PREAMBLE

I am this preamble from my bed. Went to bed last night at like 8:30 PM, and slept till 11 AM this morning. Fuck Emma’s students. They got her sick and now I am cooped up here like an indoor cat (Bogey is sitting right next to me) with disgusting flem fighting to clog all my senses.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning to a much together matchup with Steve. And then he accuses me of manipulating the score? While I am ill? The disrespect. Shake my head. 

Any who, some MASSIVE scores this week, and not all of those scores won. Ronan get extra fucked, so sympathies go out to him.

Anyway, pardon if this is shorter or more-error filled than most times. Working on like 30% brain capacity. Maybe I will make up a little bit more as I continue typing.

Onto week three.

WEEK 3 SCOREBOARD

  • Neither Steve nor I deserved to win this game. Just a gross amount of disgusting play. And the fact that we had to wait until Monday night to get the final decision was like being strapped into a salon chair at The Prestige. Everything is just so drawn out. Just far too long an experience for a result that is less than we desired.
    • Waking up to find out I was this close to winning was a little bit of a tough pill to swallow. I can’t be complaining because neither Steve nor I should sniff victory this week.
  • Christopher Lobo picks up his second win of the season due in large part to the massive game from James Connor. Nobody expected the Cardinals to run all over the Dallas Cowboys, and that offense strategy allowed Connor to get a huge 18.6 points. ALso Zack Moss is just thriving without Jonathan Taylor in the lineup.
    • McLaughlin made the tough choice to play AJ Dillion in his second RB spot rather than Jerrick McKinnon. Hell, Ezekiel Elliot would have been a better option. But you know what would have been the right move…playing De’Von Achane. The Miami Dolphins running back burst onto the scene from nowhere and scored 49.3 points. Obviously enough to win this matchup, but who have thought to play him?
  • DIrty Mike And The Boys showed absolutely zero mercy to Jimmy Simon this week. The Minnesota Vikings may be winless, but Kirk Cousins is still putting up great numbers. But really we have to talk about the combined production of Davante Adams and Keenan Allen. The two AFC West wide receivers scored a combined 72.16 points. Tough to lose when you have those numbers.
    • Jimmy, sometimes you just run up against a buzz saw, and that buzzsaw hails from Yorktown, NY. Not much hope when no one from the weekend’s games toggled more than 15.1 points. Tee Higgins did have Joe Burrow suit up against the Los Angeles Rams, but it was too late.
  • Tommy Simon takes down the previously top-ranked Buzzi for his first win of the season. Not a bad way to make your first mark of the season. Lamar Jackson put forth nearly 30 points to be his highest scorer, and otherwise it was consistency throughout the lineup. Rookie tight end Sam LaPorta of Detroit had 18.4 points which was a key overachiever.
    • Buzzi, turns out the Dallas Cowboys aren’t going to score double-digit absurd point totals for the entire season. Tyreek Hill still does his thing with 26.2 points, and kicker Tyler Bass booted 15 points through the uprights to give him a chance.
  • Nothing I type here is going to make Ronan feel any better about losing this matchup. This is just the craziness that is fantasy football. This is just terrible luck, through and through. The fact that Ronan may have stayed up on Monday night to watch D’Andre Swift and the Eagles defense fall JUST short to Mcginnity and Dallas Goedert’s output…well that fact is a sad one.
    • McGinnity may be one of the few fantasy football players who emerged victorious in week three when they went up against Raheem Mostert. Thankfully for McGinnity, Kenneth Walker III had his best game thus far, and Christian McCaffrey continues to be a guaranteed touchdown machine. Also extra points to McGinnity for changing his team name. Through me for a loop for a second, but I got there.

WEEK 3 ANALYTICS

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  • Ritz’s 100.66 points from his wide receivers would have beaten three entire teams this week: Jimmy, Steve and myself.
  • Somehow, in a week where everyone managed some pretty large numbers, my team did not score 100 points combined between my roster and my bench.
  • Ritz’s +52.72 points compared to projected is the best thus far this season, and it was more than double what Buzzi had in week one.
  • Ritz led the weak in scoring for a second straight week, and I was the lowest on totem pole once again.
  • Ritz set the new season-best thus far for points scored with 175.14.
    • Also did the same in points compared to projected with +52.72
    • Also did the same in points scored by wide receivers with 100.66
  • Stanko set a new season-worst thus far for points scored on the bench 15.8
    • Also did the same in total points scored, putting forth a measly 99.16
  • McGinnity set a new season-best thus far for points scored by a quarterback with 29.30
  • Ronan set a new season-best thus far for points scored by running backs with 64.70
  • Steve set a new season-low thus far for points scored by running backs with 8.70
  • McLaughlin sets a new season-low thus far for points scored by a defense/ST with -6.00
  • Steve and Lobo tied the season-best with 18.0 points by their kickers.
  • Jimmy has ranked eighth in points scored by running backs every week thus far this season.
  • McLaughlin ranked 10th and 9th in points scored by the bench over the first two weeks, but this week he ranked number one for points not used.
  • I know rank the worst in points scored, points on my bench, full team points, points compared to projected, and kicker points. I stink.

