PREAMBLE

Week two has come and gone and thankfully for all of us the offenses of the NFL and the competitiveness of the matchups both amped up the intrigue. This week we had the first true case of someone getting the short of the stick in terms of a matchup, and we also have the dubious creeping thoughts of teams that are beginning to panic that they just aren’t good enough. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are three teams that are flying their flags proudly and humbling bestowing losses upon the rest of our shoulders.

Is week three too early to call a matchup must win? I wish we could go back in time and see how many teams make the fantasy football playoffs after falling to an 0-3 record. I can’t imagine that the numbers are minimal if not zero. 

Of the 0-2 teams, I wonder who falls into the camp of the Patriots under the umbrella of We aren’t that bad! Of the 2-0 teams, I wonder who may go way of the Washington Commanders and realize that they aren’t that good and they have only played shit teams. 

Time will tell.

Onto week two.

WEEK 2 SCOREBOARD

  • I almost had a Monday night miracle and I didn’t even think I had a chance. But with that being said, it was Saquon Barkley (all in the second half) and his 27.2 points that snuffed out my chance at victory. On Thursday night I had D’Andre Swift get me 28.1 points which is fucking fantastic, but I fucked myself by picking up the Houston defense who cored me -2.0 points.
    • I was in a pickle mentally because I have Tyler Lockett in a different league and I was watching him score late touchdowns to give me a chance in one league but sink me in this one. Also my Cam Akers pick is looking HORRENDOUS while Vaghi sat Puka Nacua…who had 30.1 points.
  • Jack List had a tough fantasy week. The loss to Huntley (who is now 2-0), and the loss of Nick Chubb for the entire season. He was also without Aaron Jones this week and do we know when he is going to be back? Perhaps he can toss in Zack Moss for the time being, but will he get that many touches if Anthony Richardson is back?
    • BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE LOSER. Huntley got a monster week from Kirk Cousins to start off strong, and CeeDee Lamb diced up the New York Jets defense…however Keenan Allen made it even better with a 31.1 points effort against the Titans. Honestly super impressive win for Huntley seeing how Najee Harris stinks and Pat Freiermuth and his 1.2 point effort was a tough pill to swallow.
  • Eric with a great bounce back week. Fewest points last week to a very respectable 138.16 points this week. Josh Allen remembered how to NOT turn the ball over all the time, and Tee Higgins made the most of the Bengals tough defense. Mike Evans seems to love playing with Baker Mayfield and having Travis Kelce is always a nice plus.
    • We gotta talk about Brandin Cooks being in Greg’s lineup despite him being made inactive for the game. Not saying it would have shafted the contest at all, but this snafu may look bad when tie breakers come down to points scored. Otherwise just not a lot of game breakers on Greg’s team. So chalk it up to a tough week and move forward.
  • Michael Kenney, look away. It is not a good day for Michael Kenney. An absolute blood bath. Joe Burrow is not healthy, Alexander Maddison struggled and there were four other single digit scorers and a negative point gathering defense. Sorry Mike, just not good. Meanwhile, Andrew Huntley is a quiet 2-0. Is it possible to be a quiet 2-0 this early? Jalen Hurts is wheeling and dealing and the Dallas Cowboys are turning in an MVP performance with their defensive performances.
    • Andrew has to be very happy that Hunter Henry is scoring touchdowns for the Patriots and himself. Is he going to be this reliable all year long? As Pats we are certainly hopeful. Also what a fucking genius move TO NOT play Breece Hall this week. Wow, sixth sense working for Huntley.
  • I am going to blow enough smoke up Bove’s ass this week because he has been the best team in the league thus far, so let’s just say that he is doing hunky dorey and he should have nothing to complain about being 2-0. Bove’s victim this week was Michaud, who had a strong showing last week but couldn’t make it two weeks in a row. Michaud looks to have lost David Montgomery for at least a couple weeks, but hopefully Austin Ekeler gets back to fill in that slot. 
    • Michaud has to deal with many cards in his hands when it comes to the running back spot. Ekeler is a must start when healthy, but where do you go with Dameon Pierce (not good thus far but a bell cow), Brian Robinson Jr. (good start to season but on inconsistent offense) or David Montgomery (best offense, points not coming in bunches)?
  • If we were a full roster scoreboard, then Billy Drakeley would absolutely be killing it. He by far has had the best bench production over the first two weeks; 96 points the first week and 97.2 points in week two! This time around, playing Daniel Jones was the right move, but Billy will be pinching himself for now putting either Christian Kirk or Nico Collins in the flex spot. Either would have given him the win easily.
    • I suppose we should touch on Gabe who won the match. That would probably be the proper thing to do. Christian McCaffrey did his thing along after a monster game from T.J. Hockenson put him on the proper footing before the weekend even came around. Josh Jacobs had a tough week, as did Calvin Ridley, but he eked out enough points for a win and that’s all that matters.

