General Topics
Stanko Update: I’m A Married Man.
I am a married man. There is a ring on my finger. Emma and I did the damn thing.
I am a married man. There is a ring on my finger. Emma and I did the damn thing.
Phew, it feels good.
Rather than the rantings and ravings of a sick man frustrated with his illness, this fifth edition of the Stanko Chemotherapy Manifesto is going to be filled with some drips of joy and happiness. How about that for a change?
The overwhelming emotion I feel is gratitude. Somehow, some way, I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life and then put a ring on her finger. I married my best friend. It’s unbelievable and all too real.
I, Jonathan Stanko, am a happy newlywed. I can say that with a smile, and I think this smile is permanent.
Then there is the whole cancer angle. Yea, unfortunately, that monstrosity still exists even in this happy post-wedding phase. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t grateful and relieved that my body was able to hold up for the majority of two very long days. Between the rehearsal gathering and dinner on the 4th and the wedding itself on the 5th, there was always a (large) nagging worry that I would literally collapse from exertion. Thankfully, with a few mental and physical breaks built in, my body not only made it the 48 hours, but lasted till the end of the night each time.
I mean, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The rehearsal gathering was a big challenge (being it was 95 degrees outside) and I needed a blow from the bullpen to help me get through it. Even at the wedding itself, there was a period where I had to plant my ass in a seat and just guzzle down water. Unfortunately, this time occurred during the majority of the dancing frenzy, so I didn’t get to dazzle the crowd with my Don’t Stop Believing moves.
Thank you to Emma for being with me during these moments when I needed to slow myself down. Thank you to those who filled the void when Emma went and rightfully socialized and celebrated the fact she tied the knot. Here is to you, Uncle Kevin and Aunt Sylvia; thank you for talking to me like a normal human at the rehearsal gathering and helping me come to grips with giving myself some grace. And a tip of the cap to Jake, Alicia, Alexis, and Zamin for your hospitality at the wedding; I planted my butt at your table for 90 minutes and you four kept me entertained and well-hydrated as I regained strength and periodically talked with approaching guests.
It is overwhelming to know that so many people made the effort to come and celebrate Emma and me getting married. Everyone deserves a round of applause for the energy they brought. Everywhere I looked, I saw smiles and camaraderie. When it comes down to brass tax, a wedding is a giant party, and as a party host, the most important thing is that the guests have a good time.
While everyone gets a ribbon for their drinking and dancing abilities, a select few deserve an extra pat on the back.
First of all, shoutout to the groomsmen and bridesmaids. There were more than a few twists and turns in the months leading up to the wedding, and these ten individuals took every “recalculating” moment in stride.
I have already written about how my best man, Steve, planned an ad-lib Memorial Day Bachelor gathering. That is just one of his clutch performances from this whole ordeal. Steve also made sure Mario Kart Double Dash was played on my wedding day. What more can you possibly ask for? The man nearly broke the hotel TV to make it happen! Then, at the wedding, Steve had to do his least favorite thing in the world: public speaking. I think Steve would rather set up for a live production with two hours’ notice and no additional help than talk into a microphone. With that being said, Steve delivered a great Best Man speech that poked just a taddddd too much fun at Tom Brady. He had a fantastic punny joke that deserved a round of applause. I could hear Stefan’s laugh all the way from the back of the room.
And if people didn’t know “Wedding Steve”…they sure do now. After the speech, Steve turned into the dancing Tasmanian devil, and it was a beautiful sight to see.
Thank you Steve.
Then there is the Maid of Honor, Hannah.
You know Hannah did her job well when I heard from multiple different bridesmaids say (paraphrasing) “Hannah is on her shit.” Emma could speak much more to everything Hannah did, but I want to speak to what I saw.
Hannah ensured that Emma was in the best state of mind whenever possible. She navigated the little stresses of the days and did everything she could to shield Emma from the small decisions and headaches. It was the way Hannah approached every moment ready for battle and every battle she fucking won. It doesn’t matter if someone is watching or not; Hannah is armored up.
I cannot tell you how much of a relief it was to see Emma’s and my stuff sorted out come the end of the wedding festivities. Hannah, as well as other bridesmaids, made sure it was easy to find my various backpacks of drugs, backup clothes, and backup food IN ADDITION to Emma’s wedding travel kit. It was such a small thing, but damn, did it mean the world at the moment.
Tangent time. One small story before a final shoutout.
The Venue at Winding Hills (shoutout to everyone there; you nailed it) opened its pro shop for the wedding party to store all their stuff. The snack-filled area was also used as my medical escape. There was a point during the wedding celebration when I needed to take a pill and get my blood thinner shot. Emma is there with me because she lovingly did not want to leave my side, and Emily (Steve’s wife) is getting ready to do medical things. I am taking my dress shirt off (which felt so good because it was so sweaty) and sitting in the chair behind the desk.
