PREAMBLE

Hey folks, I hope that everyone is well and enjoyed their weekend. I donโ€™t have much for a preamble. I did a lot of writing on Sunday while upsets ruled the day in the NFL. 

My brain is a tad bit fried from thank you cards. It is the worst thing about weddings. Trying not to write the same thing for every card is a strain on the membrane.

It is not often that just one team is undefeated in the league after two weeks. Parity, parity, parity. We had it last year, and it seems to be playing out again this year. Even if the games arenโ€™t necessarily close, the flip-flopping winning trends through the first two weeks should keep everyone engaged. Itโ€™s anyoneโ€™s league.

Let’s get going.

WEEK 2 SCOREBOARD

  • Ronan was projected to win after Thursday night after Josh Allen and Jaylen Waddle each scored single-digits. Then Sunday came. The Stanko running backs were all steady, and the extra cushion was provided on Sunday night with Nico Collins scoring a team-best 23.5 points and Kaโ€™imi Fairbairn booting 20.0 points. Ronan wants Sam LaPorta to come out of witness protection and is desperate for Cooper Kupp not to be too hurt.
  • Ritz comes out on top in week two because he has Alvin Kamara on his roster. When your starting running back scores four touchdowns, you will be in good shape. His four wide receivers also combined for the third most points for the position, which was a good counter to Lobo, who had both Justin Jefferson and Malik Nabers scoring over 20+ points.
  • Buzzi got fuckeeedddd, and Tom did the fucking. McLaughlin got a great start with Deโ€™Von Achane scoring 26.0 points, and then the late afternoon window on Sunday unleashed Marvin Harrison Jr. for 27.0 points. Tom also got a late-game touchdown from Davante Adams to push him over 20 points. Buzzi had four players score over 15 points. However, itโ€™s just tough luck going up against a team with one of its juggernaut weeks.
  • Steve comes away with the win, but can he be optimistic about it? Besides Kyler Murray and Breece Hall, the rest of the roster underperformed. None of his wide receivers scored 10+ points and Keon Coleman put up a goose egg. The brutal truth is that McGInnity played an inactive player in his roster. Kenneth Walker III was in street clothes, but he was in McGinnityโ€™s starting lineup. I’m not saying it would lead to a win for Matt, but it still would have been a better look to have him swapped out.
  • The battle of the Simon brothers was competitive, which is the best thing we can ask for. T-Si needed a miracle game from Saquon Barkley, but a second straight 30+ point game was not in the cards. Now, there is controversy about Barkley dropping what could have been a game-clinching catch. Jimmy started the week great with James Cook on Thursday night and got back up from DK Metcalfโ€™s 23.9 points on Sunday. And perhaps the injury to Evan Engram turned beneficial because Brock Bowers had a good week with 14.3 points.

WEEK 2 ANALYTICS

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  • Steve won this week despite having the second-lowest score. He played McGinnity, the only man he could have possibly bested.
  • Buzzi got hosed going up against McLaughlin. Although Buzzi had the third-highest point total in week two, he still has a 0-2 record.
  • The five winning teams all had top-five running back performances.
  • Stanko led the way in six different categories.
  • McGinnity has the dubious mark of being ranked last in six different categories.
  • There were five worst scores of the season thus far set in week two; there were two new bests set out over the course of the week.
Player Report Cards

Buzzi
Jimmy
Kultzow
Lobo
McGinnity
McLaughlin
Ritz
Ronan
Stanko
T-Si

ADDITIONAL WEEK 2 STATISTICS

AVERAGE MARGIN OF VICTORY BY WEEK
  • Week 1: 41.90
  • Week 2: 23.39
  • Average Margin Of Victory This Season Is 32.65
TOP FIVE WEEKLY TOTAL
  • Stanko – 149.16
  • McLaughlin – 144.42
  • Buzzi – 130.84
  • Ritz – 130.36
  • Jimmy – 124.20
LOWEST FIVE WEEKLY TOTAL
  • McGinnity – 71.98
  • Kultzow – 101.54
  • Ronan – 105.62
  • T-Si – 109.62
  • Lobo – 114.66
AVERAGE TEAM TOTALS PER WEEK
  • Week One: 114.46
  • Week Two: 118.24
  • Average Team Total This Season Is 116.35

