QUICK THOUGHTS ON MONDAY’S EPISODE

Opening Montage
  • We are all just dying for this two-on-one date. I want Maria to come out with sweat bands, arm sleeves and knee pads. Need her to be ready for war to take down Sydney in whatever brutal way will be allowed to be shown by ABC.
  • The ladies are going international. The Bachelor is heading to Malta, Italy.
    • The ladies on this show have to feel like they made the cut if they made it to the travel portion of the show. It is like a golf round and making it to the weekend.
  • Will the drama be left behind in the states?
    • Absolutely not.
Lexi One-On-One Date
  • Lexi gets the one-on-one date in Malta. Kinda a big deal getting to explore this city with joey.
  • The two are just gallivanting around the city. Eating foot, dancing in a square and visiting historic sites are the main activities.
    • I have to say that Joey just seems too easy to talk to. He doesn’t look like he is trying hard, but you know you have his full attention.
  • Lexi and Joey go into a church and it reminds Lexi of her grandfather who passed away. We get an emotional moment with Joey listening intently.
    • The priest of the church comes by and says hello, and when I say that he looks like a classic cartoon character priest, I mean it. A short pudgy man with a big smile. Hard to hate him.
  • I don’t remember if it was during this one-on-one date or during the group date, but Joey has one OUTSTANDING punny joke that he knows is bad but they leave it in and it’s great. I have to type that out now before I forget about it.
  • Hand up, I had to look up how to spell it. Lexi has been diagnosed with ​​endometriosis (or was diagnosed?). She goes into detail and comes out with the point that she may not be able to have kids.
    • Lexi is 30 years old. We have not heard her complain about age once. Meanwhile Madina had some gripes. Lexi is handling all this with grace. Thank you, Lexi.
  • Joey does his thing and makes it known he wants to push through this together. If they end up together, there is more than one way to have a family. Joey listens with the best of them.
Group Date
  • The date card gets picked up and read by Jenn. She lists off the names of those going, which doesn’t include Sydney and Maria. That means we are getting a tasty two-on-one, but we will get to that.
  • The group of gals (which is a large one) meet at some fort that looks truly outstanding. I would love to go there and sight see.
    • This fort is where they filmed the battle between the Viper and The Mountain. Has to be. So much open space.
      • I could look it up and make sure, but I like living in the pretend.
    • The ladies are going to be competing in some knightly activities all while dressed in some classic Wal-mart knightly costumes.
      • Joey is the only one not wearing any armor. He makes fun of himself and it. He looks good with his shirt off, and Daisy gets to comment how hot and bothered she is about it.
    • There is a remarkably awkward bit where the hosts of this battle ask the ladies and Joey to soul gaze with one another. This leads to a few very public make out sessions and others having to watch others in jealousy.
    • The last challenge involves a sausage wheel. Yes, this is very real.
      • Joey, to his credit, is not going to let the women try and catch sausages in their mouths alone. 
      • The funniest bit of this whole entire ordeal is that half of the women cheat. They admit directly to the camera while Autumn is trying her hardest.
        • Autumn does end up winning extra time with Joey being the most honorable of the bunch. There extra time seems to consist of walking 100 feet to a different area of the fort and staring out into a pretty open space.
          • It is very pretty, but a bit anticlimactic for Autumn.
  • The cocktail portion of this group date goes relatively smoothly. There are no major arguments or fights. The conversations seem kind and courteous.
    • It’s almost as if not having Sydney or Maria there fighting is good for morale!
  • Kelsey T. gets the group date rose. I was rather surprised. Not necessarily upset, but definitely surprised.
Two-On-One Date
  • Mhhhmmm, here we are. It’s time for the two-on-one date. We need one every season, and this time around, it’s juicy.
  • Sydney and Maria are dressed for two different dates.
    • Maria is donning a swimsuit with a chic yellow covering. Frankly, she looks great.
    • Sydney is wearing a cowgirl sort of outfit, looking ready for swing dancing.
    • I will comment here that the fact that women had to dress up in fancy getups for Joey to seemingly make a decision and that’s all is nuts.
  • Maria is entering this date with a mindset of positivity. She is just going to focus on Joey. Sydney on the other hand has the sole purpose of destroying Maria. She seems not focused on Sydney at all.
    • There are points where Sydney talks about how the stress is affecting her physically. This may be true, but to think she is the only one going through stress in this whole endeavor is loco. 
  • Joey admits to the fact that this whole situation is awkward. The ladies, who rode out in front of a yacht in a very staged dramatization, join Joey on a smaller boat. They venture into a gorgeous bay of sorts before sitting down on a park bench to continue this titanic awkward battle.
    • Sydney gets to talk first with Joey. She says that she was attacked and that most profoundly, she was told by Maria to “Shut The Fuck Up”.
      • Hearing this many STFUs in succession was very funny. I chuckled.
      • Joey kinda got more offended at this than I would have thought.
      • I don’t recall us ever hearing that on the show? There were no flashback moments to it either.
      • Maria seems ENTIRELY confident that she did not say that. She notes to Sydney that there are cameras everywhere, so why would you lie about it.
    • Maria talks with Joey and denies all of Sydney’s claims. She does say, and rightfully so, that she wanted to leave all the drama behind but Sydney has been bringing it back up.
      • I must note here that all of these arguments stemming from comments about Madina’s age are ludicrous. So much dragged out of such trifflig troubles.
    • So dinner time rolls around and absolutely nothing has been solved. Joey understands this and has made the decision that he is going to give this rose out based solely on who he has a better connection with.
      • Well, then this is no contest. We never even saw Joey have an ounce of chemistry with Sydney. 
      • Joey asks one question to both Sydney and Joey. Do they see a future for each other? Is their connection strong enough?
        • Sydney gives a rather elementary answer, but Maria gives an honest answer.
          • Maria admits that she doesn’t like how Joey has taken this long to decide between the two and her character has been under the spotlight too long.
          • This honest answer is parallel with an honest answer that Joey gave earlier in the two-on-one when Maria asked if he could move past all this drama. To which Joey answered honestly, “I don’t know.”
  • Maria ends up the victor of this two-on-one date. Sydney foes home angry, and good riddance. I don’t care, get this asshole off my television set.
Cocktail Party Drama & Rose Ceremony
  • Hey, Lea, you are a bitch. Yes, a bitch. Just because your friend got voted out doesn’t give you the right to go around spewing dribble.
    • YOU ARE 23 YEARS OLD TRYING TO TEL MADINA HOW TO BE MATURE? ARE YOU FOR REAL??
      • Listen, I am not the biggest Madina fan, but when push comes to shove, she has handled the most dramatic moments well. She has not dropped names and she has remained cordial with everyone.
    • The way Monday’s episode ended left it up in the air if Maria is going to stay.
      • If Maria leaves, I will riot and jump through the screen to strangle someone. I mean.
  • Joey, I pray that when I tune into Tuesday’s episode you put Lea’s comments behind you.

