one show. We see her flashing people in the season preview.
  • Victoria is another producers fantasy, but her Goddess persona is tempered by the heat of the beach.
  • Kelsey is beautiful and the most normal of this final four, but she hasn’t found what she is looking for and I can understand why some find her boring (though I do not)
  • Serena C. just tried to attach herself to Aaron (literally) but lost that battle to Tammy

James talks primarily to Demi and Kesley. Both women went about it in very different ways. Demi was flattering, fluttering the eyes and doing everything she can to blind the man’s long term planning with short term satisfaction. Kelsey was honest…to a fault. She was not going to lead him on and she basically told him that the rose he would give her would be a truce that each person can still find love and it can’t be with each other.

In summary: Boys are dumb, and James picked Demi.

Now next episode we will get more men sent to the island. We will see the drama unfold on Tuesday, August 24th on ABC.

RANDOM TID-BITS

  • Connor has a legit gift with the puns. Maurissa is in awe, and frankly I am ready for it as well.
  • The way that Karl introduced the date card was UGH. Just has to make himself the center of attention whenever he can.
  • Who wants to eat on a table in the water? That setting for Ivan and Jessenia’s dinner date was just weird.
  • Noah asking the people around him if Demi can send Brendan home after their bad one-on-one is a wonderful add in the edit. It shows that not everybody knows the rules to the show.
  • Noah’s little dig at Kenny calling him 55 when talking bout he and Mari was a funny, bro moment. It wasn’t malicious. It was like college dorm mates poking fun.
  • There was a cut away to Aaron lifting up his shirt and there was (what looked like) medical tape around his waist. I was confused why it was there, by it may just be to keep the mic pack attached.
  • When Kelsey told Tammy “You better go get your man…”, Tammy took that to heart.
  • Kenny looked damn good walking down the beach carrying his shoes.
  • There were so many open buttons at the sit down before the cocktail party and the rose ceremony. I think it is a prerequisite that you have to be willing to un-botton three buttons to be on the show.
  • We got far too little David Spade this episode. It was less than two minutes and he didn’t even get to introduce the rose ceremony! I know the show is grooming Wells to be the full time host, but Spade was wonderful as a guest emissary. His goodbye in the SUV poking fun at the people crying or leaving was great final touch.
  • Victoria really tried to survive for the rose ceremony just by mingling with everyone. Her best effort was against Tre but then the Thajnado came in.

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