On week from today the newest season of “The Bachelor” kicks off. Let’s get to meet the cast who will be vying for Joey’s heart.

JOEY GRAZIADEI

  • The man of the hour. Joey is one of the most looked forward to Bachelor’s…ever? He has 100% approval rating. Nobody dislikes him. He didn’t do anything wrong on Charity’s season and now we get to see him try and swim in this love infested waters.
  • How many tennis puns are we going to have? I think the limit may not exist.
  • Joey is Pennsylvania boy who spend time in Hawaii and will now be spending most of his time at The Mansion (or the area around it).
  • Putting it plainly, I think that Bachelor Nation is very excited for this season, and I can not blame them. I am very excited too!

Allison

26 Years Old
Realtor & Lauren’s Sister
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
  • If your occupation is a family relative who is also on the show, then you are going to burn bright and for a short amount of time. It is going to be brutally awkward and it’s going to be hard for me to watch.
  • The sister’s have dated the same guys before, but at different times. That is just strange and odd and what guy in their right mind would want to do that.
  • She has won costume contests before? How old was she?? Also will there be a dress-up contest or something?
  • If we are going to be honest and be members of the trust tree, I am going to say that the other sister is a prettier sister.

Autumn

26 Years Old
Account Executive
St. Louis, Missouri
  • A 500 Days Of Summer reference! How about ‘dem apples!? That movie came out 14 years ago now…which is pretty fucking nuts.
  • She likes going to college football games? What games does she go to in the Midwest? There are a lot of teams within a driving area so would be curious to see. She does have the stereotypical blonde hair SEC girl, so perhaps that’s it? Just a Tigers fan?
  • Autumn got a lip tattoo?? What does it say? That would be an automatic turnoff for me. What what it will be for Joey?
  • You know what Autumn, the thing about TSA is that you just need TSA Pre-Check. Do you have TSA Pre-Check?

Chandler

24 Years Old
Graphic Designer
New YOrk, New YOrk
  • A Bit of a surprise that she is the only New York based contestant on the show.
  • I have heard of “Situationships” but this is the first time I have seen it typed out. Makes sense. A team-up for winter cuddling season.
  • She is a runner which is nice, I tend to like those people. They are comfortable by themselves for long stretches of time.
  • Baking deserts together is legit awesome idea for a date. Forced to work together and try something new. This is a lot like Kit and Matt James’ one-on-one date.
  • How did it go giving yourself Bangs, Chandler?
  • Does “Sunday Funday” mean football?

Chrissa

26 Years Old
Marketing Director
Abbotsford, British Columbia
  • WE HAVE A CANADIAN!
  • Chrissa is very pretty. I find her very pretty.
  • She is the first one I have seen donning the Barbie pink in her profile shot.
  • Oh she has been engaged before…that is some life lessons. What were the red flags with her past engagement that she needs to make sure to avoid.
  • She likes to read (being alone and quiet), go to breweries, and play golf. Chrissa may be my front-runner.
  • SHE LOVES SCRABBLE TOO?? GOT DAMNIT THIS WOMEN. I LOVE HER.

Daisy

25 Years Old
Account Executive
Becker, Minnesota
  • Oh a Minnesotan! Maybe she knows my sisters. Probably not. Btu still, love that state getting some rep.
  • Family is very important to her. If she grew up in Minnesota, she may be shocked that she hasn’t started her own family.
  • OH she grew up on a Christmas tree farm? She is living out the Hallmark movie.
  • Wait a second, do we have two want to be bestsellers here? I wrote the Erika recap before getting to Daisy (you know, to mix it up) and she also wants to be a bestseller.

Edwina

25 Years Old
Entrepreneur
Atlanta, Georgia
  • With Edwina having transgressed the world, it makes sense why she is an Entrepreneur. She has the self-confidence to pull it off.
  • Clients across the globe? The international crochet company of the world.
  • Ohhhh, clever write-ups. Clever saying “Close-Knit” when talking about her relationship with her family. Clever, clever.
  • So she is 25, has an international company, and wants to start a family. She is ambitious as hell.
  • Edwina really wanting to learn tennis will be good for the show, or will be devastating for her when she doesn’t get the chance.
  • Don’t love the fact she is terrified of cats. She suspicious of black cats?
  • I DO NOT agree with Edwina travelling for one day to see the Eiffel Tower. That is fiscally irresponsible. But I guess if you can afford it.