QUICK THOUGHTS ON TUESDAY’S EPISODE

Rose Ceremony
  • Thankfully Maria shows up to the rose ceremony. We get a rehashing of Lea’s complaining about Maria, and naturally Lea is going to get the last rose to keep the drama alive.
    • We do have to give props to Marina for going to console Maria before the rose ceremony to get her wits about her.
      • Hey Lea, just be nice. See? That’s all you need to do. Just be a nice person.
  • Allison and Edwina are sent home packing.
    • Allison grew on me from the start of the season and I like Edwina. Nothing against her at all. Neither elimination is very surprising.
Kelsey A. One-On-One Date
  • The crew arrives in Andalusia, Spain, which is a place that Joey seemingly loves.
    • Rachel loves it too, but we will get to that later.
  • Joey comes over and begins talking, but before too long he asks Kelsey A. if she’d like to go on a date with him in the city. She of course says yes and takes a seat behind him on the Vespa (which everyone seemed really fixated on for some reason?
  • After the duo departs, the ladies are chatting with some sangria discussing what it’s like to be in Spain among other things.
    • Maria actually asks a good hypothetical about the card that Lea during the first episode which would steal a one-on-one date and if anyone would take it.
      • Kelsey T., to her credit, actually said that she would. Others deny it, but the strategy of the card would have been intriguing if a little unfair.
  • The daytime portion of Kelsey A.’s and Joey’s date seems pretty mundane, but not in a bad way. The two parade around town going shopping, drinking wine, playing soccer and just enjoying each other’s company.
    • Kelsey has the good line that she is tripping for Joey, not exactly falling for him yet.
    • The backdrop where they have their last daytime conversation is very pretty.  Liked it a lot.
    • Joey seems to enjoy these quieter dates. He loved it with Daisy too, and Lexi. There are more than a few dates of just walking around, meeting people and being as normal as possible on this show.
    • Emma was very jealous of this date because she really wants to eat fancy charcuterie things and drink win. Probably with Joey too if we are being honest.
  • We get to the dinner portion and now it is time for Kelsey A. to open up to Joey.
    • The conversation we see quickly delves towards Kelsey A.’s mother, who is a TWO-TIME SOLDIER OF THE YEAR??
      • What the hell is Soldier of the Year?? Sounds very impressive.
    • The story turns sad as Kelsey A. explains that her mom died 10 years ago due to fast progressing breast cancer. She is very emotional about it, and the heart strings are pulled when she talks about a conversation she had with her dad as to whether or not her mom would be proud.
      • Joey again with the perfect response about her being brave and surely her mom would be proud of her.
  • Kelsey A. gets the rose (absolutely no surprise) and by the end of the date she tells the camera that she is beginning to fall for Joey.
Group Date
  • This group date has Lexi, Daisy, Jenn, Autumn, Maria, Katelyn, Madina, Lea, Jess and Kelsey T.
    • That means that Rachel is getting the last one-on-one this week, which I think we could have inferred right from the first preview of the season with the red dress. But again, we will get there.
  • The group date is an artistic one with the ladies being asked to write down one quote to describe their journey with Joey, and follow it up with a painting to artistically show their journey with Joey.
    • I think I would like this date.
    • Emma said that she would hate it.
    • I do love how Joey himself is doing these group dates with the girls. I feel like this always hasn’t been the case before.
  • Lea is still being a stupid idiot and only complaining about Maria and the fact that she is on this date. Lea has taken on the responsibility of being the villain now.
    • A close runner-up in malevolence is Jess. She is falling apart from the seams. The stitching is coming loose and the fillings are endless tears with a dose of heavy self-doubt and anxiety.
  • This date is very funny. The results of the paintings are pretty solid.
    • Joey commenting how Kelsey T.’s painting looked like an elephant was laugh out loud funny.
    • Credit to Lea because her painting was actually pretty solid.
    • Joey’s painting of himself was pretty solid.
    • Maria is just out there having fun like its a paint and sip, but Lea is treating this whole artistic endeavor as if she is trying to get into the Louvre.
  • How in the hell is Jess going to win this portion of the date? She gets the extra time with Joey, but her painting and explanation were so literal. Perhaps this is my bias against her at this moment, but I was legit shocked.
  • We had the cocktail party portion of the group date.
