We are a week away from the new season of The Bachelor. Seven days till the chaos is back. I have to say, the break has been nice. A good reset.
Am I excited to watch Zach Shallcross as The Bachelor? If we are in the trust tree…I really am not at all. They picked the most vanilla of the possible candidates.
- Zach, I really want to like you, but I am really struggling.
- He chose to chase after Rachel, and if we are being honest, he was the best fit for her. They both are the princess and princess
- The one-on-one date near the end of his time on The Bachelorette where he brought Rachel up to the roof to watch airplanes take off was honestly a stroke of genuis, whether it be his choice or his producer’s.
- Zach is going to cry a lot. That is undeniable. We are going to get a ton of tears.
So now let us delve into the craziness that will ensue with this cast of characters on The Bachelor who will be vying for Zach Shallcross’s heart.
- Aly has a very kind smile and face. She is very pretty.
- Oh she is a Disneyland person. Negative points for me.
- And Aly mentions her dog, which is named Texas. That is an odd name.
- A proud collector of porcelain dolls…that is creepy.
- What is broccolini?
Content Marketing Manager
San Diego, California
- The fan blower worker was going overtime come Anastasia’s photo shoot.
- Anastasia saying that she wants “a mature man who has his life together and knows what he wants” is maybe the best and most rational explanation of what you want.
- Who the fuck is Rufus Du Sol?
- Will there be a “Big Fat Greek” wedding joke? Absolutely.
- A strong connection to Cleopatra? That is weird.
- Actually very funny that she is scared about the low-rise skinny jeans thing.
New York City, NY
- Ukrainian family. She is going to get past the first week.
- Ariel is a world traveler, so will settling down with Zach be a thing that she wants to do?
- Who the fuck is SZA?
- Is Architectural Digest have more words or picture in it?
- Can totally agree that Abba makes the heart sing.
- So Bailey is not on dating apps where she has a choice of men…so she is going onto a show where she only has one man?
- Wants to be in the “wellness” world? What kind of wellness?
- Bailey wants to be a professional skydiver?? She wants to be the intro to sporting events for work?
- A Charlie Brown fan…and I am here to say that I don’t love Charlie Brown.
- Bailey is very pretty.
- The opening line of her bio is “Becca is incredible.” – that is weird. That seems like it is forcing it.
- A nursing student…so she is taking time out to be on the show?
- I like that Becca is looking for a man that she has “natural chemistry with who isn’t afraid to be goofy sometimes.” – This is like Emma and I, which I like.
- Becca’s photo looks very photoshopped in the upper right side of her face and hair. Looks like a tough cropping.
- I like that Becca admits to being a different person in high school; this is like a good look and a blast in the past.
Jersey City, New Jersey
- If she is owning her own business at 24, then she is doing good things.
- Brianna lived in Paris? She has been everywhere and done everything.
- She created her own language as a kid? She a mini James Cameron?
- Brianna does not do “Netflix and chill” – I feel like that phrase has passed by?
- Because she is a boss lady and has command of her own life, I can see Brianna making the move for the first kiss.
- A rodeo racer named Brooklyn? That is kinda a crazy name to job connection.
- So Brooklyn is a horse girl, and people have stereotypes about them…including myself. I only knew one growing up. Desiree. She was in my third grade class.
- Ohhh so wait, Brooklyn wants to be a rodeo racer, but she is actually a lab designer for life-chancing dental procedures.
- What does it mean when Brooklyn “hasn’t had the easiest path when it comes to her relationship history?”
- I also agree that teleporting would be an awesome ability.
- Cara has that stunningly beautiful look about her.
- Unfortunately, Cara’s bio is a little…bland?
- Cara hates seeing garbage on the sidewalk? She lives in a city… so that is a tough sell. And she would HATE New York City.
- Hahaha, I love that “Cara is not a good cook, but she is great at “assembling meals.”
New York, New YOrk
- Cat…looks like a Cat.
- What type of dance does Cat do?
- Oh she is literally laying out her ideal one-on-one in terms of cheese and crackers in the park. Take notes Zach.
- Why doesn’t Cat do dinner dates? Those are the most popular dates. Does she know that all the one-on-one dates and stuff end with a dinner…at night?
- She was a sailer instructor in high school. So she comes from a bit of money…
Child and Family Therapist
- A child and family therapist is maybe one of the best and most wholesome jobs you can have?
- Charity looks to be wearing something pretty elegant in her photo.
- So she is a mental health therapist. She can talk through problems with someone on the show. She can be a valuable asset, if she sticks around.
- Gosh darn-it, she was really good till she said she wants to MOVE to Walt Disney World.
- All-time favorite movie is “The Notebook” – surprised a little bit for someone who is 26.
- Charity throws a mean axe…that would be fun to see.