Erika

25 Years Old
LEasing Agent
North Bergen, New Jersey
  • She is a leasing agent? I have questions about the cost of rent, why brokers exist, and more existential crisis questions about trying to live in the Northeast and in particular the Tri-State area is so freaking expensive.
  • Ugh, adorable dog. I do not care.
  • She wants to write her own bestseller? I kind of like that aspiration. It is ambitious for sure, but hell, if she can go find the time the all for it.
  • Paint and sip is a great date idea. They are a blast.
  • I had a crush on an emo girl in middle school. A had-shaking moment in my life filled with embarrassment and regrets. She was fine, I just was a fool.

Evalin

29 Years Old
Nanny
San Antonio, Texas
  • Ohhh we have someone no afraid to speak her mind. A classic necessity of the show. Let’s stir the pot, shall we?
  • EIGHT SIBILINGS?? Damn that is a huge family.
  • I had to look up that a “#Hamilfan” was on the Internet. I didn’t know this was a named community.
  • Oh, she wants to go on a date with Charity? The recent Bachelorette was drawn for a conversation on Bachelor In Paradise, so perhaps she will be again here. To talk about Joey.

Jenn

25 Years Old
Physician Assistant
Miami, FLorida
  • YOU ARE A STUDENT AND YOU ARE GOING ON THIS SHOW?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
  • The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo was spoiled for me by a co-worker who was talking about it. I learned of the ending while my fiancée was reading it so that was something to enjoy holding over her for a short while.
  • Jenn is smart for knowing that aliens are real.
  • Do you need chapstick often in Florida?

Jess

24 Years Old
Executive Assistant
San Diego, California
  • I don’t know why this picture sticks out more than the rest, but Jess’s hair seems extra propped up and placed.
  • I am confuzzled as to why she spends most of her time dedicating it to those who are impacted by natural disasters, but her job is an executive assistant. Is it charity work? Is it part of her job?
  • I had to look up what a Yorkipoo is.
  • “Country Glamour” reminds me of Christina from Zach’s season. Didn’t end too wel for her.
  • Oh, so we have a ton of readers in this crew, but Jess just read her first book. I feel like this is telling us something without telling us anything.

Katelyn

25 Years Old
Radiochemist
Santa Fe, New Mexico
  • BABY FACE. A super smart baby face. Katelyn looks like she is 12 years old but she is obviously well educated.
  • SHE BOUGHT HER FIRST HOME AT 23??? People have different fiscal eras and benchmarks, don’t they?
  • There are a lot of authors named in these bios and I do not know them.
  • The word “feminist” has come up. This is the first time it’s so emphatically stated.

Kayla

27 Years Old
Guidance Counselor
Hamilton, Ohio
  • She was in a relationship for eight years, but it was broken off with concepts of the future in doubt. That long of a relationship with no engagement usually means college relationship and then a latching onto that youth.
  • What is a “soft girl” era? I don’t understand the phrase.
  • Kayla is not the only one to mention being a third wheel with friends…but wasn’t she just in an eight year relationship so why was she the third wheel?
  • It seems she really loves Harry Potter. Will her pickup line be about Joey casting a spell on her?

Kelsey A.

25 Years Old
Junior Project Manager
New Orleans, Louisiana
  • Definitely an interesting perspective growing up in Germany and from a military background.
  • Can’t blame Kelsey A. for loving the food of New Orleans and trying different things there. I do love myself New Orleans in the short stint that I went there.
  • Home made gifts and tokens is a nice bit of romantic love language. She is probably going to give him on early on if I had to bet, and maybe they will make something together if they get far enough.
  • 12 hours to plan an international getaway is not enough time.
  • Well Kelsey, you will get to know what it’s like living life without social media for a while. Depends how long you last on the show.

Kelsey T.

31 Years Old
Actor
Los Angeles, Turkey
  • Kelsey T. is very cute. I am a fan. On a binary level, I like her.
  • Kelsey T. has been engaged before. I don’t know if it makes this journey more and less scary knowing what is expected at the end.
  • A game nights gal! We love that! I wish that Emma and I had more friends around so we could do that.
  • Kelsey T. is an actor. Have i seen her in anything?
  • The lizard bit in her fun facts has to make my fiancée happy.

Kyra

26 Years Old
Paralegal
Miami, Florida
  • Kyra, you are a paralegal, you are too smart to be on this show!
  • Do we have three Miami women on the roster here?
  • What does her quirky sense of humor come off as?
  • Kyra has written poem about her exes. Are they hand written or electric? Does she keep them?
  • I would try some Kung Pao tofu for sure.
  • Oh Kyra looks through old year books which means she DEFINITELY kept the old poems.