WEEK 2 ANALYTICS

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  • Billy had really tough luck this week having the highest scoring quarterback and the highest scoring bench (again) and still losing.
  • Bove only ranked in the bottom half of a statistical category in wide receiver points, where he ranked seventh.
    • He also led the league in three statistical categories, including points scored and points compared to projected for the second straight week.
  • Eric with a great bounce back week going from the least amount of points in week one to the most points this week. He was able to win despite getting the lowest points from running backs because he had the most points from wide receivers
  • Gabe is the luckiest of the winners this week; he finished seventh in terms of points scored but still able to get the victory over Billy who had the eighth most points.
    • Gabe has ranked at the top of tight end points scored over the first two weeks.
  • Kenney, just bury the tape. Kenney finished ranked last in seven categories this week.
  • Michaud had a rather large dropoff in terms of full team points; last week he ranked first and this week he ranked seventh. Also curious is that he has ranked second in points on the bench each of the first two weeks.
  • Stanko got the most fucked this week in terms of his matchup. Yes, I am talking in the third person. He had the fifth most points scored but simply got a matchup up against Vaghi who had the fourth best score this week. The madness of fantasy football.
  • Tell you what Timmy, if you continuously have the second best scoring output from quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers in any given week, then you are going to be perfectly fine.
  • Bove has an odd bit of dominance happening; he is average rank in seven different categories is atop the league but his average total in the categories only has him as the leader in three.
    • The three categories that overlap as best in the league are points scored, points compared to projected and kicker points.
  • Billy Drakeley doesn’t have a win yet his team has the best average in terms of total team score.
  • Vaghi and List are the only two teams that aren’t peaking or drooping in specific categories. Just riding the middle tier.
  • It is a family affair in terms of the worst teams right now…Kenney and I have the most red squares with seven each.

ADDITIONAL WEEK 1 STATISTICS

Margin Of Victory By Week
  • Week 1: 35.96
  • Weel 2: 25.74
  • Average Margin Of Victory This Season Is 30.85
TOP Six WEEKLY TOTAL
  • 141.50 – Bove
  • 139.26 – Timmy
  • 138.16 – Eric
  • 125.44 – Vaghi
  • 121.68 – Stanko
  • 120.40 – Huntley
LOWEST Six WEEKLY TOTAL
  • 79.88 – Kenney
  • 101.80 – Michaud
  • 105.34 – List
  • 107.70 – Brick
  • 111.64 – Billy
  • 117.70 – Gabe
Average Team Totals Per Week
  • Week One: 101.19
  • Week Two: 117.54

