The only bit of reality TV that watch regularly is The Bachelor, The Bachelorette and Bachelor In Paradise. I swear that there is a little bit of everything in these shows for everyone.

Tayshia was a savoir on this past season of the The Bachelorette, and for the first time in a long time, there was an actual happy (not to dramatic) ending. Zac didn’t necessary stick out from the get-go (don’t tell my girlfriend that because she was captaining his hype train from the start), but the start of a new season in this franchise means a look at the over 30 contestants looking for love.

Now onto The Bachelor, we have Matt James as the eligible man. Plain and simple, he is a 28-year old hunk. Now there are over 30 women hoping to get to know this man more on a more intimate level.

So here is what I am going to do. Each woman is going to get a maximum of three bullet point reaction from me. This is strictly my gut reaction.

ABIGAIL
Age: 25
Occupation: Client Financial Manager
Beaverton, OR

  • She likes to golf in her free time!!
  • The method of literally bumping into men she is interested in is hilarious and genius. Worked with me once and so it seems full proof.
  • I actually like how she doesn’t believe in love at first sight

ALANA
Age: 26
Occupation: Photographer
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

  • We need a pun counter on the show for Alana.
  • It takes guts to move somewhere on a whim…guts and stupidity.
  • I wonder what programs she enrolled in Europe?

ALICIA
Age: 24
Occupation: Professional Ballerina
New York, NY

  • Professional Ballerina is such a cool job. I hope she dances circles around the competition.
  • Her ideal date is very expensive and that scares me
  • This is where I learned that Tomatoes are not vegetables

AMBER
Age: 30
Occupation: Nursing Student
Costa Mesa, CA

  • I am really sorry, but I just don’t like Amber. She seems WAY to into herself based off the photos
  • She has the same dead fish pucker look face in a ton of her photos!
  • I will say it…30 year old nursing student…what has she been doing?

ANNA
Age: 24
Occupation: Copywriter
Chicago, IL

  • Anyone who mentions horoscopes in their bios is a red flag to me
  • Anna has a little bit of crazy eyes
  • She is terrified of fish and loves cheese…I am literally the exact opposite

BRI
Age: 24
Occupation: Communication Manager
San Francisco, CA

  • Bri is very pretty. Also love the shirt in her photo now.
  • I enjoy brunches, but if you have them too much I feel like it’d take away from their specialness.
  • I need and want to know the social media company she works for.

CAROLYN
Age: 30
Occupation: Journalist
Los Angeles, CA

  • I really wanted to like Carolyn because she is a journalist but she can please step off her high horse for a split hot second PLEASE.
  • Carolyn is a stand-up for the Broadway play wicked.
  • Nothing upsets her more than injustice…I need to know when she developed this value. I may (and hope) I am wrong, but this seems like a thing to garner good will with the political climate now.

CASANDRA
Age: 25
Occupation: Social Worker
Newport Beach, CA

  • Hey Tifani Moran, is this you?
  • What percentage of girls have sunflowers as their favorite flower?
  • I love the fact that she is able and knowing she can be entertained on her own.

CHELSEA
Age: 28
Occupation: Runway Model
Brooklyn, NY

  • I think Chelsea is going to go very very far in this show.
  • Chelsea’s favorite meal is “snacks” which is a perfect summation of how I eat. Eat like a bird and just graze.
  • She is a “Runway” model…not just a “model.” She is in the real corporate business of it.

CORRINNE
Age: 22
Occupation: Marketing Manager
Pomfret, CT

  • Two immediate thoughts: Could I afford her family’s restaurant and how is the business doing during COVID?
  • I personally do not find Corrinne that attractive at all
  • But I gotta root for a fellow Connecticut person.

EMANI
Age: 25
Occupation: Realtor
Albuquerque, NM

  • CAN YOU HAVE A LAMER ANSWER THAN THIS?? – “When asked if se could be anyone else for a day, Emani says he would be herself because she is ‘pretty cool.'”

ILLEANA
Age: 25
Occupation: Health Food Developer
New York, NY

  • I think Illeana is very cute. Just very cute.
  • I am not a huge pet guy to begin with…but a sophisticated cat that is potty trained is serial killer stuff.
  • I will lay money down that we get to see Illeana figure skate at some point this season seeing how she was on a synchronized ice-skating team.

JESSENIA
Age: 27
Occupation: Social Media Marketer
San Antonio, TX

  • I love that job. Speaks to me.
  • How do you pronounce her name?
  • I am very confused by her travel the world but also staycation preferences. You can’t really prefer both can you

KAILI
Age: 26
Occupation: Hostess
Chicago, IL

  • Mad respect for her wanting to compete in an ultra-marathon.
  • The whole performing social service thing and saying she loves to it is not my ideal way of giving back.
  • My girlfriend said she respects hostesses more than social media marketers and I felt personally attacked.

KATIE
Age: 29
Occupation: Bank Marketing Manager
Renton, WA

  • Katie is BEAUTIFUAL. My gawd. Also that shade of green (drooling).
  • Everything about her bio is solid till the…dog flash mob. Again, me not a dog person, and also not a flash mob person. Just two hard family feud “X” sounds from me.
  • I can’t get over how pretty Katie is.

