In lieu of my golf recaps, I am going to be recapping Emma, Jake, Alicia and I’s round of mini golf at Cape Escape Adventure Golf in Orleans, MA.

If you think that mini golf is meant to be played for fun, then you are right. But you aren’t doing it right unless you have slightly too many competitive juices flowing. Emma and I are very competitive when it comes to mini golf, while Jake and Alicia are the more proper laid back.

So let’s get after it at Cape Escape Adventure Golf.

For starters, the par is 49, with multiple par threes and a par four in the mix. A very high par number for mini golf, and that means it’s going to be exciting. And props to the look of Cape Escape Adventure Golf. Outstanding visuals. There are boats, waterfalls, giant fake crabs, tiny fake sharks, and a bunch of hungry koi waiting to be fed. Really can’t ask for much more. Also Jake makes a great point that the course was very well shaded in areas. We were not sweltering in the late Thursday afternoon sun.

“ORLEANS”
HOLE ONE | PAR THREE

  • A rather easy hole to begin, and a surprising par three to begin. Nobody is complaining about the chance to be under par at the start of the round.
  • Emma likes to scout out the holes and go first when she feels confident. She goes first here and hits a good shot. Frankly, we all hit pretty good shots. Mine ends up two inches from the cup, but being that close means nothing.
  • In the end Emma, Alicia and I all got twos, and Jake puts home a three with a longer second shot tripping him up.

ALICIA: 2 | 2
EMMA: 2 | 2
JAKE: 3 | 3
STANKO: 2 | 2

“EASTHAM”
HOLE TWO | PAR TWO

  • No easy way to reach the second hole. The placement of the start points do not allow for straight access.
    • Should not that this course had black dots to place the ball on to start and not mats. Always a plus.
  • Alicia struggled a bit on this hole. Hit her second shot a bit too firm and then it was a back-and-forth battle. We have all been there. It stinks. We all empathize.
    • Should not that this course had black dots to place the ball on to start and not mats. Always a plus.

ALICIA: 5 | 7
EMMA: 2 | 4
JAKE:  2 | 5
STANKO: 2 | 4

“BREWSTER”
HOLE THREE | PAR THREE

  • Twos all around on hole three.
  • The hilly bits atop the hill all funneled our initial shots towards the cup, and everyone took advantage. Yea for everyone.

ALICIA: 2 | 9
EMMA: 2 | 6
JAKE: 2 | 7
STANKO: 2 | 6

“WELLFLEET”
HOLE FOUR | PAR TWO

  • Hole four is basically the same setup as hole three, but without the funneling hills on top. That didn’t bother anyone. Everyone still got twos. HUZZAH!

ALICIA: 2 | 11
EMMA: 2 | 8
JAKE: 2 | 9
STANKO: 2 | 8

“TRURO”
HOLE FIVE | PAR THREE

  • A par three, but we all said fuck that shit. We are all hopping on the birdie train. This hole was just long. That was really it. It was very, very straightforward. Get it? Because the hole was straight.
  • Everyone got twos for the second third straight hole. We are all playing good mini golf.

ALICIA: 2 | 13
EMMA: 2 | 10
JAKE: 2 | 11
STANKO: 2 | 10

“PROVINCETOWN”
HOLE SIX | PAR TWO

  • A few people got tripped up on the sixth hole, myself being one of them.
  • There is a little bit of a hill in the middle of this hole and I did not do a good job of judging the slant of the hill. I had a long second putt, and I just missed it. Is what it is.
  • Emma and Alicia both got twos on this hole. Credit to the ladies. They led the way.

ALICIA: 2 | 15
EMMA: 2 | 12
JAKE: 3 | 14
STANKO: 3 | 13

“CHATHAM”
HOLE SEVEN | PAR FOUR

  • On hole six the ladies won, but hole seven was a men’s victory tour.
  • The only par four on the course is the only two tier hole on the course.
  • Emma went first on this hole and hit it out of bound on her first shot trying to get the correct curve into the first hole. Tough luck. We all learned from her.
  • The best part about this hole is that we learned about Rory, the devilishly handsome child wearing a small baseball cap. He just wanted to play with us and he even picked up Emma’s ball. Emma was blessed by Rory.