All of a sudden, the door opens.
In walks this man we have never seen before. He introduces himself, and we learn that he is the owner of Winding Hills. He asks me to get out of the chair because I am not allowed to be behind the desk. Not wanting to cause a scene, I say I totally understand, and I will get up as soon as I get my blood-thinning cancer shot.
Folks, this man’s backtracking was hilarious. Everyone in the room could see the lightbulb moment go off in his head: “Ohhhh, this is the groom. That’s right, he has cancer.”
Now, all credit to this man. He was more than understandable, and it ended up being a good laugh. He even ended up helping Emma and me pack at the end of the night and driving us back to the AirBNB. No harm came from this, and I got out of the chair as quickly as possible. The whole scene felt like a sitcom. It was a welcomed moment of levity. It made the shot much easier to take.
Alright, back to scheduled programming. A final specific shoutout.
Michael Ritz. One of my groomsmen, but more importantly, our ceremony officiant.
One of the first things Emma and I agreed on when planning the wedding was that Ritz was the perfect person to officiate our wedding. He speaks from the heart, has his unique voice (metaphorically), and, most importantly, would make it a mix of romantic and fun. Emma and I didn’t want to do the traditional ceremony. We wanted to ensure it represented who we are as people, and Ritz matched that.
Just because Emma and I wanted Ritz doesn’t mean he’d magically accept. It is a big responsibility. Thankfully, Ritz took on the task, embraced it with open arms, and fucking nailed it.
Months before the wedding Ritz gave Emma and me booklets with questions about ourselves and our relationship. We filled out our answers in private and from there, Ritz read through the scribbles to help shape his heartfelt speech. Massive credit must be paid to the man because he had to read through literal scribbles and wet-ink stains. 95% of those squinting moments trying to understand the writing came from my hand. I am accountable.
Random family members approached me after the ceremony, asking who Ritz was and complimenting him on his emceeing abilities. You know it’s good when the grandmas are happy.
Ritz, thank you for being exactly who you are and making the ceremony feel fun and authentic. The jokes, feelings, delivery, and pace were all perfect. Emma and I can’t wait to rewatch the ceremony and pick up on the little things we surely missed. And I can’t wait for the B-roll hot mic moments. Brush brush.
While I’ve shouted out three individuals, others also deserve their flowers.
I’d like to give my parents a loud round of applause. They organized the rehearsal dinner and helped keep me sane and hydrated in the moments leading up to the ceremony. And Mom and Dad, I forgive you for not making it to the ceremony rehearsal. This is how the exchange went on the phone on Thursday, July 4th, at around 1:15 PM.
Me: Hey, are you guys here?
Parents: Yea! We are in Montgomery and just finished a bite to eat.
Me: No, I mean here at the venue?
Parents: No, we are at the Olive Garden.
Mom. Dad. When you said Olive Garden, I could not help but laugh a little. I told a few people who asked where you were, and I just said “The Olive Garden.” The endless soup, salad, and breadsticks is an unmatched bargain. The Olive Garden may become an all-time running joke for me.
I can’t roll past the rehearsal dinner. My parents planned it and opened up an invitation for anyone to speak who wasn’t speaking at the wedding. All four parents volunteered, and all four delivered.
My dad did his classic short speech because he was going to cry (don’t worry dad, I have the same thing).
Then my mom stepped up and DELIVERED A SPEECH IN FRENCH FOR EMMA’S FAMILY WITHOUT THE HELP OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE. That’s right. My mom knows enough French for a speech—beyond impressive. Emma’s family was all applause; they even remarked how fast my mom could speak. I did not get all the educational genes from my mother, that’s for sure.
So, how do you follow up a surprise French speech? With a song, that’s how. Emma’s mom, Susan, stepped up to the plate, and before you know it, she used the Brady Bunch tune to talk about Emma’s and my relationship. She’s tapping her foot and showing off that she is a professional singer. The Chassagnoux family are all experts at creating original songs, but most of them are about cats, so this was a fun change of pace. Everyone bought in and it was truly something original.
Emma’s dad had the dubious task of closing out the speeches, but he did a bang-up job too. Philippe doesn’t tell a ton of jokes, but his orating was filled with some one-liners that zinged. He made fun of that Emma and I are indeed young, though we act like we are 60 years old. Philippe had a fantastic weekend hosting Frenchies and seeing people he hadn’t seen in a long time. Philippe doesn’t have a big smile often, but those pearly whites showed and proved to me that he loved the weekend.
There are countless others that Emma and I want to thank for making our wedding day special, but we can’t be here all day. Just know that if you were at our wedding, you were there for a reason. It could be as simple as you are family or something like a grown man watching your old little college runts run rampant on the dance floor. It doesn’t matter if you came from near or far, but to everyone who made our wedding as memorable as it was, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Now, would it be a wedding weekend without a few fires to put out? This is already a long post so I won’t recount all the sparks, but we’ve got time for one.
