WE ARE WATCHING THIS LIVE. Fuck the 9:00 PM EST start time. Emma, myself, and two of our friends are all on vacation together in Cape Cod right now and we decided that we would stay up and scream at the TV with the rest of the world. It was a glorious time. This was a really good episode of The Bachelorette. We had Dotun just continuing to be the kindest soul, followed by Brayden being a kindergartener acting up in the woods. We had Xavier save a one-on–one date from disaster and then more Brayden drama because he just can’t help himself. There was a lot going on, including an evil villain montage walk in sandals. 

Also, arguably the best part of last night was that they announced the show is going back to 8 PM EST start time. OUTSTANDING NEWS!

PREAMBLE: PRAISE WASHINGTON

• We just need to pay homage to how gorgeous this resort in Washington is. I do not remember the name of it, so no free ads, but this show really put in a good two minutes to make sure that they made their residence sponsor happy. THe views were outstanding. Tons of fireplaces. The dreary weather. All of it I loved. I am not even a super outdoorsy guy, but in terms of just a vibes aesthetic, this place hits every note with perfect pitch.

DOTUN ONE-ON-ONE DATE

• Dotun gets the one-on-one! Let’s go!! FUCKING REJOICE!
• Before we get to that, we need to touch on how good Jesse Palmer looked in his sweater. Emma thinks he had more facial hair than normal, which made him look hotter and more full.
  • There is some bigfoot talk with him and BigFoot is inserted into the show at various points; they just needed to establish the motif at this point in the show.
• During this preamble and discussion, we have Brayden there being all Debbie-downer and energy vampire.
  • “THEY DON’T KNOW HER FAVORITE COLOR!” – what a line from Brayden.
    • It is blue, in case you are wondering.
  • THis is all stemming from the fact that some of the guys are saying they have a really good connection but Brayden is telling the camera in interviews that he doesn’t see how they can have those connections because they have barely spent any time together with her.
    • Brayden sees himself elevated because he got the first impression rose and he has gotten a one-on-one date as well.
  • Brayden is really mocking Sean during this whole tirade as well.
    • Sean is starting to talk too much, but Brayden, come on man, you are better than this. Well not really, but you should know better.
• So Charity picks Dotun up for the date in a bright yellow Jeep and it is hilarious to watch Dotun get into this car where he is like a giraffe peeking out of the sun roof.
• Charity and Dotun are going bungee jumping off a super tall bridge that is about 20 stories over some white water rapids.
  • Here in Cape Cod, Emma and company immediately said that they would not take part in this date. They would just decline.
  • Dotun made it known in the car that he is scared of hiking and heights, so this is not up his alley.
    • But Charity is down worse. She is super-duper nervous. She is tearing up because she is so nervous.
  • Massive credit to Dotun with this experience because he is scared but he is reassuring to Charity and he knows damn well that she needs it. It looks like she is shaking!
  • These two do a jump and Dotun is the one who propels them off the ledge. He takes the leap of faith, and Charity really, really appreciates it.
    • Charity reaches up wayyyyy high for a kiss when they get back up top.
  • Charity wants to jump off twice! They do it twice! Good for you two love birds. We are happy for them!!
• While Dotun and Charity are jumping off a tall bridge, they are stewing the drama in the lodge. Aaron B. is talking with Joey and Brayden is talking with Xavier about all the drama they were embroiled in. It was something just setting the scene for the group date that was to come.
• Let’s get to Dotun and Charity had a REAL dinner date! It was a legit fun second half portion of the one-on-one date. The fireplace, marshmallow and wine vibes are excellent. We love that! I love that!
  • Dotun thrived in this environment as well. He talked to Charity with his arm around her, and he made her CRY AGAIN!
    • This man just talks so eloquently about how much he likes Charity that he makes her cry! 
  • Charity is so smitten. She can not stop smiling. She is all about this.
  • This is Dotun’s first ever s’more! Good for him!
    • The Lady and the Tramp of the S’more was not necessary.
• The end the date with hot tub make out session
  • Dotun has fantastic arms. Did not think he would be as yolked as he is.