- This is when I am going to be my judgiest.
- Why the fuck does Christina Mandrell get her full name. Is it because she is a content creator? Are they just leaning into the whole bit now?
- Christina looks like she was designed in an AI program for Tik Tok relevancy.
- Christina has a child. Didn’t see that coming.
- Favorite sport is CrossFit. That raises a debate as to what is a sport.
Charleston, South Carolina
- Okay. One needs to say it. Her eyes are very far apart. I am sorry, but she is reminding me of the creature from Splice.
- This is the first musical reference I get from these bios; Lizzo, I got one.
- The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo is a book I have never heard of.
- She is ready for marriage and she wants it soon…does she just want to be engaged? This will be the question.
- I love Davia’s fun facts. The love for Taylor Swift is right up my alley, and her willingness to say she is a great burper is great behind-the-scenes fun. Will that be a post credit scene?
- Not often you get someone from Vermont! I am rooting for Gabi. We have had a good run of Gabi’s (Gabby, etc.) on the show.
- Is Zach an outdoorsy man? Ghat is what Gabi wants. Is that something that is attainable?
- Oh, so Gabi wants to get married in Italy? She already has all of that planned out? That is an automatic turn off for me before dating if that is the case.
- Gabi is a fan of the Kardashians and has a favorite, so negative points.
- I do do enjoy the love of tale gating, but you need to get into the game before it starts. That is the rule.
Baltimore City, Baltimore
- Another nurse. Just like Gabby. She wants to be a CEO of a hospital one day, which is a very lofty goal. Don’t turn into the executives who hide serial killers. I just watched The Good Nurse so it is stuck in my head.
- Who is Colleen Hoover and what books does she write?
- What sports does she play??
- Ugh, A Baltimore Ravens fan. Darnit. Negative points. But she is wearing people
- Genevie is incredibly pretty.
Medical Sales Rep
- Greer is my type. Big eyes, brown hair and a cute smile. Damnit.
- Greer is also incredibly young, so this is not going to go well. She likes to speak her mind, but she doesn’t know all the consequences yet.
- A sucker for forehead kisses. Zach really seems like the type for this, so that’s a good match.
- Okay, what can you tell from someone’s sushi order?
- Greer says she is never embarrassed, but this is national TV. Something is going to happen.
Boca Raton, Florida
- Holland has a huge smile and a very unique name.
- “Unwavering commitment” – does this mean she will get upset when Zach has to show interest in other women? For sure, absolutely.
- Wine and sushi are favorite foods; I can understand liking them but not being obsessed.
- She mentions being on the beach and Florida and loving her beach time; would she be willing to switch coasts?
- I don’t agree with any of Holland’s fun facts
- I never really want to go yachting
- I can living without air conditoning
- Her favorite show is “The Bachelor” – soooo we are just being blatant about this now?
Winter Springs, Florida
- 23 years old??? You are a child! A child!!
- The address her age in the first sentence of her bio and say that she is mature. This will most definitely be put to the test haha.
- She wants a romance like a Taylor Swift song. She must mean early Taylor Swift because recent albums have not highlighted song like those.
- It sounds like Jess came on the show for Zach, so she does have that going for her I guess.
- How is petting puppies a dating activity?
- JESS LOVES BANANAGRAMS. WE ARE ALL IN ON JESS. EVERYTHING IS BACK ON TRACK.
- So Nurse is a thing now on Bachelor nation?
- Hmmm, a Canadian.
- They actually directly quoted her in her bio. That is a big shocking. I frankly wish that they would do that more: “I truly hope to find love. I have so much love to give to the right man.”
- Luckily for Kaity, I think Zach wants a big family. I am not going to look it up, but I vaguely remember that.
- Kaity isn’t afraid of sliding into the DMs…did she do that with Zach already?
- Has Kaity been to Cedar Point if she is such a big roller coaster fan.
- Katherine has Disney villain hair. Voluptuous and loud.
- ANOTHER NURSE!!
- I do love how Katherine wants a good communicator as a partner. That is important. That is actually smart.
- I will give Katherine credit. What she wants in a man all seems to make sense.
- Katherine’s nose in the picture is a little bit bigger that Julia Roberts.
- I get the glamping instead of camping. I get that.
- Katherine’s bio is boring, whichmeans she may be normal.
Los Angeles, California
- Holy defined cheek bones Batman. She is a model in her free time.
- Six years is a very long time for a relationship to not work. Genuinely hope she is okay after that.
- Is there such thing as the perfect partner? I just don’t know.
- I can get behind the picnic dinner date, but I don’t like the beach. That is sand in the food.
- She admits to having been in love before, so she should not be one to rush into it.
- Drinking win in PJs…that is something my fiance can get behind.