ALICIA: 4 | 19
EMMA: 4 | 16
JAKE: 3 | 17
STANKO: 3 | 16

“DENNIS”
HOLE EIGHT | PAR THREE

  • Another long par three hole. This one is a bit tougher than hole three because the hole is tucked to the left behind a little wood protected out clove.
  • A pretty standard hole. Emma and I got twos while Jake and Alicia got threes.
  • The thing about this hole is that it had gorgeous flowers, and it was where I first noticed that the hedges are gloriously trimmed.

ALICIA: 3 | 22
EMMA: 2 | 18
JAKE: 3 | 20
STANKO: 2 | 18

“YARMOUTH”
HOLE NINE | PAR THREE

  • We close out the front nine with a par three that may have been the hardest hole on the course. At least design wise.
  • The hole just curves like an evil asp. I hit my shot short, and everyone ended up in tough spots frankly.
  • It was three across the board for everyone. This one was tough. 

ALICIA: 3 | 25
EMMA: 3 | 21
JAKE: 3 | 23
STANKO: 3 | 21

“HARWICH”
HOLE TEN | PAR THREE

  • FIRST HOLE IN ONE OF THE DAY!!!
  • I got a hole on one, and everyone else got twos. It was a very nice and easy hole, but not an easy one to get a hole in if I am being frank.
  • Two little wood trunks blog the hole, but if you bounce off the back wall correctly then you are in good shape. I went to the right and ricocheted to the left. I got lucky. 
  • Overall a fantastic scoring hole for everyone. Happy days.

ALICIA: 2 | 27
EMMA: 2 | 23
JAKE: 2 | 25
STANKO: 1 | 22

“BARNSTABLE”
HOLE ELEVEN | PAR THREE

  • After I got the hole in one on hole ten, I lost my stroke advantage here on hole eleven.
  • The relatively straightforward hole has a hill in front of the hole that you need to get the correct pace on. I hit it too hard, and the others learned from me. Tap ins all around but I missed a three footer so hole in one is squandered.
  • There are a lot of little hills on this mini golf course that force you to play with the pace. Trial and error. Whomever goes first has to take that risk.

ALICIA: 2 | 29
EMMA: 2 | 25
JAKE: 2 | 27
STANKO: 3 | 25

“SANDWICH”
HOLE TWELVE | PAR THREE

  • MORE HOLES IN ONES!
  • Jake and I both got ones on hole twelve. I think that is fitting because we spent time in Sandwich this week.
  • The hole is an uphill par three, but once you get it up the hill it is pretty straight forward. There is a big hole that rolls to the right and then a slope behind the hole pushes the golf ball back toward the cup.
    • Jake and I used this to our advantage.
  • Emma got a two on this hole, and Alicia unfortunately struggled to get the ball up the hill the first time.

ALICIA: 5 | 34
EMMA: 2 | 27
JAKE: 1 | 28
STANKO: 1 | 26

“MASHPEE”
HOLE THIRTEEN | PAR TWO

  • Hole thirteen was the hole where I realized that Jake had a solid chance at being a winner at the end of the day.
  • I made a major boo-boo and did not get my ball up the two hills. One should just want to to get the ball on the top tier and trust your second shot. Don’t try to be too perfect. I tried to be too fancy. Have to remember that it is mini golf!
  • Emma and Jake both got the ball up there and scored par twos. Alicia and I got bogeys. Sad day.

