Movies…with a little bit of obscure culture and sports mixed in
Desperado is not the type of movie to win any awards, but it will win the heart of anyone who matches it. Antonio Banderas is having an absolute blast and Salma Hayek is throwing heat every scene she is in. The whole movie feels as if it was made in Robert Rodriguez’s backyard, making it a passion project with extra pizazz.
“Former musician and gunslinger El Mariachi arrives at a small Mexican border town after being away for a long time. His past quickly catches up with him and he soon gets entangled with the local drug kingpin Bucho and his gang”
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Writer: Robert Rodriguez
Starring: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Joaquim de Almeida, Cheech Marin, Steve Buscemi
Release Date: August 25, 1995
IMDB
Holy shit, Desperado is a fuck-ton of fun! Robert Rodriguez’s second major motion features guns, incredibly attractive people doing incredibly attractive things, and more guns. Logic, physics and rationality are not parts of this movie’s main ingredients. One better prepare for frantic wire acts, an unnecessary amount of bullets, and penis guns.
Desperado begins establishing the myth of El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas), a former musician who carries an armory of weaponry in a guitar case on a quest to avenge the killing of his girlfriend. El Mariachi is seeking the mob leading kingpin Bucho (Joaquim DeAlmeida), and his quest takes him to a South of the Border town teeming with trouble. The musician-turned-indestructible video game hero kills a fuck ton of bad guys and meets a few allies along the way, none more famous than the librarian Carolina (Salma Hayek).
I could talk about the movie Desperado itself, or I could talk about the hottest couple to ever grace the silver screen. Antonio Banderas as El Mariachi and Salma Hayek as Carolina are the sexiest movie personnes I have ever seen. And together, honestly, it is not fair.
Banderas with his long hair flowing in the slow-motion wind is a cheat code, and combining that with his passion for long stares and sass is breaking the scale of appeal. The man also plays the guitar (Banderas did all his own music in the movie) and there is a scene where he relates to a child through music. The man is bringing the bad-boy rockstar appeal with the sensitive father halo.
Salma Hayek. Good lord, Salma Hayek. No one should be allowed to be as beautiful as she is in Desperado. She steals hearts from the moment she first appears on the street. She has the look and the confidence that are meant to kill, and the way she and Banderas share eye contact is more erotic than the actual sex scene in the movie. Also, I beg the question, did the character of Carolina begin the sexy librarian Halloween costume trend? Carolina owns a book store and cares about educating herself. I would be willing to credit Hayek with that particular foxy get-up, as well as anything else.
And it goes without saying that Hayek has aged better than any fine wine. She is still one of the most beautiful people alive in the world. Desperado was just her starting point.
The villain of Desperado is Bucho, played by Joaquim DeAlmeida. Bucho as a character has been plucked out of soap opera and dropped into a Rodriguez action adventure. His mannerisms are all absurd in the best way, and his subordinates are all perfectly incapable of getting any job done. DeAlmeida has a great look for a bad guy and most people will recognize him as the main antagonist in Fast Five (2011).
Sticking with the soap opera thought, the ending of Desperado takes a massive leap towards that genre.
Spoilers for a movie that is over 30 years old, but reveal that El Mariachi and Bucho are brothers is this movie’s greatest bit of comedy. If the movie wasn’t so much fun to watch for its first two acts, I would have been facepalming out of extreme frustration. But credit to Rodriguez and everyone involved with Desperado because the family relations are just icing on the cake of absurdity.
Speaking of absurdity, we need to touch on arguably THE GREATEST cool guys don’t look at explosions moment. If you don’t know what I am talking about, take a look at this Lonely Island masterpiece below.
El Mariachi and Carolina on the roof strutting away from a gratuitously over-fiery grenade blast is exactly what this song is about. These two characters are cool, but never cooler than when they are striding away from flames equal to the passion and sex appeal each possesses. This is cinema.
Desperado is not the type of movie to win any awards, but it will win the heart of anyone who matches it. Antonio Banderas is having an absolute blast and Salma Hayek is throwing heat every scene she is in. The whole movie feels as if it was made in Robert Rodriguez’s backyard, making it a passion project with extra pizazz.
As of January 2024, Desperado is streaming on Netflix. Now I need to go and find El Mariachi somewhere and see how zany this film’s inspiration was.
STANKO RATING: B+
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