Stanko's Stance

This one is going to be short. Warcraft (2016) is bad. Real bad.

Mike texted me saying “…watched Warcraft, holy crap it was terrible.” Naturally I was a bit bummed because I am a sucker for fantasy action and violence. He followed it up with a “Hor-en-dous.” You know it’s bad when someone has to phonetically spell out the awfulness.

Simply put, this movie lacks in absolutely everything except a truck-ton load of the color green and over-sized weaponry. Not even the action pieces sprinkled throughout the far too long two-hour watch could bring my attention to more than half a gaze.

Warcraft’s plot is jumpier than a bad video game and its dialogue is more truncated than a third-graders flashcard. Despite never playing Blizzard’s titular franchise, I am willing to lay down an ABSURD amount of money that the story and writing in the Warcraft video games are better than this major potion disappointment.

The plot that director Duncan Jones tries to navigate circles around a horde of orcs invading Azeroth using a magical portal. He and Charles Leavitt are credited as screenwriters for Warcraft; I understand that having to navigate through the immense lore is no easy task, but in trying to set up the world, the two lost sight of creating character and story depth.

There are rumors of a sequel…and I beg that it doesn’t happen. Warcraft disappointed in the United States box office, but it did bank overseas, resulting in more the $430 million worldwide box office. It is the highest grossing video-game movie in history…and that may be the kiss of death to clinch another edition into the Warcraft universe.

STANKO RATING: F