- What quantifies as old school hip-hop? I am same age as Kimberly so I am curious.
Charlotte, North Carolina
- ANOTHER NURSE. JESUS CHRIST IS SOMEONE GOING TO DIE THIS SEASON?
- Kylee is also an NBA dancer. Living in North Carolina, it has to be for the Charlotte Hornets. Not a very good NBA team, but damn.
- Oh, she wants a baby of her own ASAP. Makes sense with the job. Just a lot of pressure for Zach.
- So Kylee wants the soccer mom life. I wish I could be a stay-at-home dad, I think.
- Kylee falls in love hard and fast. She seems to want all things at once.
- What the fuck is Olaplex oil?
- Kylee’s celebrity crush is Jimmy Garoppolo. No shit. He is hot as fuck.
- Damn she has living everywhere. India, California, North Carolina, New York, and Florida.
- Lekha is a belly dancer. Need her belly dancing skills against those at are NBA dancer or dancer studier.
- It is a very interesting dynamic that her parent’s family was arranged and Lekha is kinda doing the exact opposite.
- Does Zach have abs since that is her biggest turn on?
- I do NOT ever EVER want to go to Stagecoach.
Fargo, North Dakota
- From Fargo, Minnesota…so we are going to need some talk on her accent. It is going oto happen.
- Her younger sisters are part of her relationship? How much younger are they? Is there a gap? Also they will for sure be at hometowns then if Madison gets there.
- Zach is for sure an empathetic person, so Madison has that going for her.
- A presidential scholar?? That is no easy task.
- Madison dislikes all sauces…so like tomato sauce on pasta?
- Pausing time is a good super power too. We have that and teleporting.
Non-Profit Case Manager
- So…Mercedes may be a long lost sibling of Serena? We call kinda see it, right?
- Has four jobs?? And she is coming on the show? She can do that? Will she have those jobs when she gets back??
- So Mercedes needs her mom’s approval. That won’t come up in hometowns at all. And it is important because I guess she does family dinners every Sunday.
- What exactly does showing pigs mean?
- I guess the driving with windows down and blasting music is okay. it is better than wanting to order in instead of cooking.
Patient Care Technician
Rochester, New York
- Olivia L. looks like someone that went to college the same time I did. To Brittany who is now a veterinarian, Olivia L. looks like you.
- Oh, a basketball player. From Rochester, NY. Did she stay local to play basketball?
- Another healthcare worker. So many.
- She has been to every state in the US? That is impressive. Wonder how much travel came basketball games, tournaments, etc.
- I love how Olivia credits Grey’s Anatomy for her inspiration to get into medicine. The show that is the most unlike any actual hospital.
- Huge eyes. Tractor beam eyes.
- Will she be designing her own dresses that she wears on the show? That would be cool.
- I agree with the cuddling up on the couch part. That is pretty much a nightly occorance for Emma and I.
- She color codes her book shelf? That is a very unique way of doing that.
- Olivia loves carbs. As does everyone. Respect.
Long Island, New YOrk
- Sonia looks way younger than 29 years old in this photo.
- A Long Island Girl. We are going to get her being sassy with someone. Also she is close to her family. This is all true for Long Island girl. It’s not a bad thing by any means, just the way of life.
- She has had serious relationships before, so does mean she will be sucked into this new world or will she struggle to see it for what it is?
- Sonia never says no to a game of “truth or dare”, so who is going to ask to play…her or Zach?
- Sonia loves Elvis, so what did she think of the new movie? Was she allowed to see it?
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
- 23 year old…another baby.
- Second person among these contestants to list out Kardashian in their bio. Vanessa wants to be like Kris Jenner.
- Vanessa considers herself a foodie, so will she actually eat the food if she goes on a one-on-one work.
- Why is it that Vanessa played so much freeze tag? That is a very random fun fact. I like that.
Fort Worth, Texas
- Victoria J. looks terrifying. But I like it.
- A professional makeup artists can be a very solid profession if you have consistent gigs.
- Her bio is pretty bland with nothing too crazy. Loving parents. Wants a mature man. Kinda same-old, same-old.
- Oh a degree in dance performance? Will she dance off with Kylee?
- I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE HYPE AROUND PETE DAVIDSON EITHER!
- Are there cool cute ski outfits? I have only seen those in like bound movies.
- An Austrian. Interesting. A unique looking women for sure.
- She moved to the US by herself and lives in NYC. I wouldn’t voluntarily move to NYC with someone, so good for Viktoria.
- Another contestant who mentions having kids of her own. That seems to be a theme this season.
- She wants to go to Hawaii someday. Perhaps The Bachelor will send everyone there?
- Don’t discriminate against blue tortilla chips!
The Bachelor premieres Monday, January 23rd on ABC.
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