We had a week off, so now let’s dive back into the pool of chaos that is this show.

THOUGHTS AFTER WEEK THREE

  • We are starting this episode off with the Cassidy drama. Queen bitch number two.
    • Clayton asks to speak with her after Seirra dropped the knowledge of her friends with benefit
    • Cassidy leaves the rose behind when going to talk to Clayton. She will not be picking it back up.
    • She starts out putting Clayton on the defensive, which is not the best way to argue. Clayton to his credit stayed his ground.
    • All the girls are gossiping as to how the conversation is going and only Sha-Nay-Nay is aligning with her evil mistress.
    • Clayton keeps on pressing her and eventually she tells the truth after straight up lying to his face. She acknowledges that she was on facetime with someone…and that was all that Clayton needed to hear.
      • He makes the very very valid point that they can not build off of this broken trust.
    • I had made a prediction before the show that Clayton would get the truth, ask for the rose back, and then Cassidy would just storm off in a blaze a glory. Luckily Clayton did the right thing and just got rid of it all.
    • There is just one more point that we really do have to point out: What the fuck was the “Thank You” then kiss on the cheek? That was just terribly awkward.
    • They say that “the poison” is gone. CUE THE CUT TO SHA-NAY-NAY!
  • Now we finally have this rose ceremony
    • Clayton had a genuine smile for Gabby when she came up, that was cute.
    • Rachel’s dress was bad.
    • Seirra was worried about her rose, but she was a for-sure-shoe-in.
    • Who is this Hunter? I do not know her. But we are going to get more of her with all of this screen time.
    • Tessa is gone. Bye-bye Stamford. Insert sad face.
    • There are 18 girls after this rose ceremony
  • What was this very strange score happening with Sha-Nay-Nay? Why the electric horror such vibe.
  • We came back with a viewer discretion is advised, so here comes so heavy shit.
  • Hunter is getting more and more screen time.
  • Clayton said the following: “I am very excited to spend time with these women today.”
    • I mean can you be any more vague than this!
  • And here it is…here is the therapy session. We saw Nick Vail do this and now it is time for Katelyn Bristowe to do it.
    • Is she qualified to do this? Are we sure? There should be somebody who is well trained for it.
    • Now we have the tears.
    • Why the stand up if you have felt victimized about your body? Why not just raise hand?
    • Well, Hunter’s ex-boyfriend is a giant fucking asshole.
      • Having to get contacts to change your eye color is a fucking disgrace. He seems like a horrendous person. Just disgusting behavior
      • Part of me hopes he is crushed by the weights that he forced Hunter to lift.
    • So Clayton talks about how he was objectified for his body and was made fun of for it. And all the women are utterly shocked. Should they be?
      • I think is is kind of naïve to the girls. Every guy goes through this. Now, I do agree that guys do not talk about this often. That is the truth.
    • Ah yes, the group hug at the end. Needs to be. Needs to happen.
  • The ending of this group date is relatively free of any drama. That is because they saved it all the end.
    • Susie’s dress was not great. I still love her.
    • Mara looks great. What an outfit.
    • In the midst of all this we get Sarah getting the one-on-one.
    • Had no idea who was getting the group date rose and it turns out to be Eliza. Have no ill will there, nobody stood out and nobody was terribly bad.
  • Sarah’s one-on-one date turns into my worst nightmare
    • It all starts out well and good with Becca showing up. Still think that she is just gorgeous.
      • There are some random cutaways to her sitting on a stoop which was weird.
    • Clayton wears a lot of pink but Sarah’s dress is really cute.
    • So Sarah and Clayton need to just scamper around Los Angeles in their skivvies answering questions and embarrassing themselves
      • This is the worsttttttt
      • Why not bathing suits? Why underwear and not bathing suits? Just because it sounds more scantly and adventurous?
      • They gave them matching underwear sets
    • I still can’t get how awkward this is. I thought that Becca was kidding.
    • So Sarah’s biggest fear is not finding her person? She is 23 years old, there is plenty of time. She is still so young on this show.
      • Should there be a age limit on this show? Maybe 25 years old?
    • This singing into the microphone in the middle of a public place in your underwear was something that I had to turn away from. I heard Clayton singing, and I just had to run away from it as much as possible.
    • The Van Gogh museum they go to for dinner is very pretty. Very pretty.
    • Sarah has the heart warming story about being adopted and but having to overcome how different she was.
      • Clayton pulled a Matt: “Thank You For Sharing That.”
    • The orchestra concert at the end is much much nicer than the singing. I like that.
  • So while this one-on-one date is happening, we are having some massive drama at the house…surrounding shrimp.
    • So Sha-Nay-Nay is still the fucking worst.
    • Elizabeth makes shrimp for the house and Sha-Nay-Nay takes far to large a sampling out of pure spite. Strictly because she was hungry.
    • Elizabeth is getting the praise for making the shrimp, so then Sha-Nay-Nay tries to make some herself and does so but no one gives a flying fuck.
      • Cue Sha-Nay-Nay rage.
    • It was shocking that we saw the ladies cooking. Normal human activity.
  • This last group date is a beach date that immediately takes a Baywatch theme.
    • After playing some pick-up football, Nicole Eggert drives up on a beach ATV and does the classic hair flip. There is also some music that is definitely related to the show that I just don’t know.
      • Gabby knows Eggert though and she geeks out a bit.
      • Gabby handles meeting an idol of hers so much better than Cassidy did with Hillary Duff.
    • I am really starting to like Gabby more. She has these stupid phrases and she is infectiously optimistic
      • She had the easy and fun little line to the CPR dummy about her phone number.
    • On the opposite of Gabby is Sha-Nay-Nay. I have written down: “Sha-Nay-Nay is a penis.”
    • So during this date they have to act out slow motion walks and it is a time for people to embrace themselves and their personalities.
      • Elizabeth does the classic jump into Clayton’s arms…and then Sha-Nay-Nay does the exact same thing but then makes the fuck out with Clayton.
        • She brags about how hot it was and how there was a little bit of tongue.
      • Did Clayton do the slow-motion run? She should have to.
      • Gabby gets the extra time with Clayton on the beach for dominating the Baywatch portion. It is rightfully deserved.
        • We really see when they are talking one-on-one how bad Clayton is sunburned. SHEESH.
    • Alright, the night portion of the group date is a perfect time to unfold the drama.
      • We should point out that Sierra, Elizabeth and Sha-Nay-Nay are all on this date, so the producers are just straight running it back.
        • Lyndsey straight up brings up how she did not have a good time on the last group date…and guess what girl…it is going to be happening again.
      • Before we get to the drama, let’s let Gabby shine again. She had aloe for Clayton and she applied it in a comedic you really need this mindset and not in a sexy one. It was realistic and adorable.
      • Let’s get to Sha-Nay-Nay being a rat-rat.
        • She says that Elizabeth is the leader of a revolt against her. When Sha-Nay-Nay is talking to the girls without Elizabeth around it is fine…but when she is around…no one talks to her.
          • Maybe people are just not talking when both in the room because it is incredibly awkward.
        • Can we also point out that Sha-Nay-Nay does all the exact same things that Elizabeth does?
          • She made shrimp after Elizabeth did. She did the sexy jump after Elizabeth did.
      • I think Sha-Nay-Nay is one of the worst villains I have ever seen, maybe the worst. She is so much worst than Victoria because she is purposely not being herself with Clayton and and playing up the evil mistress motif. Victoria, for all that is weird with her, was playing up a bit and that wasn’t her true self. Sha-Nay-Nay just seems evil.
      • So Sha-Nay-Nay really rats out Lyndsey (WHY????) and Elizabeth. Now Elizabeth (sorry Lyndsey, don’t think you are staying) has to defend her honor nonstop again and it is just bullshit.
      • Sierra comes back to the fray with an awesome “question, dear” comment directed at Sha-Nay-Nay. The shade is wonderful.
      • Gabby gets the group date rose and she really does ultimately deserve it. She was infectious with her smile and she was a shining light that was able to get through the darkness of the devil. (Sha-Nay-Nay, but you knew that.

