“Barbie lives in Barbie Land and then a story happens.

Director: Greta Gerwig
Writers: Noah Baumbach, Greta Gerwig
Staring: Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Will Ferrell, Helen Mirren, John Cena, Michael Cera, Emma Mackey, Simu Liu, Kate McKinnon
Release Date: July 21, 2023

Yea, yea, yea. This trailer came out last week. I know, I know. I have to get better at the timeliness of things, but life is hard man. Life is busy.

Perhaps I have been waiting to write this because I am in the minority of the world. I did not love this Barbie trailer. Everyone I know has been talking about it and loving it. People are saying that it is a sure fire, no doubt, best bet to beat Oppenheimer at the box office (looking at you Jason). To the rest of the world, I hear you, but I must respectfully throw a wet blanket onto the conversation.

So am I crazy to not be that enthralled by Barbie? Or at least this latest sneak peek? Greta Gerwig is going to poke fun at Barbie and the idea of society’s interpretation of perfection. It is going to be a satire. This was obvious from the jump. This trailer gave me some Pleasantville (1998) vibes. The couple of Barbie (Margot Robbie) and Ken (Ryan Gosling) are going to venture out of the Eden-esq Barbie Land and be faced with some harsh realities. This trailer set the tone for when they are in their version of paradise. We see the pristine bright colors of the landscape and the sculpted physiques of its occupants in full campy glory. I would be willing to say that Barbie is an early front runner for Best Production Design at the 96th Academy Awards because it would appear that they went all out creating the perfect Toys ‘R Us universe.

But all of these bright colors is not what I am most interested in the movie. I want to see the harsh world that they step into. I want to see the first time those pristine pink high heels have to touch shit in New York City. I want to see the faces and how they react when someone tells Barbie and Ken to “fuck off.” Essentially, I am most excited for how Gerwig and Baumbach show the innocence being lost. That is what will make me buy tickets for Barbie.

I know that I harp too much on Allegory of the Cave themes too many times, but Barbie is setting itself up perfectly for that. The thing is that I don’t care what small cave all these cartoonish characters live. I care about what is outside that cave. And then I want to see how the movie handles the lessons Barbie and Ken bring back to Barbie Land if that happens. Which I think it will. And for the record, I get it. I get why you don’t want this to be your main selling point in your first big trailer. That is not going to get people amped up.

But guess what. I am not most people. I am not super interested in the Material World, and nor am I interested in all the different actors who are playing different versions of Barbie and Ken. Well I am interested, but not in the way this trailer showed it off. I know I am sounding like asshole and a pretentious douche, but this trailer for Barbie was to get people in the door. That is it. It is a LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE IN THIS AND HOW PRETTY IT IS. IT IS GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF CHILDLIKE AWKAWRD HUMOR AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A DANCE BATTLE!

I know I am the dick. I know it. I will take your hate. I will be your lightning rod of hate.

I want it to be known that I am still very excited for Barbie. but I want a preview of the what the majority of the movie is going to be about. Not the child board game fare we got with this trailer.

Barbie releases into theaters on July 21, 2023.

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