GROUP DATE IN THE WOODS

• Group Date In The Woods.
• This group date has everyone except Dotun…and Xavier! Xavier gets the one-on-one, and we are here for it.
• Sean is not dressed for a walk in the woods.
• Brayden thinks that not wearing a jacket makes him manly.
  • But Brayden is carrying a stick which is exactly what I would do as well.
• Aaron. B does not have the right shoes on at all.
• Emma thought that John’s outfit was outstanding.
• The fucking kids. The fucking girl scouts.
  • The major issue I have with the kids is that they were not being kids. They were acting.
  • This is not like when Michelle had her own students during her season. There was an actual connection there. This time, there is none of that. Just random girls.
  • The only girl that is somewhat redeemable is Arya…the blonde one? She eventually does a demon voice when Sean calls them demons for the questions they were asking. That made me laugh a lot.
• So the children are designated to judge two tasks.
  • The first challenge was for the men to go into the woods and pick up things…? Edible things? I didn’t understand this. It was a lot of scrounging around for things people didn’t understand.
    • During this challenge, Brayden is high on life. He is bouncing around testing the barriers of the camera and his fellow contestant’s patience.
    • Aaron B. steps into a river with a really nice shoe. He is now forever wet. There is nothing he can do. He has swamp feet.
    • During the showcasing of the earthy findings, Brayden bites into a beet with obnoxious intent when Aaron B. is presenting just to keep the petty wars going. 
    • During this challenge the girls ask Charity who is the smartest and they throw Brayden out there as an answer…and Charity is quick to say that Brayden is not the smartest.
    • Someone says “Brayden, do less bro.” and it was great.
      • This was the first of many bro-offs we will get.
  • The second challenge is a series of questions. Frankly, it is very similar to what Rachel and Gabby did earlier this season.
    • The best part of this sequence is when the kids ask the fellas who they would eat if they had to survive…and all of them said Brayden.
      • CHARITY, THIS IS YOUR RED FLAG ALERT. YOU SEEING THIS?? NOBODY LIKES HIM
      • Brayden tries to take this in stride…but that is not going to last long.
  • According to the kids, Aaron B. had the best performance so he gets to have special access to the Kissing Tree with Charity while the rest of the fellas have to go home.
    • OUCH! Brayden was saying Aaron stood no chance with this date, but then he wins? Time to set off all the “Bros” you possibly can.
  • How the fuck did Brayden lose his shirt?
• Now we get to the dinner portion of this group date, and again it turns into a showdown of testosterone. Finally, Charity has seen enough of it.
  • Before Charity even enters the room, bickering begins to take place. Brayden is on the defensive and is raising his voice. Aaron B. is the voice of the frustrated. They are talking aggressively to each other with other people chiming in.
    • Sean had a great question about how Brayden could feel the way he feels about “not knowing” but also “confidence” when he has had the most time with Charity?
      • Sean’s point is that other people have not had a one-on-one date yet but they believe in this process of the show. So what does that say about Brayden?
  • So now Charity enters the room, and she is wearing red. I don’t know if that was on purpose or not, but the color of passion and rage really radiates off of her when she has a glare.
    • Charity confronts them all, asks what is happening, and then pulls Brayden aside because she has to. Again.
    • MICHAEL YOU FOOL! While Brayden is being talked at by Charity (which he deserves), Michael TOUCHED THE ROSE on the table you KNOW this is a bad idea.
      • He has 100% jinxed himself. Zero shot. He is getting more time this episode, but that is only a numbers game. He is 100% going home now.
  • Alright the Charity and Brayden conversation. Compared to other talks Charity is holding firm, and Brayden is paddling to save his life. I think when he sees the look that is in Charity’s eyes…he ultimately pulls the plug
    • Brayden says that he likes Charity but that he does not want to be here any more.
      • Charity almost looks relieved that she gets to walk him out. It is like a giant PHEW.
  • You want to know who is the happiest that Brayden is gone? All of the other fellas.
    • Charity has never looked so good to those men when she said that Brayden is gone.
  • So what else happened during the even portion of this date?
    • We saw absolutely nothing of Caleb. In the dinner portion or during the date.
      • He is the only person I was confident would be sent home.
      • Emma raised a good point while we were watching; did Caleb ever kiss Charity?
  • Joey has a cute conversation and the ladies in the room I was watching with LOVEEEDDDD the kiss that they had.
    • And for this, Joey gets the group date rose! What a fucking huge moment! Had no idea this was coming! Never would have thought. I thought it would have been Aaron for brining Brayden up and Charity loves the protective type.
• Somewhere in the world, Nehemiah is telling the world “I told you so!”