KHAYLAH
Age: 28
Occupation: Healthcare Advocate
Durham, NC

  • Durham, INC…is she a basketball fan?
  • I can get behind the “only likes camping if its glamping” idea
  • I need to know what Khaylah’s go-to tailgate food is

KIMBERLY
Age: 28
Occupation: Airline Recruiter
Seattle, WA

  • For the record, I think I can make a date to the cemetery fun
  • Prediction: I think she walks away from this season after not getting enough attention from Matt.
  • I like she wants a workout buddy.

KIT
Age: 21
Occupation: Fashion Entrepreneur
New York, NY

  • GET HER OFF THE SHOW, SHE IS ONLY 21 YOU IDIOTS!!
  • She is still in college!!! Matt please do the right thing and send her home.
  • I can afford none of her clothes from her new fashion business. She is 21 years old. I can’t get it out of my head.

KRISTIN
Age: 27
Occupation: Attorney
Virginia Beach, VA

  • If she is a party starter…that means she likes going to parties which for me is a no-go bro.
  • Respect the Disney song love. Have to embrace it. But please don’t be a “OMG DISNEY WEDDING” type of person.
  • I empathize with puting career first.

LAUREN
Age: 29
Occupation: Corporate Attorney
Miami, FL

  • Okay, dumb question. What is biggest difference between corporate attorney and regular attorney?
  • I think Matt will be attracted to her a lot if I had to guess.
  • I want to be more impressed by her bio than I actually am.

MAGI
Age: 32
Occupation: Pharmacist
Adwa, Ethiopia

  • What is Magi wearing in her photo?
  • When did she move to the U.S. to Ethiopia?
  • There is a lot of “Oh I like this…Oh don’t love this…Oh but ’tis is cool…oh but not this.

MARI
Age: 24
Occupation: Marketing Director
Odenton, MD

  • Ahh naturally, gotta have the beauty pageant contestant. But finishing top-10 in Miss USA is pretty impressive.
  • Her loving to sing but not being good at it…yea me too Mari.
  • Also…how do you pronounce her name?

MARYLYNN
Age: 28
Occupation: Event Coordinator
Studio City, CA

  • This is going to be mean, but I just don’t find Marylynn attractive. She could be a body double for the Kardashians.
  • I don’t think we would be friends.
  • She hopes to start several companies…but she is going on this show? COVID seems like the time to start planning that with the extra time.

MJ
Age: 23
Occupation: Hair Stylist
Hudson, OH

  • LOVE the name and LOVE the hair. Hope her hair dresser business is doing well in COVID.
  • A man with a plan and who is always on time…well hello there MJ.
  • Camping in the Sahara desert must be very hard. I wonder how long she was camping for.

PIEPER
Age: 23
Graduate Student
Happy Valley, OR

  • Pieper is very cute. Immediate attraction of the eyes.
  • Not having a job right now prolly lines up well with the filming of the season and means she is flexible to move post show
  • Can Pieper play the right run and be the pied piper for Matt? (I AM HILARIOUS)

RACHAEL
Age: 24
Occupation: Graphic Designer
Cumming, GA

  • Looks like Rebecca Black from “Friday”
  • SHE MENTIONED MOVIES IN HER BIO
  • Can she teach me to get better at graphic design?

SANEH
Age: 25
Occupation: IT Consultant
Denver, CO

  • She has ran a marathon! We have a runner!
  • In the Hall of Fame at 25…I mean isn’t there like a time limit?
  • Agree on those shopping cart monsters. Don’t create even more chaos in a parking lot please.

SARAH
Age: 24
Occupation: Broadcast Journalist
San Diego, CA

  • She has experience on TV as a broadcast journalist. A massive leg-up on the competition.
  • Commitment to faith…no thank you.
  • A guarantee we see the fire dancing on the show. Maybe as a walk out of the limo ice breaker

SERENA C.
Age: 24
Occupation: Flight Attendant
San Francisco, CA

  • I could care less about putting together the perfect outfit…
  • I LOVE that she doesn’t love birthday attention. Wish more people were like that.
  • You can not travel all the time and be focused solely on career. Unless your job is literally to fly (AKA she is a flight attendant so she thinks its normal)

SERENA P.
Age: 22
Occupation: Publicist
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

  • The dive bar or courtside at basketball game pleases me greatly.
  • She seems incredibly normal. Like lovably normal. She will grow on me a lot if she gets to continue
  • I hope she is mature for 22 and can get above all the drama that is going to be dug up.

SYDNEY
Age: 28
Occupation: Marketing Specialist
Nashville, TN

  • Sydney has an awesome smile. Seems like an optimistic person
  • Why is it embarrassing to say you loved the “Twilight” books? I feel like everyone liked them. Not embarrassing.
  • I think Sydney’s expectations are a little bit too high just based off her bio. Beating around the bus and not being direct is what makes the show…you know…the show?

VICTORIA
Age: 24
Occupation: Queen
Los Angeles, CA

  • Her job is “queen.” NOPE.

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