The first minor heart attack came on Wednesday night while Emma and I were driving around Montgomery, dropping off the welcome bags at the hotels. Before leaving for our wedding site, Emma and I agreed that it’d be nice if we went out to a nice dinner alone before the natural chaos of everyone arriving on Thursday. We booked a reservation at a slightly upscale restaurant and agreed to dress up for the occasion. You know, to keep it cute.
The dinner reservation is 7:30 PM, and the horror begins at 6:15 PM. As we pull into the second hotel, Emma realizes we have forgotten to pack something—the garment bag. This bag not only contains our nice clothes for our date night but also my suit for the wedding, so it’s kind of a critical bag.
At this moment, decisions need to be made.
Thankfully, Emma realized this on Wednesday, which means that we have time to get my suit before the wedding. However, the evening plans of a nice dinner were in jeopardy. The only clothes in my suitcase were gym shorts, joggers, and tee shirts. Emma had pretty much the equivalent, excluding a few dresses that would be worn on wedding-related occasions. And we can’t double up; that is not allowed.
This is where the fun part begins. Four minutes away from the hotel parking lot where Emma and I were parked is a mall. And that mall contains a JCPenney. By the time I pull this up on Google Maps, it’s 6:45 PM. I looked over at Emma with a playful cocked eyebrow (not really) and said something along the lines of “You want to go on an adventure?”
The game is afoot! Emma and I drove to the mall and took part in our makeshift version of Shop Til You Drop. Here are the rules: We have 20 minutes to find appropriate clothes and pay for them.
The obstacles? I could not move fast, and there was no map of the store, a weird two-on-one date with a high school guy trying on clothes for two girls, and a couple signing up for a JCPenney credit card at just the right time.
Needless to say, Mission. Fucking. Accomplished.
Emma and I hopped back in the car around 7:10 PM. We still had to get changed and drive to the restaurant. There was also the necessary pitstop back to the AirBnB to grab my cancer drugs and some much-needed deodorant. While Emma navigates the streets, I am changing in the passenger seat. The clothes I procured at the store all “fit” per se, but I looked as if I was dumped out of the early 1990s. The pants were a bit too baggy, as was the button-down shirt. While the new belt kept things above the waist, the rolled-up sleeves didn’t entirely stay above the elbow.
However, with that being said, Emma said I looked cute.
Here is where I need to credit Emma. She managed to get to the AirBnB, enter the way-to-long passcode to get in, get changed, and gather drugs, all in less than four minutes. How did she do it? I do not know; I was not there. But impressive nonetheless. She emerged from the home looking beautiful and quickly plugged the restaurant into the GPS. We were on a mission.
Emma and I were only three to five minutes late to our dinner reservation.
We enjoyed our meal and company, all while wearing clothes we will most likely never wear again. All in all, we got our date, and the garment bag arrived the next day. Thank you, Emily, for bringing that up, and thank you, JCPenney, for still being in business.
Today is my fifth Chemotherapy session and my sixth day of marriage. I love my wife, and I hope to get back to a normal life soon. I survived and beat down any nerves on my wedding weekend. Now, it’s time to channel that same gusto and be the greatest husband I can be. Emma deserves it, and I deserve it, too.
Stanko Update #1 (May 10, 2024) – “I Have Cancer”
Stanko Update #2 (May 30, 2024) – “Perspective And Medical Yo-Yo’ing”
Stanko Update #3 (June 13, 2024) – “Thursday, June 13th Was A Dreadful, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”
Stanko Update #4 (June 27, 2024) – “The Wedding Fast Approaches…(Insert Dramatic Music)
Stanko Excel Lists | Movies, Books, Podcasts. TV Shows
Stanko Letterdbox Account
RECENTLY WATCHED
Ranking The Mission: Impossible Films: #7 – Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning (2023)
There is a lot happening in Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning. One could argue that there is too much going on.
Ranking The Mission: Impossible Films: #8 – Mission: Impossible II (2000)
Much maligned as the worst of the Mission: Impossible franchise, Mission: Impossible II doesn’t do itself any favors upon rewatch.
Four Shorty Reactions: “MaXXXine” (2024), “Monkey Man” (2024), “Raising Arizona” (1987), “Scoop” (2024)
MaXXXine (2024) “In 1980s Hollywood, adult film star and aspiring actress Maxine Minx finally gets her big break. But as a mysterious killer stalks the starlets of Hollywood, a trail of blood threatens to reveal her sinister past.” Director: Ti WestWriter: Ti WestCast: Mia Goth, Elizabeth Debicki, Halsey, Lily Collins, Kevin Bacon, Bob Cannavale, Michelle…
Stanko's Stance 
3 Comments »