    • The biggest takeaway from this is that Maria gets the group date rose because she opens up about her past.
      • It turns out that her mom was crushed by a cement truck when Maria was a child and nearly died???
        • A FUCKING CEMENT TRUCK??
      • Maria explains that this event explains her approach on life because she knows it can all flip at any moment so why not have fun in the present?
Rachel’s One-On-One Date
  • What an absolutely delightful date. It’s a dealer’s choice to say which of the one-on-one dates this week is the best. The last one here is just good stuff from Rachel and Joey!
  • I am not sure if it was Joey or the producers who set up this date with Rachel, but damn it was a perfect match.
    • I could see Rachel moving to Spain permanently with the way she fit into the culture.
  • The major portion of the daytime date is a dancing lesson with a professional (or very avid?) Flamingo dancer.
    • Joey’s comment about his boots with the shorts here is all-time. He admits to being self-conscious about it, but then he credits Rachel with lifting him up with her positive vibes and excitement for the activity. 
    • It can’t just be a lesson for the couple, for they must perform in front of a large group to show off their skills.
      • Rachel looks STUNNING in the red dress that they have for her, and Joey’s facial reaction says it all.
      • Not entirely sure if the performance is good, but what does look good is the lemonade mason jar drink that many in the audience were drinking.
  • The dinner portion of this date doesn’t have anything wrong with it, but it also is a little lackluster.
    • Rachel is very attached to her job. There are a lot of medical field people on this season and Rachel speaks on it here.
      • There are two ways to think of this with the life context I have.
        • The first is that a medical job is very time consuming and stressful so when Rachel says she needs someone to understand her, she really is saying that she needs someone to be patient with her when she can not be physically or emotionally present due to the job.
        • The second reading is that Rachel really likes to talk about her job and that is her number one personal identifier for herself. This is a bit more alarming because if your job is the only thing you can talk about passionately then you become really one dimensional.
Cocktail Party & Rose Ceremony
  • The cocktail party brought back the drama, and, again, it’s Maria who is the focal point.
    • This one is a little bit tricky. So let’s break it down.
      • Jess is stressing out about not getting enough time with Joey. We have been seeing her collapse underneath the pressure for a while now, and this seems to be the breaking point.
      • Now Maria, who already has a rose from the group date and talking about her MOM GETTING CRUSHED BY A CEMENT TRUCK, goes and asks for time with Joey during the cocktail party.
        • Such an ask INFURIATES Jess, citing Maria as selfish and uncaring for stealing time when she already has a rose.
          • Now, Jessica, and yes I am going to be referring to you by your full name this point on.
          • Jessica, if we roll back the tapes to week one, did you not steal time with Joey for a second time when you already had time on night one?
          • Jessica, did you not, during this same evening, boast to the group about kissing Joey and in the process make everyone uncomfortable?
          • Jessica, would you not say that with over 30 women on night one and less than half of that in Spain, that night one’s time grab is mathematically more evil than what Maria did?
          • One last thing, Jessica. What prevented you from going to ask for time with Joey before Maria?
      • Okay, so Jessica is being an idiot. That does not excuse Maria from being a tad bit of a fool herself.
        • Maria, when you know you have the upper hand, perhaps the proper tactic would have been to take the upper hand, stay quiet, and let her vent.
          • HOWEVER, I do think what Maria did was FAIR because if someone comes at you with an attitude, then you are allowed to retort back with it.
            • Jess should have known that this is who Maria is based on this entire season thus far, but perhaps emotion just got the better of her rational judgment.
      • So Jess is an idiot who is clearly on tilt knowing that her time of the show is eventually going to come to a close. She takes a shot, and Maria has a fair response that can’t be labeled as wrong, but it can be criticized.
  • We say goodbye to Autumn and Madina. I am upset about Autumn because she has a positive vibe and I find her pretty. Madina never really had a shot, but I do think she should be given another shot in Bachelor Nation because she did get sucked up by the drama.