Lanie

27 Years Old
Realtor
philadelphia, pennsylvania
  • Lanie has the 2010 high school link down pat. Seems to have vibe and the style down.
  • Is the world “situationships” going to be added to the dictionary or something? I have heard of it in passing but it now being used in so many of these bios has me worried.
  • Lanie wants to live in Greece? Or buy a house there? Does she want a Big Fat Greek Wedding?

Lauren

28 Years Old
Registered Nurse & Allison’s Sister
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
  • Alright, I opened up this little bio preview with Lauren’s sister Allison. Now I am at Lauren.
  • Lauren attends group fitness classes…which is different from the runners who proliferate this long list of contestants.
  • There is no mention of sharing men like in Allison’s bio.
  • Ewwww, a voice texter. Wait, is that different than voice memo? Either way, very skeptical.
  • I do completely agree with Lauren when she says that cleaning is therapeutic.

Lea

23 Years Old
Account Manager
Waipahu, Hawaii
  • 23 years old is too young. Going to type it out for every 23 years old.
  • Oh Lea was the women on After The Final Rose. She has no shot. Sorry, absolutely not shot at all. Zero. That segment of TV was very bad and very cringe and I am not rooting for Lea. I am an asshole, but it’s okay.

Lexi

30 Years Old
Digital Strategist
Atlanta, Georgia
  • Lexi has the dangerous alluring sweet smile and eyes. She is dragging me in. She might be trouble but I might be able to find out.
  • I don’t love the bragging about being 1% in MIT bit. Rather have a quiet confidence about that sort of intellect.
  • Lexi moved 15 times as a kid??? That is crazy. How many different schools was she in?
  • Liking to play poker means you like to play mind games which means you will be good on this show.
  • Another women who runs or wants to run seeing how a goal is a marathon.

Madina

31 Years Old
Mental Health Therapist
Charlotte, North Carolina
  • This picture of Madina terrifies me. If a women looked at me like this and approached, I would take a step back and tremble. Maybe that is what Joey likes though.
  • I am a The Great British Bake Off fan myself, so I am aboard that train. Granted I am a newbie. But I will take it.
  • Color-coded organization is an interesting method. Be willing to bet that she is a visual learner.
  • Madina is not a camper, more of the indoor type. Can empathize. I am not a huge fan either.

Maria

29 Years Old
Executive Assistant
Kleinburg, Ontario
  • OUT. I AM OUT! She came on this show and is presenting herself because of a physic reading? I am out. SO far out.
  • Okay, maybe she sucked me in a little with loving horror movies. I would be interested to know what type. Let’s talk Maria. I would imagine something with a The Shining variety.
  • Won’t leave her “ghosted”…clever with the horror movie topic.
  • Disposable camera shoot is actually a good date idea. I am going to stash that one.

Marlena

26 Years Old
Finance Writer
West Palm Beach, Florida
  • Marlena is beautiful. She is not hot or sexy. She is stunning. Like movie star stop your tracks looks.
  • She is an optimistic type, and I do like that she described herself as resilient. That is a good trait to have.
  • Marlena is a planner. She has a five year plan for her personal life. She probably has it budgeted out too.
  • They better have a fucking library in this mansion because these ladies are going to be starting a book club.
  • Marlena is a golfer. Having gone through these bios in a somewhat random order, she is not the first nor the last.

Nat

26 Years Old
Registered Nurse/Professor
Sudbury, Canada
  • Genuine question, how do you convey knowledge as a professor at 26 years old over people who may very well be your age or older? That would be a question I have.
  • 12 hours of a sleep a night is excessive. Will she be around all the living room when Jesse Palmer walks in or will she be napping? Naps are important…we were all told that once.
  • I do agree with a cold bedroom. Would want to see what temperature Nat would like it at.
  • Oh, Nat gets FOMO? SURELY THAT WON’T LED TO EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS WHILE BEING ON THE BACHELOR!.
  • Of the ladies who didn’t smile with their teeth, she has the prettiest smile.

Rachel

26 Years Old
ICU Nurse
Honolulu, Hawaii
  • Honest question. As a Hawaiian, do the tropical getaways that happen on this show lose their luster because you life in paradise?
  • Joey has the Hawaiian connection, so that will prove to be fruitful I am sure.
  • READING, READING, READING.
  • Why did they have to say “Wifey Material” instead of “Wife Material”?
  • Feather earnings?? Let’s get her and Brayden in a room together!

