QUICK THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE

  • The crew is in Australia, but a new location does not guarantee new results. After a perfectly fine premiere, this second episode of The Bachelorette was a bit of a bear to get through. The fights with the men are all cringe, and the fact that Jenn lets every one of them play out right in front of her is rather ridiculous. Not sure if Jenn is being guided to let the men shoot themselves in the foot, but these moments of testosterone spillage poisoned the episode and made it a tough watch.

(MY) POWER RANKINGS

No. 15
John

(Last Week 12)
(Average Rank 13.5)

I forgot John existed. Is he still on the show? According to recap articles, he is still alive. John is a ghost.

No. 14
Aaron

(Last Week 10)
(Average Week 12)

Oh Aaron, you fucking piece of shit. You lost every argument with Devin. And I am not saying Devin is unassailable, but he merely survived with Aaron drowning himself in his ego and self-righteousness.

Aaron pulled a Bennett. He pulled what Bennett did to Noah (HIS BROTHER, REMEMBER). A fucking self-help book. Aaron is the worst type of person who thinks that his way of thinking is the best way and the only acceptable way.

Aaron is an expert at getting on TV, but every time his face lights up the screen, I want to throw a tomato at it.

No. 13
Thomas N.

(Last Week 4)
(Average Rank 13.5)

Hand up, I was wrong about Thomas N. I thought he was a normal dude, but fuck no he is not. This man flipped a switch and became the main character…and everyone is asking why. Nobody wanted it. Nobody needed it.

Thomas’ crusade against Devin is batted down by Jenn who has a solid comeback about her independence about who to speak to first. I am shocked that Thomas made it another week. It’s major producer infringement.

No. 12
Jeremy

(Last Week 15)
(Average Rank 13.5)

Jeremy’s air of superiority was not nearly as prominent in week two as in week one. The silly car fight in the premiere seems like nothing compared to what Thomas N. and Aaron had with Devin. Still don’t see a ton of potential.

No. 11
Sam N.

(Last Week 14)
(Average Rank 12.5)

Sam N.’s not eating dairy really took centerstage for a few moments. He saw his dietary restrictions as a massive handicap on the group date. The honest answer, Sam N., is that it wasn’t the food choices that hindered your charm.

No. 10
Austin

(Last Week 18)
(Average Rank 14)

We actually got to hear Austin speak this week, and Emma reminded me that Austin is actually cute compared to almost every other guy on this show. We didn’t get a mullet reference, but we were reminded of his existence.

No. 9
Spencer

(Last Week 13)
(Average Rank 11)

Have to start by looking ahead. I can’t believe he gets a one-on-one next week. He does get a kiss this week, but compared to Sam. M, Grant and Jonathon…Spencer just doesn’t have “it”.

Spencer has stayed above the fray in terms of the drama, and maybe that’s why Jenn is attracted to him.

No. 8
Dylan

(Last Week 11)
(Average Rank 9.5)

Dylan has taken the MCAT, and is still waiting for the results. So we are still waiting to see if he is actually a medical student. I digress.

Dylan’s big thing in this episode was his handling of the snake. Personally, I don’t love the idea of having a snake wrap itself around my neck, so props to Dylan for having the balls. This leads to extra time with Jenn, where Dylan opens up, and Jenn loves it, while the audience mostly snores.

No. 7
Devin

(Last Week 7)
(Average Rank 7)

Devin is great for TV, but he is really fucking annoying. Objectively, I don’t think Devin did anything egregiously wrong, but when he brought the ice cream to interrupt Aaron, he was stuck getting a stick in the axle. He lost all of his goodwill.

By the episode’s end, Devin is tag-teamed by Aaron and Thomas N. In neither case, Devin somehow comes away unlikable as his prosecutors lose their screaming matches. He is true to himself, and that’s commendable, but if this is his true self, then I understand him being a tough hang.

No. 6
Tomas A.

(Last Week 6)
(Average Rank 6)

Tomas A. was invisible in this episode. The drama between Devin, Thomas, and Aaron kept his strong facial hair quiet.

No. 5
Hakeem

(Last Week 8)
(Average Week 6.5)

Hakeem got royally fucked with the spider, but his reaction was perfect for TV. The producers knew exactly what they were doing. I would argue that he deserved the extra time over Dylan because Hakeem was his true self while overcoming fear. And we never got to see the pictures of his fear??

No. 4
Sam M.

(Last Week 1)
(Average Rank 2.5)

Alright, perhaps I am seeing a bit of the fuck boi tendencies that many say in week one. Sam M. wasn’t all too villainous in week two, but the preview for next week makes it seem like Sam M. is going to war…for some reason.

Jenn really likes kissing Sam M. Their kissing sessions are always hot and heavy.

No. 3
Grant

(Last Week 5)
(Average Rank 4)

I admit that I didn’t love how Grant approached his group date couch time with Jenn. That said, I am not on the show and Grant seems to know what he is doing. Jenn liked it, and Grant gets the fucking rose!!! There was a lot of talk about the future and family, which was very absent from most of this episode.

No. 2
Jonathon

(Last Week 9)
(Average Week 5.5)

Jonathon is the major mover this week. He has the best style of all the contestants, and it is not even close. Jenn is seeing how hot he is. Jonathon is the only two contestants this week who had an undisputable good week.

No. 1
Marcus

(Last Week 2)
(Average Rank 1.5)

Marcus absolutely nailed his one-on-one date. It was a home run. Nothing bad to say. He was set up for success with it being sky diving. His experience can show naturally, and it allows him to easily segway into his personal story during the dinner. Marcus just nailed it. Picture perfect.

We said goodbye to Brian, Marvin, and Jahaan this week. I didn’t like Brian, so good riddance to him. Marvin didn’t give us much (at least with what the episode showed), and Jahaan was a mute who stood no shot in the rose ceremony. I was high on Jahaan, having at number three in the power rankings in week one, so safe to say my gut was wrong on that one.

The Bachelorette airs on Monday nights on ABC, beginning at 8 PM EST.

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