ADDITIONAL WEEK 3 STATISTICS

AVERAGE MARGIN OF VICTORY BY WEEK
  • Week 1: 19.13
  • Week 2: 25.52
  • Week 3: 21.73
  • Average Margin Of Victory This Season Is 22.13
TOP FIVE WEEKLY TOTAL
  • Ritz – 175.14
  • McGinnity – 154.1
  • Ronan – 152.46
  • Lobo – 146.66
  • McLaughlin – 127.88
LOWEST FIVE WEEKLY TOTAL
  • Stanko – 83.36
  • Steve – 84.08
  • Jimmy – 93.44
  • Buzzi – 113.92
  • T-Si – 119.88
AVERAGE TEAM TOTALS PER WEEK
  • Week One: 106.91
  • Week Two: 114.35
  • Week Three: 125.07
  • Average Team Total This Season Is 115.44

WEEK 4 MATCHUPS

  • I’ll tell you what. I am not excited to be facing Buzzi. One of, if not the top team in the league going up against my weak and hobbled team? Not great. Really not optimistic one bit. Less than one bit actually.
    • I NEED Austin Ekeler back like I need air to breath. My purchasing of Joshua Kelley off of the waiver wire appears to have been a massive mistake. Perhaps if I get Ekeler back, and Christian Watson to suit up, maybe I will only lose by 15 and not by a bajillion. 
  • Ritz vs. Steve. Twi teams that are 2-1 but with very different vibes. Ritz is coming off the most impressive performance of the season while Steve won with horrendous efforts. Regardless, wins are wins, and the victory of this contest may have a claim at first place.
    • Why is it that we are getting both New York teams in prime time this week? Steve is going to have Garrett Wilson and The Jets defense on Sunday night, and Ritz will have Graham Gano on Monday night.
  • Lobo is 2-1 and based off the very early projects, this one is leaning heavily in his direction. Can he rely on James Conner surpassing expectations again? But will Lobo get Jaylen Waddle back? That would be nice for him.
    • Will T-Si get Aaron Jones back this week? THat would help him in the running back and flex department. And who will T-Si play at quarterback? Lamar Jackson against the crazy good Cleveland defense, or Brock Purdy off extra rest against the Cardinals?
  • What we have here is a heavyweight matchup that is headlined by a pair of AFC west quarterbacks. Patrick Mahomes for McLaughlin and Herbert for McGinnity. Tom gets Alvin Kamara back this week, and McLaughlin has already placed Achane in his roster for this week.
    • I look at McGinnity’s team and I just think it is exceptionally solid. He has depth and it is just a good team. Things may be getting very stressful on Monday night when he has to watch Kenneth Walker III lace up against his Giants with the matchup on the line. It may be a heart vs. head type of scenario.
  • Jimmy Simon is hoping that both David Montgomery and Brandon Aiyuk are healthy and ready for battle next week. Jimmy also has to be nervous because Ronan is going to come for blood this week. He wants revenge. Badly.
    • Jimmy saw a good Joe Burrow last light so that has to give him a bit of confidence. Meanwhile Justin Fields and Dak Prescott are competing for Ronan’s affection. Last week Ronan still had hope for Fields…but will he for another week? If Jimmy and Ronan decide to start these two QBs, it may be the only relevant thing about that game.

TEAMS ON A BYE: NONE

STANDINGS

  • Michael Ritz is now in first place, moving up from the third place spot.
  • Buzzi sits in second place, and McGinnity has moved into third.
  • Lobo moved up from sixth to fourth, leapfrogging Steve who stayed in fifth place.
  • Jimmy SImon had the biggest drop in the standings this week: he was in second place last week but now sits in seventh.
  • Ronan jumped up from ninth place to sixth place..
  • I now sit in last place, and Tommy gets out of the basement and has ninth place.

PUBLIC RELATIONS

“I better not have to watch 14 more games of this crap”

Steve Kultzow – Manager Of The Great Warren

“Massive win, coming at the cost of our locker room leader Mike Williams. We won’t release Mike, as he is too vital around our guys. A team that should be 3-0. It’ll be tough sledding every week in this league and we need some guys to step up.”

Mike Ritz – Manager of Dirty Mike And The Boys

“KeKe got the job done once again. Next on KeKe love list is Tommy Simon”

Christopher Lobo – Manager of Keke, Coutee Luv Me

“There was a moment on Sunday where I reflected back to the FIFA days and said just take it. However, this team pushed through and battled and kept their season alive. Hoping we get back to .500 this week!”

Tommy Simon – Manager of Across The Pond With London

“Solid performance this week and good to get back on track with another win. When someone one on the team your matched up against goes for 40+ points that’s always tough to overcome. But this team dug deep and got the win. We got to keep it up though.”

Matthew McGinnity – Manager of Run CMC

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