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Ranking The “Alien” Franchise Movies
I am a genius. I give myself projects that I love doing. I am a super smart guy. Alien (1979) came out and I was immediately obsessed with the Xenomorph. […]
I am a genius. I give myself projects that I love doing. I am a super smart guy.
Alien (1979) came out and I was immediately obsessed with the Xenomorph. As a horror movie, Alien is one of my favorite of all-time. Then Aliens (1986) came along and set a new standard for action movies. This monster is one of the top killers ever put into cinematic space. How does the Xenomorph progress as the years go on? There are sequels, prequels and variations of quality in the eight movies involving the long-headed and two-mouthed murdering machine.
Let’s dive in and embrace the face-huggers.
No. 8
Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
I just recently wrote about Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem in my ranking of the Predator movies.
I really don’t want to expose myself to this movie any more. It is not a good movie. It has none of the paranoia and claustrophobia that made Alien as iconic as it is. AVP: Requiem is nothing like a Predator or Alien movie. it is a mish-mosh of genre and violence. The movie is dark with an extra dark hue on it. Viewers squint to try and make sense of it.
Not a good movie. It is not an Alien movie.
STANKO RATING: F
No. 7
Alien Ressurection (1997)
Wow. I didn’t think that any movie would compete with Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), but good lord Alien Resurrection is really just as bad. There are parts of it that are worse. The only saving grace is that you have Sigourney Weaver in the movie, granted she is not playing a version of Ellen Ripley that people would understand. The only reason that Alien Resurrection is slightly above Requiem is because it is slightly better made and I can see the violence that is happening. Still, a truly horrendous movie.
STANKO RATING: F+
No. 6
Alien 3 (1992)
Ehhh, I wish I had nice things to say about Alien 3. This is my first time ever rewatching this particular Ripley/Xenomorph adventure, and I can honestly say that I never need to see this particular movie ever again.
Alien 3 was a movie that was maligned by a fuck ton of issues, and most of them came from the studio 20th Century Fox. Can you imagine thinking you know better than David Fincher? Sure, this was 1992 and Fincher had not had a chance to start his illustrious career yet, but still, let the man work! Based on reports, I think Fincher having a life after Alien 3 is due in large part to Sigourney Weaver siding with Fincher and his vision.
The meanest yet truest thing I can say about Alien 3 is that it feels absolutely NOTHING like the first two alien movies. You look at Alien and Aliens, both Ridley Scott and James Cameron but their own spin on the story-telling process. There is no identifiable style for Alien 3, which is an INSANE thing to say about a Fincher movie! The movie is edited so poorly, and you can just tell there are NUMEROUS big scenes missing. And they did Newt and Hicks SO DIRTY!!
Alien 3 is not a good movie. It has nothing discernible worth pointing people towards. Sure, maybe you can say you see some early Fincher talent with the tunnel chase sequences…but then you see the CGI xenomorphs and you want to die inside. The fact this was nominated for Best Special Effects at the 1993 Academy Awards makes me very upset.
STANKO RATING: D+
No. 5
AVP: Alien Vs. Predator (2004)
While the nostalgia value in AVP: Alien Vs. Predator is high, the quality factor is not too high. The movie takes the Predator race and makes them the center point. It is not a movie about Xenomorphs.
Also if we were going to compare which alien race was hurt more by a PG-13 rating…it is CLEARY the Xenomorphs. The Yautja are action monsters and I understand how (while I don’t agree) it can be shoehorned into a PG-13 rating. However, Xenomorphs are horror monsters. You needed rated R terror and violence.
STANKO RATING: D
No. 4
ALIEN: COVENANT (2017)
I am very glad to report that Alien: Covenant was far more enjoyable after my first rewatch of the film. Ridley Scott and everyone involved with the film made the conscious decision to step away from the Engineers storyline and get more to their roots with tried-and-true plotline. A crew finds a planet. The planet has more than meets the eye. Aliens attack the crew, and the only question is who will survive.
Alien: Covenant mixes it up by adding in more artificial intelligence plot threads than in any other Alien movie. The idea of androids, robots and their capacity for humanity is touched upon in many of the Xenomorph based films, but no film addressed an AI’s concept of manifest destiny like this.
Michael Fassbender is, to be frank, fucking incredible in this movie. Playing the parts of the newer Android Walter and older isolated David, Fassbender vacillates his voice and mannerisms in a terrifying way. When the character of David enters the story as a hooded character, he plays the part of Obi-Wan Kenobi saving the protagonistic crew from a treacherous situation. The switcheroo to have David be as evil and conniving as he is keeps the audience hooked. You can never trust David and you end up looking forward to seeing what devilry he eventually will monologue eloquently about.
