PRIMEVAL
Director: Michael Katleman
Writers: John Bracato, Michael Ferris

Stars: Dominic Purcell, Orlando Jones, Brooke Langton
Release Date: January 12, 2007

This movie STINKSSSS. Let me tell you, pure are simple. Primeval is atrocious on many, many, MANY levels. They story is over complicated, the acting is atrocious, the writing is dreadful, and the special effects are B-movie quality for a film that strove to be much more.

TV show producer Tim Manfrey (Dominic Purcell) leads his team down to Africa in quest for a story on a ginormous killer crocodile. Manfrey, Aviva Masters (Brooke Langton) and Steven Johnson (Orlando Jones) find themselves in trouble when the trouble a local warlord in addition to being chased by the prehistoric predator that goes by the name of Gustave.

Why, oh why, do we need the political background story in this movie? Why couldn’t Primeval just be a monster movie? It would have made it at least…tolerable?

If you want to know how in-poor-taste Primeval is; the overly stereotypical black character Steven Johnson says, “I’d never say this in front of a bunch of white people, but slavery was a good thing. Anything you gotta do to get the fuck out of Africa is OK with me.” CRINGEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Oh, then there is an earlier exchange like so:

Steven Johnson: [sees an random African in the airport] What up, my brother?
Steven Johnson: [guy stares at him] Well, fuck you, too.

Did I mention how the writing sucks?

Then there is the hero…Mr. Manfrey. Dominic Purcell, I have nothing against the man, but has he been in a good movie? Literally the only two roles I can remember him being tolerable in are Prison Break and the CW’s DC extended universe. The two connected threads between both those shows…Wentworth Miller.

The role of attractive female in distress goes to Brooke Langton. There is nothing to her character at all. Again, nothing against her, but the role written is just garbage.

Now the poor visual effects may just be a result of the year it was released, but to say they didn’t age well would be disingenuous. Just looking for some unfair comparisons, the nominations at the 2007 Oscars for Best Visual Effects where: Superman Returns (2006), Poseidon (2006), Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006).

If you are in need of a good crocodile movie, watch Crawl (2019) and skip Primeval. It’s not even a comparison.

Also, did not know that there was a show called Primeval that ran from 2007 till 2011 on BBC. There are five seasons and 36 episodes in case you are curious!

STANKO RATING: F (0.5/5 Stars)

“Primeval” IMDB
“Primeval” Rotten Tomatoes

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