“A reclusive author who writes espionage novels about a secret agent and a global spy syndicate realizes the plot of the new book she’s writing starts to mirror real-world events, in real-time.”
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Writer: Jason Fuchs
Cast: Henry Cavill, Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Bryan Cranston, Daniel Singh, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, Richard E. Grant, John Cena, Catherine O’Hara
Release Date: February 2, 2024
IMDB
What a colorful piece of shit.
Argylle (2024) left bad a taste in my mouth right from the opening scene. The sequence with Henry Cavill, John Cena, Ariana DeBose, and Dua Lipa is over-the-top. No crime in there. There is a gross miscarriage of justice when it comes to the amount of CGI in the chase sequence. Specifically, when Lagrange (Dua Lipa) hops on a motorcycle and is shown going down a winding road before being chased. Argylle did lack for budget (over 200 million dollars), but none of it was spent on-location filming. Need I mention the on-the-boat sequence in which the film’s finale is staged?
Bryce Dallas Howard being the lead of a spy movie was an interesting choice, but with the premise of the movie, it makes sense. The high-heeling running-away-from-danger actress plays Elly Conway, an author of successful spy novels…who ends up being a spy trying to upend the bad guys, till she is revealed one of the bad guys, but that’s only because she is being brainwashed, but voila, the power of comes through!
Oh, was that last paragraph filled with run-on sentence that made zero sense and had a less than coherent and satisfying ending? Wow, that’s Argylle itself!
The plot written by screenwriter Jason Fuchs seems chalk-filled with good twists and turns. Alas, it’s not.
By the end of Argylle, the audience is is rolling its eyes with every leap the story takes. Perhaps the largest chasm the audience refuses to cross is when Elly sticks her boots with a pair of knives and becomes an Olympic figure skater over an oily surface that magically zamboni’s itselfF after each axel jump and daring sharp turn.
And I am not leaving this rambling blog without talking about the horrendously bad editing choices this movie makes. For the first half of Arygylle, Aidan Wilde (Sam Rockwell) has actual spy prowess gets face and body swapped out for Argylle (Henry Cavill). Sure, it’s meant to show how Elly is blending her fictional world with her forgotten reality, but damn does it take away from the body-flipping action.
Argylle is a miss from Matthew Vaughn. In story, style and execution.
The only positive from the Argylle viewing experience is that I learned I am damn close to being all up-to-date on the Matthew Vaughn directional filmography. The only movie of his that I am missing is his first, which appears to be one of his best, L4yer Cake (2004). Otherwise, Stardust (2007), Kick-Ass (2010), X-Men: First Class (2011), and The Kingsman franchise have been checked off.
Are you telling me I need to watch a fast-talking movie about a drug deal gone wrong staring a young Daniel Craig and Tom Hardy to write a movie ranking blog? This sounds like the perfect homework assignment.
If you want to abuse yourself, Aryglle is streaming on AppleTV.
STANKO RATING: D-
Ranking James Bond Films: #21 – “Quantum Of Solace” (2008)
Quantum Of Solace is beyond a stepdown from Craig’s debut film, Casino Royale.
STANKO UPDATE: THE WEDDING FAST APPROACHES…(INSERT DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Perhaps that’s too much information? Ah, who cares. This is what it is.
Stanko's Stance 