The artificial intelligence bit can seem a bit heavy, but let me assure you that the horror is still lurking within Alien: Covenant. The initial reveal of the monster is outstanding body horror. Truly distressing. The eventual reveal of the Xenomorh on the carrier ship driven by Tennessee is thrilling. Was the sex scene needed for its first kill? Probably not. But the shot of the alien crouched like a cat going up against Daniels is one of the best individual “Oh Shit” moments in Alien franchise history.
Alien: Covenant is not a chore to get through. There are lots of different things to look forward to in the movie, none greater than Michael Fassbender.
STANKO RATING: B
No. 3
Prometheus (2012)
Prometheus does not deserve any of the flack that it deserves. In the years since it has come out, this Ridley Scott prequel has been dissected to death, and usually not in a good way.
Why is its reputation muddled? It is because Prometheus makes you ask more questions than deliver answers.
Guess what, I love it. I love the whole aesthetic of Prometheus. The movie looks beautiful. The score is remarkable. The cast is great and the performances are all good.
Prometheus is an experience as a movie. The engineers are a great purgatory between godlike beings and beastly humanity. Michael Fassbender as David is hauntingly good and emulates a terrifying bit of A.I. gaining more consciousness than anticipated from his creation.
Can I understand that Shaw (Noomi Rapace) giving exposition that she can’t have kids then suddenly getting pregnant is a little rushed? Yes. Can I empathize with the thoughts the ending is a tad bit rushed for the pacing plot over the first 90 minutes? Sure.
Prometheus is written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelhof, both of whom specialize in setting moods and unique settings. Spaihts has a skill for writing science fiction and horror with Prometheus and more recently Dune (2021). Lindelhof doesn’t particularly enjoy writing positive things…and so his mood is prevalent to Scott’s storytelling style.
Prometheus sends you down a rabbit hole in the best way. Take the plunge into the unknown and let it infest you.
STANKO RATING: B+
No. 2
Aliens (1986)
Aliens is an action classic. An all-time movie. James Cameron takes Alien, makes it a different genre, and makes a movie that is equal to its iconic inspiration. Aliens raises the stakes with more aliens, and elevates the character of Ripley into the stratosphere of action super star. Sigourney Weaver survived a horror movie in Alien and she never once held a gun. In Aliens she is wielding a grenade launching machine gun in addition to flashing her handiwork with a flamethrower. It is perfect.
One of the reasons Aliens has aged so well is all of the practical effects. The aliens look fantastic, the extending mouths are sloppier and the guns look as heavy as the soldiers make them feel. The griminess of the terraforming colony matches the gothic architecture of Alien, but Cameron expands the scope but manages to keep the claustrophobia. The use of the radar and the beeping is a great anxiety booster. The sequence in the movie where Ripley, Hudson, Vasquez, and Hick are all bracing themselves for Xenomorph battle only to find them crawling through the vents is picture perfect. The decision by Cameron to pause for a split second and have Hicks turn his head when peeking up in the vent as the perfect accent of far too expensive ocean sea salt season.
Aliens belongs in the conversation of best sequels ever created. Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strike Backs, The Godfather: Part II, and Aliens. The tripod of retreads done right.
STANKO RATING: A+
*the reason Aliens is at two and Alien is at one is because Alien is the original and changed me. Aliens is basically 1B while Alien is 1A.
No. 1
Alien (1979)
Alien is one of my favorite movies of all time. I remember that I learned about this movie from the classic game Scene-It when it asked what movie has the tagline, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream.” One of the best taglines in movie history had me hooked, and then I saw the strobe light heavy trailer for the movie on YouTube. If anyone was with me at that moment, they would have realized I changed that day.
Alien is so fucking claustrophobic. The Nostromo is a gothic metal maze and the Xenomorph is equivalent to the minotaur of Greek myth legend hunting down anyone fleeing among the dead ends. Scott creates an environment that makes you clench your own fists with nerves, and if the aura of the space gliding death trap isn’t enough for you then you can dine on some of the best practical effects ever put to screen.
Upon rewatching this movie, the characters stood out to me more than ever. Sigourney Weaver is fantastic as Ripley, but I found myself staring at Parker (Yaphet Kotto) whenever he was on screen. Parker is aligning with Brett (Harry Dean Stanton) in the beginning of Alien for some comedic money talk and engineering delaying skills. His talkative nature slowly becomes mute and matter-of-fact as the reality of the situation sinks in. His facial reactions and exacerbated sighs stick with you like glue.
Also Ian Holm as Ash. What an evil son of a bitch. Can you imagine watching this movie for the first time and realizing that Ash bleeds milk and is a robot?? That must have been an ultimate mind fuck, maybe enough so to make you forget that a Xenomorph is out there. If you rewatch Alien, pay attention to Ash and his interactions with Dallas (Tom Skerritt) and others. His responses are calculated, and there are smirks that crinkle around the corner of his face.
I just love Alien. I really do. It holds a special place in my heart. This will be a movie I show my eventual children far too early.
STANKO RATING: A
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