WEEK 3 MATCHUPS

  • Here we are, the two weakest week 1 performers are coming to a head here in week three. Eric was able to notch a win column tally, which is huge for morale. A lot is going to be riding on the Buffalo vs. Washington game because Eric has Josh Allen, Antonio Gibson and Terry McLaurin, all of whom he is likely to play.
    • I am deeming this a must win for myself. Need to have it. Have to have it.
  • A pair of .500 teams and based off just a quick eyeballing of their rosters…yea I would say these teams are about even? The Cowboys are playing the Cardinals so I am genuinely worried that Dak might not need to throw a pass for Greg. Equally as worried for Jack that James Connor will possibly be stifled going up against the Dallas defense.
    • Over the course of the first two weeks, it is Greg who has the best average point total from wide receivers per week. It helps with you have Tyreek Hill, no doubt, but there is a questionable tag next to his name today…
  • Michael Kenney needs this win more than he needs a new pair of sheets on Christmas Day (not sure if everyone has heard the story of his dogs last holidays, but it is worth it). As of Wednesday, Kenney has inserted Tua into his starting slot, and he may need all the points because Kirk is going up against the stupidly bad Chargers defense. That is good for Timmy.
    • I just noticed that Timmy has three Los Angeles Chargers wide receivers; Allen, Mike Williams and Quentin Johnston. He is banking on someone getting hurt and the majority getting the rest of the snaps.
  • An early matchup between two undefeated teams; Bove vs. Huntley. Both of these fellas will be watching intently on Monday night for the Eagles. Bove wants a low scoring field goal fiesta while Huntley would love for a high scoring blitzkrieg.
    • Huntley is 2-0 this season and only has the best marks in one position. You guessed it, defense and special teams. How many points do you think that the Cowboys fantasy defense will put up on Sunday? Meanwhile, is averaging the most points per game thus far this season. If he can pull off Michael Pittman as Wr2 and DeAndre Hopkins as a flex this week, then everyone might be in trouble.
  • Sorry Vaghi, but I think Billy gets his first win this week. I feel it in my bones. He can’t be putting up numbers like this every week and not get a win. He is probably going to play Jordan Love on Sunday rather than Daniel Jones tomorrow against San Francisco, and the loss of NIck Chubb is going to hurt and take some getting used to. Also no Saquon this week. Ouch.
    • Vaghi bid 133 dollars for Jerome Ford. He had to. Without Chubb, he had to. But I would have loved to see Vaghi’s reaction when Kareem Hunt was announced as a Bengal again. Going to be very interesting how that plays out.
  • I think both Gabe’s San Francisco defense and Michaud’s Kansas City defense could score 15+ points this week. 49ers on a short week against the Giants and the Chiefs playing the Chicago Bears who are imploding off the field.
    • Based off the roster he has aligned now, Michaud being without Montgomery, sitting Pierce and relying on Ekeler and Robinson Jr. to carry the workload. Gabe is praying for DJ Moore to find the endzone to do a double-whammy against the Chiefs defense. Maybe it is a volume play for Moore probably being down a lot.

TEAMS ON A BYE: NONE

STANDINGS

  • Three teams at the top. Three teams at the bottom. The three top scoring teams are all the undefeated teams so that makes sense. 
  • Despite being in ninth place now, Eric has a 55% chance at making the playoffs according to ESPN. 
  • There are three teams this season who have had opponents average less than 100 points against them two games in; Andrew Huntley, Gabe & List.
  • I have the lowest chance of making the playoffs according the ESPN. I guess once I agreed to start writing recaps for you guys it all went to shit.

PUBLIC RELATIONS

“I’m really pleased with the effort the guys put forward. We were really strong on the ground and that’s going to have to be our identity this year”

Tim Bove – Manager Of Participation Trophy

“All around good team win, we played some hard-nosed football. Now we have to adjust and look forward to the next week.”

Gabe Lizarazo – Manager of Aaron Rodger’s Trip Sitter

“”Pickens scared the dickens outta me Monday night, but squeaked out the win this week.”

Matthew Vaghi – Manager of Monkey Boys

“We’re weathering the storm as our top backs are on the shelf. Proud of Kelce who was able to come out in “Style”. “Tis’ The Damn Season” baby, let’s play some football.”

Eric Sieracki – Manager of The Football Team

“How bout them Cowboys? I was reluctant to draft Cowboys because Dak often looks like my drunk uncle trying to throw a football on Thanksgiving but that’s turned out to be fruitful. For the sake of G- Brick’s mental well being and my team I hope the boys keep it up. [Also] Kirk Cousins may be the best QB in the league not named Patrick.

Timmy Drakeley – Manager of KC Rough Housers

Could not be reached for comment.

Andrew Huntley – Manager of GOAT Whisperer

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