Stanko's Stance

Here are my completely pointless preseason Bachelor Contestant power rankings. These are based STRICTLY off of the bios on ABC.com and some slight stalking of their Instagrams.

32. Victoria
– I am going to hate this “queen” and I bet she mentions her dog more than three times.

31. Emani
-When asked if you could be anyone else for a day…don’t answer with yourself. That’s a wee bit narcocistic.

30. Caroyln
-Didn’t know she was a former Boston inhabitant but still don’t love her vibe. She has been engaged twice.

29. Amber
-NOPE. From Women’s Health Magazine: Amber also prefers to meow instead of say “excuse me” when she wants Matt’s attention.

28. Marylynn
-Too much of an Instagram model look for me.

27. Corrinne
-Her job entails responding to all Yelp reviews…

26. Sarah
-This is what my girlfriend said: “Anybody else seeing Alexis from Schitt’s Creek’s?”

25. Kimberly
-An older contestant and I am very curious what a talent acquisition partner at Alaska Airlines does.

24. Kit
-Absolutely beautiful BUT SHE IS ONLY 21 YEARS OLD!!!???

23. Sydney
-Supposedly she is very very blunt. I think she either goes home week one or is here to stay as a pot stirrer.

22. Kaili
-“I’m incredibly social and love to interact with people,” she says; Kaili and I would not be friends.

21. Khaylah
-I think she is a makeup master based off her instagram and photos. She is from Durham, NC…same hometown as Matt!

20. Serena C.
-Flight attendant. I always want to know what airline is best to be a flight attendant on.

19. Mari
-I have no strong feelings towards Mari. She is pretty, but meh?

18. Lauren
-A lawyer and I have a hunch that she is going to last a long time in the show.

17. Magi
-Her photo on ABC does not do her any justice. I think her Ethiopian heritage is going to be a big thing.

16. Kristin
-Chris says she’s as “sharp as a thorn on a rose.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

15. Illeana
-She is an entrepreneur but haven’t seen anything she has done as its supposed to come in 2021.

14. Bri
-She seems super down to earth based off her bio and Instagram.

13. Pieper
-Just really pretty. Straight up gorgeous.

12. Jessenia
-I love her job and think that we would be actual friends. She is a pageant girl, one of two this season.

11. MJ
-I love the name and want to be her friend but she’d be appalled that I just don’t do my hair.

10. Saneh
-Chris Harrison says her limo entrance is one of the best ever…I wonder what it is.

9. Anna
-Crazy eyes…but I like crazy. She does look a lot like Hannah B. Seems like a bucket full of sunshine but will burn you.

8. Casandra
-Chris Harrison says she has a “bold outfit choice on night one.” What does that mean? Conservative or nah?

7. Alicia
-What a badass job being a professional ballerina. That has to be one of the most unique ones ever.

6. Alana
-I love photographers because they have a way of always seeing the little things in life.

5. Abigail
-I think that Abigail may be the safest “bring home to the family” contestant.

4. Katie
-She is stunning. Straight up beautiful. Don’t care if she is a Tik Tok creator. She gives me heart eyes.

3. Chelsea
-According to some sleuthing, she may not last as long as I’d like, but I think Chelsea looks so freaking cool.

2. Serena P.
-She seems super duper normal. She is like the quintessential attainable hot that every guy dreams for.

1. Rachael
-I think I have a crush on Rachael based off her bio. Staying in watching movies while working on graphic design. YUP.

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