WEEK 3 MATCHUPS

  • Lobo is dealing with injuries. He doesnโ€™t know if Justin Jefferson or David Njoku will be able to suit up. Iโ€™ve lost Cooper Kupp, so I will be diving into the bench to replace him. Both Lobo and I need our quarterbacks to bounce back after single-digit efforts in week two.
  • Buzzi needs a win after a great week two loss, and Ronan wants to get back on the winning track after going up against the leading scorer. There is a good chance the matchup will come down to the late-night games: the Chiefs at Atlanta on Sunday night and then Washington at Cincinnati on Monday night. Ronan has three players involved, and Buzzi has Patrick Mahomes.
  • We have two lovable loudmouths matching up in week three. McGinnity had a brutal week two. One where you throw away the tape. Ritz got his first win because of Alvin Kamara. However, Ritz has to worry about Tyreek Hill now that Tua Tagovailoa is out (possibly forever) and Travis Kelce has scored a total of 6.0 points over two weeks. McGinnity has everything riding on the Baltimore vs. Dallas matchup: he has six plays involved.
  • McLaughlin (via his press statement) is very confident one win can turn things around. He will try and make it two in a row against Jimmy. McLaughlin is dealing with injuries to Jake Ferguson and Deebo Samuel Sr. Jimmy may be praying that Jordan Love doesnโ€™t come around anytime soon so Josh Jacobs can get 32 carries again.
  • Steve won week two with the second-fewest points. You take the win and run away. T-Si loses to his brother, and loses Isiah Pacheco for what appears to be a real long time. Also, Joe Mixon is questionable? Thankfully, T-Si has J.K. Dobbins on his bench so he has a fill in. And one last note; I see Steve has inserted Rhamondre Stevenson into his starting lineup so I would love for him to score three touchdowns on Thursday.

TEAMS ON A BYE: None


STANDINGS

  • Some small notable movements in the standings following week two:
    • Buzzi moves from 8th to 10th despite having sixth most points scored. Buzzi has most points scored against thus far.
    • McGinnity dropped for 4th place to 9th place. McGinnity has the fewest points scored against him too.
    • McLaughlin climbed out of last and jumped from 10th to 7th.
  • The only team that has more than 44% of making the playoffs is myself, who is at 67%. No one else is above 50%, which speaks to the fact that mostly everyone is 1-1.
  • McGinnity has had the hardest drop in the power rankings, being second on draft day and now sitting in ninth.
  • T-Si has jumped from 10th in the early power rankings to second following week two. Ritz is currently third in the power rankings.

PUBLIC RELATIONS

“Not the strongest start to the week, but it’s how finish that matters. Sunday night proved massive with Nico Collins and Ka’imi Fairbairn. Also special shoutout to James Conner for his start to the season. The tea inside of Kittle Teapot is strong at the moment, but still plenty of things can go wrong. Have to keep sipping and moving forward.”

Jonathan Stanko – Manager of I’m A Kittle Teapot

“Nicholas Kamara Ritz.”

dramatic pause

“Eat a dick, Lobo.”

Mike Ritz – Manager of Dirty Mike And The Boys

“As I and the rest of the team predicted, the rust was shaken off this week, leading to a decisive victory. It was never a question of ‘if,’ but ‘when’ weโ€™d return to form. This season, weโ€™ve seen some injury concerns across the teamโ€”and, frankly, the leagueโ€”but Iโ€™ve got full confidence in my depth. The backups are more than capable of stepping up while the starters get a little extra rest ahead of my inevitable playoff push. On to next week, where weโ€™ll just keep proving why this team is built for greatness.”

Tom McLaughlin – Manager of My Glockz Out

“You always have a chance as long as you don’t score the least amount of points.”

Steve Kultzow – Manager of Reed The Reeem

“Good to get a W over vaunted rival T-Si, and into the win column on the season. We look forward to a competitive match up against My Glockz Out as we move into Week 3.”

Jimmy Simon – Manager of Jakobi And Meyers Law Offices

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