XAVIER SAVES THE ONE-ON-ONE

• Charity is so in her head this date. It is nuts. Simply crazy.
  • Before we even jump into this date, we need to acknowledge that the whole thing is shrouded by the fact that Xavier reminds Charity of her exes because…he says nice things and the way he looks?
    • What other traits make them similar? What about the bad things about the exes? We need something more than just a passing “reminder” comment. Come on Charity!!
• Xavier and Charity are going to the local flair with a fruit festival.
  • This would seem like a rather boring date, but if there is any man who can make the most of it, it is Xavier. This man loves to knit, so I just get the sense at a market right up his alley.
    • I bet the strawberries tasted so good!
  • They do various activities around the festival…including apple picking.
    • Can you pick up the apples from the stem in apple picking? That seems a little bit unfair, if I am being honest.
    • But again it is Xavier being good at a competition like he was with dodgeball.
  • During this portion of the one-on-one date, Charity just doesn’t seem enthusiastic at all.
    • Xavier is doing the heavy lifting here. This is a good thing if he can make his way out of it because Charity knows she can have a tough day and still be happy. 
    • ###
  • I think that Charity is in her own head because of all the Brayden drama, so I think that Brayden is partially to blame for Charity now consciously giving her all to this date.
  • But you know what, it doesn’t really matter because Xavier is good at what he does. He is doing nothing wrong, and he is sticking to himself, and that is good.
  • Once it gets to the dinner portion of this date, things start going back according to plan because Xavier starts opening up and Charity begins relaxing.
    • I think the major difference is that Charity’s ex was great on the surface but not very open and deep. Xavier calmed those worries with being very open and being very soft with his honesty.
      • Xavier talking about his mom and dad’s relationship. His mom has MS, so his dad takes care of her and that is his inspiration, and then that is what inspired him to go to medical school to care for his mom.
        • The story is just outstanding. There is nothing to hate about it. All of it has good vibes.
  • It all evens out in the end and Xavier gets the rose as he should. Charity’s worries are vanquished to the outer realm.
• Also of note, we had a frog inside our of AirBnB at this point. It was a bit of a five minute roller coaster ride. 

THE VILLAIN IN SANDALS

• The vibes of the cocktail party seem pretty nice. Everyone is confident that this is going to be the least dramatic cocktail party because Brayden isn’t here.
  • Well, we know that is going to change. We know that we need to have the villain appear.
• I do have to ask. What the fuck is up with the walking on the treadmill before the cocktail party?? That doesn’t seem legit at all.
• I am going to be honest here. This is a problem for me. I don’t like Aaron. I don’t like people who feel it is their need to protect other people’s feelings. That is not how I handle my young sisters. That is not how I would like to be handled. I feel like people should make and learn their own mistakes and Aaron isn’t allowing Charity to pick things up herself.
• Okay, here it comes. Here comes the mandatory producer influenced villain interference.
  • Brayden is walking the woods, towards the cocktail party…IN SANDALS?? And he calls himself a woodsman?
  • Brayden is working his classic big scarf, earring, relaxed but trying to be a cool guy outfit. 
  • Brayden walks into the cocktail party and walks right past ALL the guys and doesn’t even say a word. Not single peep. Nothing. Nothing at all.
    • People call this classless and unmanly. I think this is him trying not to make a scene, but he is already making a scene interesting himself into this situation so he should really have just embraced it. He did not.
  • It is hilarious when Brayden enters the wrong room and says “That’s not the right room.”
  • Another fantastic line from this is Sean going “This is cashmere.” when asked why his scarf was different from Brayden’s. I don’t love Sean, but I do love that line.
  • Brayden eventually finds where Charity is. And she is just making out with John. She is just macking away, having a great time. She is smiling and laughing. There is no audio. No sound. Just the sound of kissing and Brayden watching on. It is SO AWKWARD. I DO NOT LIKE IT.
    • John gets up, returns to the rest of the gentleman, who all then complain about Brayden.
      • This is where I finally come to the realization that Sean is talking too much. He is getting far too confident in front of the camera. He is starting to think that he is the main character. 
  • Alright so Brayden is talking to Charity…but I have…why?
    • Is he apologizing? Is that it? Is that all? Did he stir up all of this shit just so he can try and end things better.
      • HE IS FUCKING HIMSELF SO HARD. When he left the first time, he could say it was on his own terms. Those terms may have been confusing, but still his terms. NOW he is putting it back in Charity’s court and she is swatting him into the third deck. Dude, you could have tried putting a spin zone on this…but now you can’t. You fucked yourself, and in the process you are fucking everybody else over.
  • We have another BRO off!
    • Brayden walks by the group again and Aaron makes this worse by standing up and getting in Brayden’s way as he walks by. There is a slight bump, and then there is screaming and drama.
      • Brayden threatens to throw hands and everyone else is asking why he is still there.
        • Well guys, he is still there because you are yelling at him in the car. That seems to be the reason he is still there.
    • This whole thing was a dick measuring contest and everyone came out with micro dicks.