ALICIA: 3 | 37
EMMA: 2 | 29
JAKE: 2 | 30
STANKO: 3 | 29

“FALMOUTH”
HOLE FOURTEEN | PAR THREE

  • I sure had a foul mouth at “Falmouth.” This hole did not agree with me, and it was a challenge for everyone.
  • Hole fourteen has a classic double-breaker where you need to ride the hills with the correct power to get the ball near the cup.
  • Jake and I did not hit it with enough force and we left balls stranded atop the second of three hills. I hit my second one long, missed my third, and tapped in four a bogey four. Jake hit his second on short, pushed his third, and also cued up a four.
  • Alicia and Emma both recorded threes on this hole, but they went about it in different ways. Alicia learned from my mistake and definitely hit it with enough force to got it near the hole.
    • Emma on the other hand had an adventure. Her first shot went over the brick wall, bounced back, and then came to rest on top of a brick. She was technically out of bounds, but she was able to make a play so we let her play. She hit it with the top of the putter, and then had a great third putt to save par.
      • This was Emma’s best hole.

ALICIA: 3 | 40
EMMA: 3 | 32
JAKE: 4 | 34
STANKO: 4 | 33

“BOURNE”
HOLE FIFTEEN | PAR TWO

  • Emma and I missed an opportunity on this hole. We did not see the team name until after the fact. Could have had a fun “Jesus Christ?!”
  • When we approached this hole it looked a little bit like a deformed penis.
  • The pain train continued for myself as I missed another short put that would have been for par. Meanwhile Jake and Emma are riding the two trains and having good bounce backs from the last hole.
  • This hole had a bit of a double hill, in the front it dipped and then in the back you needed to rise over it.

ALICIA: 3 | 43
EMMA: 2 | 34
JAKE: 2 | 36
STANKO: 3 | 36

“PLYMOUTH”
HOLE SIXTEEN | PAR THREE

  • Everyone got three on this hole. Whoever designed this hole put a hole right in the middle of the path and that hill had no predictability whatsoever. Everyone went which way over the hill, and nobody made their second putts.
  • This hole will haunt me because Emma went before me and I saw her miss it and I knew I had a chance to gain a stroke…but my putt slipped out. Pain. Pain and suffering. Just a terrible tragedy
    • To be fair Emma’s second putt also lipped out. I guess karma got the both of us.
ALICIA: 3 | 46
EMMA: 3 |  37
JAKE: 3 | 39
STANKO: 3 | 39

“MARTHA’S VINEYARD”
HOLE SEVENTEEN | PAR TWO

  • Emma opened the door on the 17th. And it is partially Alicia’s fault.
  • 17 was an uphill hole with a soft grass backstop. Jake led the charge and went first, I went second, and Emma went third. Emma got a tough bump off the back, and then Alicia was ruthless and hit Emma’s ball (by accident) further away. Emma was stuck in the corner, so she had a tough put out, and it went into the opposite corner.
  • In the end Emma ended up with a four, and Jake had a three, which proved to be crucial come the final scorecard. But we didn’t know it at the time.

ALICIA: 2 | 48
EMMA: 4 | 41
JAKE: 3 | 42
STANKO: 2 | 41

“NANTUCKET”
HOLE EIGHTEEN | PAR THREE

  • Glory. Disaster. Triumph. Despair. All of the emotions on hole 18.
  • The mistake, or smart thing I did was not add up any of the scores on the course. We went into hole 18 completely blind. And it led to immense drama.
  • On the last hole you need to use water. Water is your friend. We all hit the ball through a downhill area into a little river that shoots the ball out toward the final funnel hole.
  • In a horrendous turn of events for myself, I got a three on the 18th hole. My ball did not come out of the water with a lot of velocity and I had the longest second shot and I missed it.
  • This opened the door for Emma, and she took full advantage. Emma sinks her second putt, and as a result, Ms. Emma Chassangoux is the victor of the first annual Chassagnoux/Stanko/Mule Cape Cod Mini Golf Invitational.
  • We tabulated the results as we walked over to a candy shop, but Emma didn’t need to get anything because she has the sweet taste of victory to soak in.

ALICIA: 3 | 51
EMMA: 2 | 43
JAKE: 2 | 44
STANKO: 3 | 44

“I would like to thank my cat. Bogey.”

Emma’s Championship Acceptance Speech.

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