Sam

31 Years Old
CPA
Nashville, Tennessee
  • The first of two people from Nashville, Tennessee. Sam is a bit on the older side compared to the rest the contestants on the show, so will be curious to see how it plays out when she definitely has seen of the universe out and about.
  • Sam is a former New Yorker…which begs the question as to whether or not he will have a New York or Southern accent.
  • Pizza and Margaritas does sound like a good time.
  • Parents are divorced but mom & step-dad are role models.
  • Destination wedding makes sense if you are are going on The Bachelor.
  • 10 P.M. is FAR TOO LATE for a dinner.

Samantha

25 Years Old
Pro Football Cheerleader
Miami, FLORIDA
  • Samantha is a cheerleader (probably for the Miami Dolphins), but is she best known for that?
    • Reading further down, I was right. It is the Dolphins?
  • Samantha has perfected the fake smile being a Disney Princess, a cheerleader, and a beauty pageant queen.
  • Another dog person. I am just not a dog person. I am sorry.
  • Samantha wants to take airboat tours. Girl, you live in Florida. Go see some gators! I have done it like four times and I only go and visit once a year!

Sandra

26 Years Old
CyberSecurity Consultant
Nashville, Tennessee
  • The younger of the two Nashville residents.
  • A Cybersecurity Consultant sounds remarkably difficult and relevant to the world today. Would be interested to ask about that.
  • The phrase “loves love” makes me cringe.
  • Oh fuck off with “hot girl walks”. Negative 1000 points. You basically can not recover from that in my eyes.
  • Good for Sandra for liking football, but the idea of a “Hot Girl Walk” is like being tossed into a Sarlacc pit.

Starr

25 Years Old
Mental Health Conselor
Delray Beach, FLORIDA
  • The last of five Floridians vying for the heart of Joey. Hopefully all that Sunshine State energy is not too blinding. I will walk myself out.
  • We have a lot of runners in this crop. Physical fitness seems to be a theme.
  • I don’t think it’s a great sign that she is ready to get engaged and married because she tired of being the third wheel. Everyone goes through that.
  • UGH, Starr, you were looking like a decent player till you said that you are always late. Can’t have that!
  • Also, I will say it. Starr is pretty.

Sydney

28 Years Old
Vintage Store Owner
Newport, Rhode Island
  • Okay, Syndey is giving off a bit of overfriendly crazy eyes.
  • What is exactly in a vintage store?
  • Oh FUCK NO. Another spontaneous single-day flight to an international country person? Absolutely not. No way. No wat in hell.
  • Sydney is a cat person.
  • She has the eyes of a “Most School Spirit” winner.
  • It is interesting that she lived in Thailand for a while.

Talyah

23 Years Old
Esthetician
Huntington Beach, CA
  • 23 years old is too young. Going to type it out for every 23 years old.
  • So Talyah is a “Gossip Girl” girl instead of a “GIlmore Girls” girl.
  • Chihuahua’s are ugly. I said it.
  • Her pickup line is the most classic on in the book besides “You come here often?”
  • Talyah loves the style of of the 1950s, but needs a good pair of leggings to survive? That seems a bit hypocritical.

Taylor

23 Years Old
Recruiter
Chicago, Illinois
  • 23 years old is too young. Going to type it out for every 23 years old.
  • We have gone through this list (well almost all of it) and she is one of many to mention that she has been in a long-term relationship before.
  • She has an HR job, but whom does she do HR for?
  • I don’t know the author Taylor Jenkins. But it does appear we have a lot of readers in this group.
  • Ice skating….is this a foreshadowing adventure proposal.
  • Alright, its funny that she answered being Joey’s fiancée for the question of who she would be for a day.

Zoe

24 Years Old
artist
Atlanta, Georgia
  • Zoe looks like a blast. She is an artist so perhaps I wouldn’t really be able to connect, but her smile is welcoming and doesn’t look staged at all.
  • A museum date is ABSOLUTELY going to happen. It might be a group date, it might be a one-on-one, but the young 24-year-old is definitely going to get a chance.
  • Another runner. Does she listen to Architectural Digest on her runs?
  • I love the noticing being on the phone too much. Now granted with time on this she she won’t have a problem because nobody has phones, but it is an after the fact problem. Imagine she wins and Joey is addicted to his phone?

The Bachelor premieres Monday, January 22nd on ABC.

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