ROSE CEREMONY

• We say goodbye to four people this week in total, three from the rose ceremony.
• Adios to Brayden, who really screwed the pooch on how he exited.
  • He could have had the argument that he ended it on his own terms which would allow him to keep some dignity in his own mind. But him returning to apologize and knowing that it would create more drama makes him the same attention seeker he has been the whole show.
• In terms of the normal rose ceremony, we say goodbye to Michael, Caleb, and JOHN??
  • Shocked that the John elimination happened. He had won a group date rose recently and he was doing alright for himself in terms of staying away from the drama. He will be well sought after on Paradise. He should go.
  • The only one I knew for sure that was going home was Caleb because during the group date we did not see his conversation with Charity, nor did we really see him in the woods.
  • Michael lasted a week longer than he should have, and as a friend said during the show: Charity knew she had to send him home when she saw the shirt he was wearing.

(MY) POWER RANKINGS

No. 6
Sean

(Last Week #9)

No. 5
Tanner

(Last Week #6)

No. 4
Aaron B.

(Last Week #7)

No. 3
Xavier

(Last Week #3)

No. 2
Joey

(Last Week #2)

No. 1
Dotun

(Last Week #1)

The Bachelorette‘s next episode is Monday, July 24th, 2023…at 8 PM again! Huzzah!

Stanko Excel Lists | Movies, Books, Podcasts. TV Shows

Ranking The Mission: Impossible Films: #7 – Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning (2023)

There is a lot happening in Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning. One could argue that there is too much going on.

by jstanko99 January 19, 2025November 21, 2024

Ranking The Mission: Impossible Films: #8 – Mission: Impossible II (2000)

Much maligned as the worst of the Mission: Impossible franchise, Mission: Impossible II doesn’t do itself any favors upon rewatch.

by jstanko99 January 17, 2025November 21, 2024

Four Shorty Reactions: “MaXXXine” (2024), “Monkey Man” (2024), “Raising Arizona” (1987), “Scoop” (2024)

MaXXXine (2024) “In 1980s Hollywood, adult film star and aspiring actress Maxine Minx finally gets her big break. But as a mysterious killer stalks the starlets of Hollywood, a trail of blood threatens to reveal her sinister past.” Director: Ti WestWriter: Ti WestCast: Mia Goth, Elizabeth Debicki, Halsey, Lily Collins, Kevin Bacon, Bob Cannavale, Michelle…

by jstanko99 January 9, 2025November 7, 2024

• Movie Specific
  • Miscellaneous
  • Movie Trailer Reactions
  • Podcasts
  • Reactions & Reviews
    • Movie Reactions: #-J
      • #’s
      • A’s
      • B’s
      • C’s
      • D’s
      • E’s
      • F’s
      • G’s
      • H’s
      • I’s
      • J’s
    • Movie Reactions: K-T
      • K’s
      • L’s
      • M’s
      • N’s
      • O’s
      • P’s
      • Q’s
      • R’s
      • S’s
      • T’s
    • Movie Reactions: U-Z
      • U’s
      • V’s
      • W’s
      • X’s
      • Z’s
  • Scene Appreciations
  • Academy Awards Related
• Podcasts
• Sport Specific
  • Baseball
  • Basketball
  • Football
  • General Topics
  • Golf
  • Iona Athletics
  • Podcasts
• STANKO MOVIE LIST
• Television Specific
  • Bachelor Universe
  • Episode Reactions
  • Generic Topics
  • Podcasts
  • Reactions
  • Season/Series Reactions
  • Star Wars
  • TV Show Trailer Reactions
• About
• Contact