POWER RANKINGS AFTER WEEK TWO

18. Shanae (Sha-Nay-Nay)

(Last Week 22)

What a raging bitch. While Cassidy knows the game, Sha-Nay-Nay is just a terrible person with no empathy or awareness.

#17. Melina

(Last Week 19)

The few times she spoke this episode really irked me. She was over cheery and over cheesy. She doesn’t have the charisma that Gabby has with the awkwardness.

16. Genevieve

(Last Week 18)

Genevieve did nothing of consequence this episode. She was invisible i feel.

15. Serena

(Last Week 17)

Like Genevieve, I don’t remember Serena having a big part.

14. Teddi

(Last Week 11)

After the first impression rose she has dwindled in the eyes of Clayton and of me.

13. Lyndsey W.

(Last Week 12)

Poor Lyndsey. She is being wrapped into the mess with Elizabeth and Sha-Nay-Nay and that is all we really know about her.

12. Marlena

(Last Week 14)

I want the show to show Marlena and her athletic ability. Maybe it will be the football date next week.

11. Hunter

(Last Week 20)

We know something about Hunter!! It was a sad story, but it was illuminating and everyone is rightfully on her side.

10. Jill

(Last Week 13)

Very cute and quietly funny.Still remember her cat comment.

9. Mara

(Last Week 10)

She looked great at the cocktail party of her group date. She also has a glare that is wonderful. She must feel powerful that Cassidy went home.

8. Kira

(Last Week 8)

Kira is beautiful but we have seen no connection with Clayton yet.

7. Rachel

(Last Week 4)

I had much higher hopes for Rachel but she hasn’t done much since the first episode. I still find her very attractive so that may be a little bias from me.

6. Gabby

(Last Week 15)

Alright fine, you have officially won me over Gabby. She is so self-aware and she is not afraid to act out. She has risen every week and will continue to do so until I say otherwise.

5. Sierra

(Last Week 7)

She is the master manipulator and is not afraid to stir up the pod endlessly. Her “Question Dear” is maybe the highlight of the episode.

4. Eliza

(Last Week 5)

The group date rose means something when the entire date goes well for everyone. She is rising up.

3. Sarah

(Last Week 3)

I do not think that Sarah has a shot at winning it all, but where she is right now, she is killing it. A great one-on-one date and she is just cute as a button.

2. Elizabeth

(Last Week 2)

She is doing the best she can trying to fend off the venom of Sha-Nay-Nay. She is doing a hell of a job.

1. Susie

(Last Week 1)

I still love Susie. She did nothing to take herself off the top of the pedestal.

The next episode of The Bachelor airs on Monday, January 31 at 8 PM ET on ABC.


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