Here it is. Time to get back to my stream of consciousness listing making brain dumping recaps of each Bachelor episode. Let’s get to it.


  • Alright, episode two. Now we are going to get a better sense of who these people really are.
  • How are these girls just seeing the mansion now? I thought they had to walk into it? But I guess it was dark when they all had their entrances.
  • Someone new that Jesse Palmer was on the show before hand…she shouted it out before Jesse could even acknowledge it.
    • He keeps on saying he is in a happy relationship and married now…but it did not come from the show. That part is never mentioned.
  • Alright, now it is time for the first group date.
    • It is creating a kid’s party with Hillary Duff! It is nice to see her back on my TV. I know my sisters liked it.
    • It didn’t click for me that the date card “this is what dreams are made of” was the title of a Hilary Duff song. I needed a reminder 30 minutes into the date. I know, I am ashamed.
      • Gabby had some bad comments about dreams. Like it was just a weird flow. She was fed the line.
        • Credit where credit is due, Gabby’s denim outfit fits Duff’s primary fame area.
    • Cassidy is WAYYYYY to excited to see Hillary Duff. Like, way too excited.
      • She is going to constantly say she is here strictly for Clayton, but I really feel she is here to just get some face time with her childhood idol.
      • We knew that Cassidy was going to be a big portion of this date when they showed her a dozen times before the drama even unfolded.
      • Cassidy is just not giving a flying fuck about the kids. She says she is not here to build anything, she is here for Clayton.
      • Cassidy pulls Clayton aside to the pool and has a very very aggressive make out session. Very, very aggressive.
    • So Cassidy gets some one-on-one time with Hillary Duff and the guest star asks how things are going with Clayton…Hillary knows the game that Cassidy is playing. She knows the manipulation that is happening.
    • Cassidy just creating enemies everywhere. She basically tells the kids that she doesn’t like them. She made enemies of the girls on the date by not helping at all with the building of the party.
      • She left Gabby in the dust the most, leaving her alone to build the little house.
    • The kids teaching Teddi to floss was cute.
    • This is going to be a flashforward but the credits scene with Clayton as the clown was super cringe.
    • Now we have Cassidy bringing out the cake…that Genevieve decorated. THEN SHE DROPPED THE CAKE! She should not have been the one to bring it out, and then she ruined it. Just ughhhhhh the worsttttt.
    • No we head to the cocktail party.
      • Serene with a nice story about how she became a teacher. She was able to solidify herself as someone that I know and recognize.
        • She got the makeout at the end as well. All good things for Serene.
      • Cassidy made a comment that made it seem like she was going to do only do things if she was paid for.
      • Kira and Terri had a simultaneous knee/leg cross when Cassidy was being a jerk and it was great.
      • Teddi really did not do well for herself when she said she needed more validation already and it was only the first date. She got the first impression rose for christ sake!!
    • We heard a lot of girls say to Clayton that he was different than anyone else they dated. I wouldn’t say that all the time.
    • Cassidy gets the one-on-one date and the treacherous behavior is awarded. Ewwwwwwwww.
  • Susie gets the one-on-one date with Clayton, and I am going to be honest here, I am not going to have much to say because all things were hunky-dorey.
    • How jealous is Rachel that Susie got to go with a helicopter date and be all areal and she didn’t?
      • We got this answer. She is jealous. She felt like it should have been her.
    • The helicopter ride went ride over the mansion and everyone noticed.
    • The dinner portion of this date was just all good things. The shared stories and there was not an awkward moment.
    • There was a live musician aspect to the date so that is always kind of “mehhh”
      • Very interesting that Clayton went to go and get the rose to five it to Susie while the performer was still singing. That was something different.
    • Clayton mentioned on the date that Susie is humble, and I really do have to agree. She has no idea how pretty and awesome she is. She fits the Midwest vibe.
    • My girlfriend loved the dresses that Emma had the entire date.
      • She DEMANDS that Clayton (and all men really) dress up better on their dates and the dinner portions
        • For the record, I liked Clayton’s zip-up.
  • Second group date has nearly everyone but…except Jill and Eliza.
    • Eliza made up for it at the cocktail party with a cute exchange.
    • Jill didn’t have the redemption arc with Clayton, but she asked why she left her cat and that was a funny chuckle.
  • This second date is Sha-Nay-Nay’s coming out party as a truly horrendous villain and overall person.
    • Sha-Nay-Nay did the jump hug. The run and jump hug to Clayton. There it is.
  • Sarah looks BEAUTIFUAL but she only 23 years old
  • Okay so first portion of this second date is Ziwe hosting a “Never Have I Ever” game but it is meant to raise certain red flags.
    • Ziwe knocked this entire sequence out of the park.
      • The over-the-top bad guy was very funny.
      • Also she rocked her outfit so so well.
    • She asks Sha-Nay-Nay to do the Nay-Nay and SHE ACTUALLY DOES IT!
    • Appreciate the honesty of Elizabeth asks if high school counts as cheating on relationship and she races yes when it is decided that it does.
      • Now with that being said…Sha-Nay-Nay saying that cheating in high school is the ultimate red flag is really over the top
  • The second portion of this date is this obstacle course
    • Sha-Nay-Nay shoving Elizabeth right in the boob was a move. She really really wants to win this but I mean that was aggressive.
    • Sarah wins this obstacle course…the smallest on the course gets the job done!
      • She gets the extra time with Clayton, but we don’t get to see it. So that does not bode well.
      • Also she has to talk to Clayton in all this oozy nasty stuff? We don’t like that.
    • The friend zone is the losers circle. Don’t know if that is improvisation or what but I like it.
  • So the cocktail party…this is where Sha-Nay-Nay turns into the nasty one.
    • Why does she hate Elizabeth so much? I do not get it.
    • Sha-Nay-Nay tells Clayton that Elizabeth is not a good person…but doesn’t really have any examples? I just don’t understand. She just says Elizabeth is here for the wrong reasons.
      • Now this just derails it all for Elizabeth, she was the front runner for the rose all until this drama broke out.
        • Clayton ends up pulling her over and talking to her on the side and everyone knows something is wrong. Elizabeth handles the conversation with Clayton really well, and now it is time to go talk to Sha-Nay-Nay.
    • We love Elizabeth because she just put Sha-Nay-Nay in a pretzel when they talked one-on-one.
      • They have a hug after the conversation and Elizabeth really tries to mend the fences. The hug however made Elizabeth seem like the hopeful one in the convo.
        • Somewhere in this exchange…Sha-Nay-Nay thinks that Elizabeth says that she loves her? Girl. You straight up making up those worse.
      • Elizabeth brings up to Sha-Nay-Nay that she has ADHD and that is why she struggled looking at things head on for a long time. Sha-Nay-Nay doesn’t buy this and then just belittlers her for the remainder of the episode about it. It is just nasty.
  • Clayton saying that he appreciates all of the real honesty that is happening with the girls is very rich with the villainy of Sha-Nay-Nay and Cassidy. That is how he begins the final cocktail party.
    • It is as this point that it is very obvious that Sha-Nay-Nay has no idea what ADHD is.
    • How stupid is Cassidy!!??
      • She told Sierra about a fuck-buddy that she had just before coming on the show and how they were still exchanging texts just before the show was starting talking about cuffing season after the show. I mean not great idea bob. THERE ARE CAMERAS EVERWHERE.
        • I love how when Sierra was talking about this exchange she had with Cassidy, the actually rolled the footage with the audio to prove that Sierra wasn’t making it up.
      • Sierra tells Clayton this fact just like “ripping off the band-aid.” It is straight to the point.
  • What an awesome cliff-hanger at the end. Clayton asking Jesse if he can take back a rose and Jesse just being SHOCKED. Just a great ending. Credit where credit is due.
  • I do not like Sha-Nay-Nay or Cassidy, but they are great and necessary for this show. Thank you for filling that role, whether or not you know you are doing it or not.


