PREAMBLE

So here is something.

Last night, there were shots fired outside of Emma and I’s house. A couple bullets struck our house, and one went into the second floor. Emma and I had to give official statements, and it was hilarious because we walked outside and were literally in the middle of a crime scene. Evidence markers are littered in the street and down the road; there was blood in the street and stains on some cars.

It ended up being a wild night. It will probably get some coverage because we live in the middle of two schools; a middle school and a high school.

So, I did not get much sleep last night. Just so much commotion.

Please note the Personal Report Cards under the stats portion. It summarizes everyone’s week where they rank, and will be updated every week of the season so you can track trends or see how injuries affect, etc. Let me know if you have any questions.

Let’s get going.

WEEK 1 SCOREBOARD

  • It’s not often a rookie quarterback gets the best of a Super Bowl veteran, but such was a major factor in Gabe and I’s matchup. Jayden Danials outperformed Joe Burrow, and then I was buoyed by 32.0 points from Cooper Kupp to help push me over the edge. Nobody scored over 15 points for Gabe, so it was just a tough week all around. He is hoping the stack of Ja’Marr Chase and Burrow pays off.
  • Jack List’s top performer was Tyreek Hill with 26.0 points. That 80-yard career-long touchdown really came at an opportune time. Eric’s wide receivers combined for 12.9 points, and both of List’s WR slots tallied more points than that individually. I am curious where Eric will go for running back after Nick Chubb comes back for Cleveland and replaces Jerome Ford.
  • Just an absolute destruction here of Andrew Huntley by Timmy Drakeley. Drakeley had five players with 15+ points and three players with 22+ points. Andrew only had two 15+ point efforts, both from Miamia with Jaylen Waddle and Tua Tagovailoa.
  • Matthew Vaghi, the busiest GM of the entire league, earned a win in week one over Brick. Vaghi drafted Jordan Mason in the 14th round, and, man, did it pay off in week one. No Christian McCaffrey, no problem whatsoever. Can he rely on the backup for 23.2 points every week? No, no way, but in week one it was more than enough. Brick’s top performer was A.J. Brown with 22.9 points, followed by 19.0 points from the Dallas D/ST.
  • Kenney with some bad luck in his wide receiver position; Puca Nacua is out four weeks with a knee injury, and Amari Cooper has Deshaun Watson as his quarterback. Two absolutely terrible handicaps to a team’s success. Michaud starts 1-0 behind 26.08 points from Anthony Richardson. Who cares if he only had nine completions? They were absolutely electric.
  • Billy was the highest-scoring team of the week, which makes a lot of sense when he has the highest-scoring player of the week in Saquon Barkley with 34.2 points. Billy only had one player on his roster who scored less than 11.1 points. He even had 22.0 points from Jake Moody, the San Francisco kicker. Bove put up a very decent week, but just ran into a buzzsaw. I’m not sure he expected to get 26.0 points from the Chicago Bears defense, but it’s worthy of a golf clap. Also, Bove, no way Amon-Ra St. Brown will score just 4.3 points at home ever again.

WEEK 1 ANALYTICS

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  • Bove can be a bit miffed because technically he had a top six score but he went up against the highest scorer in the league.
  • The Drakeley’s both had the best weekly rank average this week.
    • Billy led the way leading the way in five different categories.
  • List won in week one, but Bove & Brick had better weekly averages despite loses.
  • Huntley has the dubious mark of having the lowest mark in five different categories.
    • The only category that Huntley won against Timmy was the kicker position
  • Only two teams had tight ends score more than just 10 points; Billy had 11.80 points and Bove had 11.60 points.
  • Eric’s pass catchers combined for 14.4 points in week one.
PERSONAL REPORT CARDS

Billy
Bove
Brick
Eric
Gabe
Huntley
Kenney
List
Michaud
Stanko
Timmy
Vaghi

ADDITIONAL WEEK 1 STATISTICS

AVERAGE MARGIN OF VICTORY BY WEEK
  • Week 1: 35.01
  • Average Margin Of Victory This Season Is 35.01
TOP SIX WEEKLY TOTAL
  • Billy – 153.30
  • Vaghi – 139.28
  • Michaud – 135.88
  • Timmy – 132.08
  • Stanko – 127.76
  • Bove – 122.24
LOWEST SIX WEEKLY TOTAL
  • Huntley – 77.12
  • Gabe -88.16
  • Eric – 89.50
  • Kenney – 105.46
  • Brick – 107.46
  • List – 111.82
AVERAGE TEAM TOTALS PER WEEK
  • Week One: 115.85
  • Average Team Total This Season Is 115.85

