Alright, we have one episode in the books folks. We had some truly amazing stuff unfold over the course of the first two hours of Matt James’ season. We had some real heartfelt conversations and some controversial touchstones, all mixed in with lingerie, vibrators and fucking queens.

Below are MY power rankings of the remaining contestants vying for Matt James’ heart.

24. VICTORIA

Everything about her turns me off. She was drunk. Very drunk. She is only around now for the producers to manipulate.

23. Kristin

I don’t remember Kristin. That is either good because they are saving her, or it doesn’t bode well for her entertainment. But just didn’t get enough from her to remember her.

22. Kit

Her dress. What was her dress? And the boots with the dress??

21. Lauren

I think Lauren is going to be a tough nut too crack. I sense a natural introvert trying to fit into an extrovert world.

20. Marylynn

Her picture on the bio site on ABC.com doesn’t do her justice but still hasn’t left any positive impact on me.

19. Serena C.

I only remember her from the rose ceremony. Nothing else.

18. Mari

I wasn’t particularly struck by Mari, but Matt James LOVES her…he stared a lot.

17. Anna

Crazy eyes. She has crazy eyes and she will do something next episode that will garner attention.

16. Alana

She has attitude and snippety quirks. She terrifies me, but in a good way.

15. Sydney

Sydney is very loud and she has a huge smile. I think she’ll be loved as a “OH BE QUIET” type of person when arguments breakout.

14. Pieper

I am only putting Pieper this low because I wanted more from her. She looked stunning in the blue dress. I hope we get more of her.

13. Illeana

Really pretty but don’t remember her talking at all.

12. Magi

I think that Magi had UNIVERSAL approval rating?

11. Kaili

Well, she made an entrance, and of that you can not deny. I think she will be a star that will shine bright for a short time.

10. Sarah

Her story about her family tugs at the heartstrings and was gorgeous in that dress. But most importantly, she is trained for TV and it benefits her big time.

9. Khaylah

B-E-A-UTIFUAL!

8. Jessenia

I just think that Jessenia is cute as all hell.

7. SERENA P.

Serena P. seemed cool as a cucumber in the house talking with everyone and interacting with Matt. She is personable and charismatic.

6. CHELSEA

THAT DRESS THOUGH!

5. KATIE

Safe to say Katie left an imprint on America. She literally started the entire show and she got Matt doing lightsaber gestures with her quarantine BFF.

4. MJ

INSTANT CRUSH. Love her hair, love her entrance and how she embraced it. Also, she took Katie naming her vibrator “MJ” in stride.

3. Bri

Bri is smart as all hell, and she looked UNBELIAVABLY GOOD in that green dress. But I got the vibe she is incredibly smart.

2. Rachael

She got an extended intro when she came out of the limousine. I personally was not a major fan of her crying during Matt’s prayer, but no denying it is massive brownie points. She was atop my ranks to start and she only emphazised it.

1. Abigail

I mean it is hard to put anyone else here, right? A truly heartfelt storyteller and vulnerable with her being open about her deafness. She earned everyone’s first impression rose.

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