QUICK THOUGHTS ON EPISODE

  • I wasn’t able to finish the premiere episode till this past weekend, so a full recap is not going to take place. Everyone has seen the episode by now. These are simply my thoughts on the ladies themselves, and who stuck out as the cream of the crop, and who stuck out like bad thorny prickers.

(MY) POWER RANKINGS

No. 23
Jess

(Last Week N/A)

Jess, you put yourself in this position. You made yourself the villain on week one even though you said you didn’t want to “be that girl.”

Jess got a kiss, then told everyone she got a kiss, which is a terrible fucking idea. She never shut up, she interrupted Taylor to get more time, and then tired to play the victim.

Just a very bad time.

No. 22
Marlena

(Last Week N/A)

I do not remember anything about Marlena from the first episode. With that being said, I’m still curious how one writes about finance.

No. 21
Starr

(Last Week N/A)

Starr having two Rs in his name is tough, and she was not the Star of week one. She was invisible. She is here because I find her pretty.

No. 20
Madina

(Last Week N/A)

Madina still scares the hell out of me.

No. 19
Rachel

(Last Week N/A)

Rachel seemed remarkably nice. If I recall she is a big proponent of family. She also has some relatability because of her Hawaii background.

No. 18
Sydney

(Last Week N/A)

We really got nothing from Sydney at all. I suppose bonus points for living in the same city as the International Tennis Hall Of Fame?

No. 17
Evalin

(Last Week N/A)

While the most we got of Evalin was that she was freaking out about not being able to talk to Joey, which isn’t the best look…we at least know who Evalin is because of it.

No. 16
Erika

(Last Week N/A)

Erika was big into the dancing, and that just isn’t for me. Sorry, this is nothing against Erika the person, but we just don’t match vibes wise.

No. 15
Katelyn

(Last Week N/A)

Katelyn’s dress was gorgeous! Stunning really. She blended her culture with modern day sensibility. Being a radiochemist, Emma liked her entrance too. She didn’t do much in the episode, so I can’t put her up too high.

No. 14
Kelsey T.

(Last Week N/A)

Kelsey T. Had the great line about how some of the ladies were going to jump into the fire for the letter. That made me chuckle.

No. 13
Edwina

(Last Week N/A)

I’d like to thank Edwina for the fantastic GIF of her breaking the fourth wall looking at the camera with disgust on her face as a women she barely knows is crying on her shoulder.

No. 12
Lexi

(Last Week N/A)

Lexi is very beautiful. She was the first out of the limo so she made an immediate impression. She also had the golf conversation and a kiss. Not a ton to work off of, but she sticks on the brain.

No. 11
Autumn

(Last Week N/A)

Autumn is very cute. I love a 500 Days of Summer name, however her entrance question didn’t really work. But she did see some extra face time. More than I expected.

No. 10
Allison

(Last Week N/A)

The younger of the sisters and C-Rate movie/tv star version of Cristin Milioti was a main plot of this episode, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I need to like her. Both of the sisters aren’t going to be here for a long time, but we have to pay respect when they are going to be a great D-Plot till they are relieved.

No. 9
Lauren

(Last Week N/A)

Lauren is ahead of her sister solely because of the rose ceremony where she called out Joey for making her last while Allison was first. She is really a Northeast Girl by heart…and she wears it on her sleeve. Also the shot gunning beer entrance is something I can get behind.

No. 8
Taylor

(Last Week N/A)

Taylor is necessary for the show and for episode one. She was to first to pull a fellow lady away and ask to talk. She had her time interrupted by Jess and she went full scorn.

I didn’t hate Taylor’s entrance either with the huge bra. The massive support bit was funny and Joey seemed legit surprised by it. Taylor may get annoying after a while, but for week one she served her place in the pecking our nicely.

No. 7
Jenn

(Last Week N/A)

Call me a shallow man, but Jenn is up this high because she is very pretty. Her go-kart entrance wasn’t the best, but the two seemed to have fun racing themselves in the driveway of the mansion.

I know objectively this ranking is wrong, but these are subjective things.

No. 6
Lea

(Last Week N/A)

23 years old is too young to be on the show, and I have my tin foil cap on. I think the producers gave the note about stealing a one-on-one to the youngest in the room because she would be the most emotional about it.

I don’t mean this is a crazy negative way, but the younger you are, the more you care about what others think of you. The target on her back would have worn her down, so throwing it into the fire was very smart.

We also can’t ignore the fact that she did get the first impression rose.

No. 5
Chrissa

(Last Week N/A)

Chrissa is cute as all hell and I firmly believe that she could beat Joey is almost any athletic activity. She is not your normal size zero contestant, but she is still very beautiful.

No. 4
Kelsey A.

(Last Week N/A)

Kelsey A. looks like she is in high school, but her youthful face is just a small part of what makes her exciting for TV. Kelsey A. Has a unique energy about her, as was emblematic with the voodoo doll.

Something about Kelsey A. clicks for me.

No. 3
Daisy

(Last Week N/A)

Let’s nip it in the bud now. Daisy is probably winning the whole thing, or she is going to be the next Bachelor. One of the two.

She has the heartwarming story about getting the ability to hear again, and her chemistry with Joey was really off the charts. Joey seemed entranced by her, and it is easy to see why.

No. 2
Maria

(Last Week N/A)

Maria isn’t going to near the top of these rankings for long, so let’s give her the shine she deserves. She absolutely nailed week one. She is weird as all hell, but she knows she is which is huge.

She scored a ton of brownie points with me being a horror movie fan, then lost some points when she brought up horoscopes, but then won them back by keeping Joey on his toes.

I really like Maria and I hope she stays around longer than I expect.

No. 1
Joey

(Last Week N/A)

Listen, Joey won the week. Let’s be real. He is a handsome devil and he has reinvigorated a lot of people watching the show.

All of the ladies seemed to love him, as the should. Joey made everyone seem special, loved having conversations, and his toasts were great. Joey nailed this episode. He is number one.

As to whether or not Joey will be the rankings every week is up for debate, but he is impossible to ignore heading into week two.

This week we say goodbye to Chandler, Kayla, Kyra, Lanie, Nat, Sam, Samantha, Sandra, Talyah, and Zoe. It is a little bit shocking to see 10 girls go home week one, but I love it. Joey cleaning out the herd.

The Bachelor airs on Monday nights on ABC, beginning at 8 PM EST.

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