WEEK 2 MATCHUPS

  • Vaghi and I are two teams coming off a win looking to keep up momentum heading into week two. A question may be whether or not De’Von Achane is playing a full game on Thursday night for Vaghi. He also doesn’t have a kicker currently, but the wheeler and dealer will come up with something and it’ll be a very close match. Also both Detroit Lions running backs are going up against one another.
  • Timmy my be a little bit nervous about Jake Ferguson playing this week, but he has a backup on his bench just in case. Jack List is the underdog but he’ll know how things are playing out after Thursday when Tyreek Hill plays. The Bills don’t have a good defense so Hill may go for a fuck ton of yards. List would love to have Tee Higgins back, but again, there is no practice today for the wide out.
  • Both Eric and Greg are looking for this first win. Eric is the betting favorite, but it is crazy to see that Brick’s COMPLETE roster is projected for way more points. It may be because Eric only has one quarterback on his roster. Let’s hope that Lamar Jackson does not get banged up for his sake!
  • Can Huntley bounce back this week? Will the commish get a win? Huntley has Tua Tagovailoa, Jaylen Waddle, and James Cook all going on Thursday night. Kenney will be playing catchup over the weekend and waiting until Sunday night when C.J. Stroud, Joe Mixon and Keenan Allen all kick off. It is challenging for Kenney that he has both Nick Chubb and Puka Nacua on the IR right now.
  • Bove is hungry for a win after winning against the top-scoring team in week one. Michaud is always hungry, because I just assume that he is. I wonder if Michaud having two Viking players going up against the 49ers on a short week will be a good thing or if the 49ers defense will shut down Darnold. Meanwhile, Bove has Mahomes, Rice, and Henry all coming off a long week on his roster.
  • Billy was the highest-scoring team in week one, but he is the underdog in week two. He has to sub in Baker Mayfield over Jordan Love, which hurts extra. Gabe, I have a question: seeing 18.2 projected points next to Burrow’s name, do you feel confident in that?ย 

TEAMS ON A BYE: None


STANDINGS

  • Standings don’t mean too much early on, but still it must be nice for Billy to be sitting atop at number one.
  • Playoff percentage has five teams over 60% to make it.
    • For the record, six teams make the playoffs with two of the top seeds getting a bye.
  • Still lots of time to make games up. Just one week.
  • It is rather nuts that Vaghi has already made five moves. It’s barely been a week.

PUBLIC RELATIONS

“Starting off the season with a win is always a good feeling. I couldn’t really focus on fantasy because the New England Patriots are somehow 1-0 after defeating the Cincinnati Bengals. Between the Patriots and the Boston College Eagles, there can only be so much football success in the Northeast, so this is all going to blowup.”

Jonathan Stanko – Manager of I’m A Kittle Teapot

No Comment.

Jack List – Manager of Big Bobs Beepers

No Comment.

Timmy Drakeley – Manager of KC Rough Housers

“Monkey Boys off to a good start, Jordan Mason and Deebo coming in clutch on Monday night to secure the win vs the Dumpster boys. Always helps when your kicker and defense puts up 27 combined points. Luckily cowboys won in real life, otherwise g brick would be in pure agony this week.”

Matthew Vaghi – Manager of Monkey Boys

“I’d like to thank Daniel jones for gifting me two tds via the vikings D. You could have thrown Chapman in for the giants and gotten better results”

Justin Michaud – Manager of Heffers Heifers

“Love Train is out to take no prisoners this year. Bove crossed the wrong tracks unfortunately even with our conductor JLove down for the count. We have a long trip back from Brazil but no excuses, Gabe is in our sights. Also shoutout to Stanko for bringing back the blog, appreciate you!”

Billy Drakeley – Manager of Love Train

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