22. Shanae (Sha-Nay-Nay)

(Last Week 7)

What a raging bitch. While Cassidy knows the game, Sha-Nay-Nay is just a terrible person with no empathy or awareness.

21. Cassidy

(Last Week 11)

She is not here for Clayton. She is here for Hillary Duff.

20. Hunter

(Last Week 16)

Who is Hunter? I do not know her.

19. Melina

(Last Week 18)

Don’t really know who this is either…is this a reflection on me or on the show?

18. Genevieve

(Last Week 21)

Genevieve again just leaves a weird vibes. Just struggling to connect with her. The cake decorating at the cocktail party was cute.

17. Serena

(Last Week 17)

Had the good story about becoming a teacher and that means she is going to be around another week.

16. Kate

(Last Week 14)

Kate has a very distinct smile but haven’t gotten a sense for her personality yet.

15. Gabby

(Last Week 20)

Gabby has the Justin effect where she can not hide her reactions and that is for the betterment of the show and us the viewer.

14. Marlena

(Last Week 19)

An Olympian and she could definitely outrace Colton. NO DOUBT!

13. Jill

(Last Week 9)

Jill had the funny comment about leaving her cats behind. She maybe isn’t playing with house money not being on any dates, but still a good line.

12. Lyndsey W.

(Last Week 13)

We barely heard anything from her this episode. Like nothing at all. She was in pink. That is what I remember.

11. Teddi

(Last Week 3)

Really did not like how much validation Teddi needed early on. That can not possibly bode well at all.

10. Mara

(Last Week 22)

Mara grew on me a lot more than I expected this episode. Her awkward stare off with Cassidy was maybe the highlight from the entire episode.

9. Tessa

(Last Week 4)

I think she said four words this episode?

8. Kira

(Last Week 10)

Kira was calm cool and collective when all the drama was going down. She also is very pretty, but she really was able to throw barbs calmly .

7. Sierra

(Last Week 8)

She handled telling Claying about telling Cassidy so well. She has officially stirred the pot so well dishing out the stupid thing Cassidy shared.

6. Ency

(Last Week 5)

Ency is just gorgeous. She did nothing during the group date, but she looked beautiful.

5. Eliza

(Last Week 6)

She was not on a group date this week but they still made sure to show her at the cocktail party. That pays massive dividends in terms of people’s perspective.

4. Rachel

(Last Week 2)

Rachel has to be super-duper jealous she didn’t get to go on the flying date with Susie. That is a tough look. But I still like her a lot.

3. Sarah

(Last Week 12)

Sarah is just cute as a button. The smallest person in the group date won the contest. She looks better on camera than in this photo.

2. Elizabeth

(Last Week 15)

Easily the biggest mover this week. She handled Sha-nay-nay being a bitch so well and also she is gorgeous. Emma, if you are reading this, I am sorry for being so late to the party.

1. Susie

(Last Week 1)

Still love everything about Susie. Her one-on-one date was awesome and she does genuinely seem really humble about how beautiful she is.

The next episode of The Bachelor airs on Monday, January 24 at 8 PM ET on ABC. The Bachelor franchise is skipping this upcoming Monday because of NFL football. It makes sense.

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