(MY) POWER RANKINGS

No. 10
Lea

(Last Week 14)

Lea, you are a jealous women who doesn’t know how to process the fact that your connection has never been a thing with Joey and you have been carried on the show by bits; i.e. being part of The Final Rose and having the letter.

No. 9
Jess

(Last Week 13)

Jess, you can’t dish out bad vibes if you aren’t willing to have it dished back to you. Lea is more malicious than you. Jessica, you are simply to immature to handle disappointment on national television (which many of us are).

No. 8
Katelyn

(Last Week 6)

I was rather shocked that Katelyn got to stay another week, but I am not upset about it. She is the most normal of the ladies remaining; just a bit of an eccentric women who is confident in herself. I would like to be friends with Katelyn.

No. 7
Jenn

(Last Week 5)

After the one-on-one last week, Jenn slips into the background. Not a ton from her this week.

No. 6
Kelsey T.

(Last Week 10)

This was a good week for Kelsey T. She got to show a bit of herself and she looked great in the red halter top (I learned what clothing this is during this week). I think Kelsey got herself two more weeks.

No. 5
Lexi

(Last Week 7)

Lexi nailed her one-on-one date and continued to stay out of the fray. She has never been a part of the drama either. I don’t even recall her ever commenting on it.

No. 4
Maria

(Last Week 4)

Maria, oh Maria. Random thought, but there are a lot of songs about Maria. Someone should create a parody song with the events of this season.

Carrying on, Maria won the one-on-one date, she got the group date rose, and still finds herself in the middle of a fire at the end of the season.

I mean this in the best way, but Maria seems like the perfect hang at a bar dishing out barbs and sass with friends in a booth wearing jeans and a hoodie, but in the romantic setting of this show, her confidence in expressing herself doesn’t fit within the romantic coloring lines.

No. 3
Kelsey A.

(Last Week 2)

I have to agree with my co-worker Jordyn that Kelsey A. has stealthy Bachelorette vibes if she does not win this season.

No. 2
Daisy

(Last Week 1)

Hey, Vinny, just because she is no longer number one in my power rankings doesn’t mean I don’t love Daisy! I just need to respect the fact that she has now taken a backseat in two straight episodes, but she is going to be getting some more time with Joey next week based off the previews.

No. 1
Rachel

(Last Week 3)

Joey could not have picked a better person for the dancing one-on-one date. Rachel is an absolute delight. Her smile makes Joey smile. She is embracing this thing and god-damn she is making a strong case to be in the final three. I don’t think she is the real front-runner, but the way the show is being edited, she has be a lock for the final two episodes in some way.

The Bachelor airs on Monday nights on ABC, beginning at 8 PM EST.

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