Movies…with a little bit of obscure culture and sports mixed in
It’s about time we stop making movies based on amusement park rides. The Pirates of The Caribbean (2003) set the fervor in motion, yet after that the Disney machine couldn’t fix it.
“A single mom named Gabbie hires a tour guide, a psychic, a priest and a historian to help exorcise her newly bought mansion after discovering it is inhabited by ghosts.”
Director: Justin Simien
Writer: Katie Dippold
Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Owen Wilson, Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito, Jamie Lee Curtis, Chase Dillon, Jared Leto
Release Date: July 28, 2023
IMDB
It’s about time we stop making movies based on amusement park rides. The Pirates of The Caribbean (2003) set the fervor in motion, yet after that the Disney machine couldn’t fix it. There were solid entertainment vessels like Jungle Cruise (2021), but big misses like Tomorrowland (2015) and Country Bears (2002) have been the more likely, and forgettable results.
Haunted Mansion (2023) is a 150 million dollar Disney visual effects experiment attempting to capture the nostalgia for the well respected Haunted Mansion ride at Disney parks. The film, which did not perform well at the box office, did not grip critics or average viewers. Despite a cast that is eye-brow raising, Haunted Mansion steps into a six-foot deep hole of visual effects reliance and non comedic character relationships.
The first question I have is who was Haunted Mansion made for? Based on the cast of recognizable names and faces, one would think that it is made for adults. However, the tenor of the story and the comedy would make one think that it is made for kids. But if the movie was made for kids, why was there only one children’s part? Why not have Haunted Mansion be about a bunch of kids in a house trying to Macgyver their way instead of random misfit adults?
I can personally guarantee that if you asked kids if it mattered that this cast was this stacked, they would shake their head and laugh at you. No one in middle school or younger knows who LaKeith Stanfield is, and he is the main character of the movie.
So was Haunted Mansion made for adults who love Disney? If so, that is an incredibly niche group with not a ton of incentive to go to the movies. It is just a confusing project, but whatever pitch was made to all the stars must have been great because Haunted Mansion is not lacking for grown-up talent.
Of all the actors who make time to appear on screen, none are better than Rosario Dawson. Playing the part of the single mother Gabbie, Dawson has the motherly warmth that invites the audience in without giving a second thought. The vibe of the movie, which is both playful and trying to be spooky, is matched by her optimistic yet logical thinking.
The rest of the cast plays parts they are traditionally seen in. Owen Wilson plays a man with optimistic leanings but steeped with a lack of self confidence. Tiffany Haddish plays a loud psychic who needs to go beyond her skills and talent, and it’s Jamie Lee Curtis who is the elder trapped in a ball (literally trying to help her). Danny DeVito is the eccentric old man who won’t be stubborn and Jared Leto acts out the creepy soul sucker.
LaKeith Stanfield, one-time Oscar nominee, has the most growth as a character. Playing the part of Ben Matthias, his backstory is the most evolved. He fell in love, lost his loved one, and then diverged his whole life to try and still be a part of her in some symbolic way. When he becomes trapped in the Haunted Mansion, he has to confront his past and work towards a reluctant acceptance of his situation. Matthias’s past is a bit dense, as are his personal changes, which makes me more confused as to who this movie was made for.
The ending of Haunted Mansion, which is a traditionally happy one, is made to appease the youthful love for over…everything. The last 20 minutes is a CGI visual effects festivus. There are ghosts everywhere. There are family values sung to the rooftops, and the evil is vanquished through unity and love.
I suppose it can’t go unsaid that the whole entire movie is a VFX showcase. Granted, not the highest quality VFX. The alligators jumping up from the water has to be the low point, right?
I have reached the point of this reaction blog where I don’t have much more to say because Haunted Mansion is a wholly forgettable, fine, one-time viewing experience. It is the type of movie you turn on if you are a parent of three needing to quiet everyone down for mandatory family time.
If you are said parent, turn on Disney+ and press play on Haunted Mansion. If you are not, then you can skip it and just ride the ride at whatever Disney amusement part you prefer.
STANKO RATING: C-
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