This is not a debate between Poland Springs, Dasani, Aquafina, Fiji, evian…I could go on. That is not what I am addressing here.

Let’s back-up quick. This is another fictional debate topic that I brought up with my girlfriend. Normally she rolls her eyes at me and just asks “why?”, but even this one peeked her interest! (I think, don’t quote me). The only one that I know she truly hates is my debate on the “best type of lights”, which will be coming at a later date.

I am here to raise awareness for how distressing unwanted water and liquids can be. Everyone knows how distressing it is when there is an unexpected splash or spurt that wets one’s skin, clothes, or belongings. Nobody wants to desperately race to find a towel to dry oneself off.

These are some of the worst case scenarios that everyone can experience. When water wreaks havoc on your routine, where the little live-giving substance known as H20 decides to heat your emotions to the boiling point.


Spoon Attack

This is simple. We are starting simple.

Everyone has washes dishes and realized with too-late horror that their face and shirt is stained with disappointment and embarrassment. There are efforts made to avoid the splatter of water onto your already sorrowful clothes, but the simple utterance of a phrase in one’s direction can avert the washer from their needed unwavering attention. We are not Neo. No one is The One. It’s the spoon that bends us towards its will, and sad annoyance is its only mission.


Attack From The Deep

Picture this.

It’s a morning after a big snow storm. The air is crisp, cold, and clean. You are walking on the sidewalk on your way to work. Your scarf is wrapped tightly your neck, protecting you from the cold. The sun is providing just enough warmth to make your beanie hat feel a teenie bit too much. The shoes you have on are trudging through the sludge and crunching the snow.

All of sudden there is no crunch. There is only a *SCHLOOOP*. Your foot is suddenly 2 feet deep in wet snow and the seeping cold water that betrayed your trust is soaking your footwear and ensuring that the remainder of your day is ruined.


Nothing Refreshing About It

It is heat of summer. The high noon sun is soaking the pavement with molten lava and all you want to do is run through pain and jump into a refreshing vat of chlorine filled water…AKA a pool.

All you want to do feel that cool water hit your skin and give you some instant satisfaction.

NOPE. NOT TODAY, HAPPINESS. TODAY, YOU GET ICKINESS!

There are few worst things than going into a pool that’s water is as hot, or even hotter than the air around it. You are out of the pool and you sweat. You go into the pool, and you sweat. You get out of the pool, and it feels like that towel is sweating on you.

When this refreshment is most wanted and swiped away from you, then it is time to riot and go get a gatorade.


Camouflage Surprise

Water tends to get splashed when cleaning around the house, in particular in the bathroom and kitchen. These two surfaces are normally tiles and of a more pale color.

Water has this nasty thing about being transparent. It hides from you. It likes to pounce when you think you are all done…and even more so when you have socks on.

This Camouflage Surprise is when you leave a room thinking there is no puddle there, but come back to feel yourself seeping into the uncomfortable feeling of being drenched with embarrassment and unfortunateness.


HOW’D IT GET UNDER THE SCREEN??

I put this one in all caps because it annoys me a lot more than others. And maybe this one is to specific. If, tough cookies.

When someone, some way, water gets underneath a phone case and wreaks having on any swiping or typing. With me this happens most often when I come back from a run and sweat somehow inserts itself between my arm band. I will wipe my phone off and think it is dry…but once that case goes back one…SOMEHOW THE LIQUED IS BACK!

Trying to type when your keyboard is ruined is a top-tier low-level annoyance level problem.


Splish Splash – A Ruined Shirt You Have

A spin off of the spoon attack, but more brutal.

Your waist and tummy is leaning against the counter as you are wiping down a pan that once contained baked chicken. You are scraping of the dregs when you feel you a moistness creeping on your skin.

Without knowing it, you have been slowly leaking water onto the counter in front of the sink and now you have a line of water just smiling at you while you stretch out your shirt to see the damage.

This even is THE WORST to happen when you are at someone else’s home and trying to help with the dishes. If you turn away from the sink and you have a soak stained shirt, you have to live with it. You have to own it.

God forbid its the winter too and it takes a while to dry. Just the worst.


The Spill.

Simple. Very simple.

You put your glass somewhere you think it is safe. You think it’s out of reach.

WRONG!

A overextended elbow or certain reflex of the foot can lead to the slo-mo “Ohhh fuccckkkk” moment. Now you are grabbing the paper towels and trying not to get your socks wet.

Extra terrible moment when it is right before you go to bed.


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