PREAMBLE

You know what I have noticed? There has been a lot less “crooked commish” comments this season. Perhaps it is because my team stinks, both in fantasy and in reality. This is true. But still, I find it VERY interesting that my haters have gone underground now that I am the one walking among a giant shit pile of losses every week.

Week eight of the NFL was a pretty gross week. Sure, Steve got to see the New York Jets win a thriller live…but would he even say that was a victory? I mean a happy wife is a happy life. The Primetime games all sucked elephant dung and made everyone want to head into the medical blue tent like half of the starting QBs in the league.

I wish in hindsight that last week could have been a collective apple-picking Sunday for folks. Would be able to ingratiate good will for when you want to watch football on Christmas Eve. 

Any who, back to fantasy. 

Let’s get going.

WEEK 8 SCOREBOARD

  • By far the best performance from my team this season. Perhaps that is solace Ritz? Not sure if that makes it better or worse. Nobody really dominated the field until Monday night when Jamyr Gibbs ran all over the Las Vegas Raiders. Everyone scored double-digit points besides Christian Watson, who is not forever relegated to my bench. This is only the third time this season I scored more than 100 points (yikes), and my second highest point total was 102.14 in week one.
    • The curse of Ritz in the REEEEEEM fantasy league continues. Kirk Cousins tears his ACL and now the manager is without a top five fantasy quarterback. Also to add some icing onto the cake…I have Josh Doubs who the Vikings traded for. Davante Adams had only one catch on Monday, but could have easily had 150+ yards and two touchdowns if pretty boy Jimmy could throw the ball.
  • Steve got a bit of a fight from Ronan, but alas the Irishman comes up short. Steve was buoyed by Jalen Hurts being really good at football and throwing the ball to DeVonta Smith. Jordan Addison has scored over 44 points over the last two weeks, but will that suffer with Cousins going down? I am a bit surprised Steve continues to ride with Alexander Mattison, and now that he has dwindled points wise for three straight weeks.
    • Ronan, I would advise you not to look at Dak Prescott sitting on your bench with 28.06 points. That surely won’t give you nightmares. Imagine what a stack of CeeDee Lamb and Dak Prescott could have been. That wasn’t the only NFC East disappointment for Ronan. The Philadelphia Eagles scored -3.0 defensive points against the Washington Commanders. If they had hovered around mid single-digits it would have made things very interesting.
  • Bragging rights are a great thing. Pride is an invaluable currency. The player of T-Si’s who rode home with their own greatest sense of pride is A.J. Brown. Against the Commanders he had 130 points and two touchdowns. He has six straight weeks with 125 yards or more. Not bad after bitching Jalen out early in the season. A team to win a fantasy matchup with three packers in their starting lineup is a feat.
    • Jimmy Simon had a chance on Sunday. Is that a moral victory? Now Jakobi Meyers did absolutely nothing (as did the entire offense) so he had no chance. Now he has to sit next to Tommy at Thanksgiving and know that his older brother is better at fantasy football than him. That may make for an awkward dinner. We do need to talk about Dameon Pierce and Latavius Murray combining for 6.2 points.
  • McLaughlin is quietly building up stock for a late season run. Despite Patrick Mahomes literally throwing up on himself, he was able to pull up with a win. Alvin Kamara scored 25.0 points and Ja’Marr Chase closed on the Bengals big win with 20.2 points. Geoge Kittle did a lot for the 49ers even though their offense didn’t do much. Joe Mixon also had his season high 18.5 points. All in all, well done.
    • Buzzi mentioned this in Slack, but having DeAndre Hopkins on his bench stings like a mother fucker. Who would have predicted that he’d have three touchdowns tossed to him from a rookie quarterback. Hopkins scored nearly 40% of all his season points on Sunday. Buzzi sits at 4-4, and that’s brutal for a team that has a propensity to score a ton of points.
  • Not a pretty win, but who gives a flying shit. Matthew McGinnity has already been good, but now he is getting fate on his side as well. Justin Herbert did well on Sunday night, and Christian McCaffrey did his part during the late window. The fact of the matter is that McGinnity got super duper lucky with the seventh highest score of the week. McGinnity ranked top half in only three of the statistical categories this week.
    • I think all Baltimore running backs are owned between these two teams; McGinnity has Justice Hill and Keaton Mitchell while Gus Edwards sits on the bench of Lobo. Ouch. With Rhamondre Stevenson not having the breakout year anyone expected and putting forward a lowly six points this week, Lobo would be right to punch the table.

WEEK 8 ANALYTICS

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  • McGinnity winning with the fourth lowest scoring is quite a feat. He will take it. Meanwhile Ronan is cursing himself for getting matched up with Steve.
    • And Ronan had a ton of points on his bench too. Most of the week. So hindsight-infused tinkering may have done the trick.
  • I would like to thank whatever karma gods are there for giving me my best week of the season.
    • First in points scored, overall points scored, points compared to projected, running back points and kicker points.
  • Having the two highest scoring players for Ronan and Buzzi could not carry them to a win.
  • Despite my win, I still rank dead last in countless categories; I average the fewest amount of points in seven of the 11 categories. Is that good?
  • Buzzi, despite his 4-4 record and currently standing outside the playoff picture, has the best average score in a league best four categories. Unfortunately, one of them doesn’t count…because it’s bench points. Hahaha, I am hilarious.
    • Buzzi also sits a .500 despite always having a top-half Full Team Points Ranking.
    • Does Buzzi need to amp up his kicking game? He has ranked seventh or worse over the last four weeks. He is 1-3 during those four weeks.
  • Steve, who is in first place, is not the best (or worst) in any category.
    • He is the only one without a shaded color in his column.
  • Jimmy has ranked last in running back points scored four times this season.
    • He has scored single digits from his running back twice over the last three weeks.
  • Steve has the identical league ranking in Points Scored (3rd), Points On Bench (9th), and Full Team Points (6th) over the last two weeks.
  • McLaughlin seems to be hitting his stride; he has a top two score in three of the last four weeks.
  • Tough week for Dirty Mike And The Boys. We will just leave it at that.
  • Ronan ranked seventh this week in tight end points; it is the first time this season he has ranked worse than fifth.
  • For the first time this season I rank in the top half of points scored…and I rank atop all else. Certainly a fluke. Same can be said for my running back points.
  • Tommy has a propensity for having one incredibly high-scoring player; in six of the eight weeks he has had a top three ranking in that category.

ADDITIONAL WEEK 8 STATISTICS

AVERAGE MARGIN OF VICTORY BY WEEK
  • Week 1: 19.13
  • Week 2: 25.52
  • Week 3: 21.73
  • Week 4: 30.65
  • Week 5: 31.73
  • Week 6: 18.64
  • Week 7 : 31.32
  • Week 8: 19.57
  • Average Margin Of Victory This Season Is 24.79
TOP FIVE WEEKLY TOTAL
  • Stanko – 143.08
  • McLaughlin – 136.44
  • Kultzow – 130.56
  • Ronan – 122.80
  • T-Si – 120.88
LOWEST FIVE WEEKLY TOTAL
  • Ritz – 99.66
  • Jimmy – 107.12
  • Lobo – 110.30
  • McGinnity – 119.62
  • Buzzi – 119.16
AVERAGE TEAM TOTALS PER WEEK
  • Week One: 106.91
  • Week Two: 114.35
  • Week Three: 125.07
  • Week Four: 118.43
  • Week Five: 119.13
  • Week 6: 113.31
  • Week 7 : 110.73
  • Week 8: 120.69
  • Average Team Total This Season Is 116.08

WEEK 9 MATCHUPS

  • Lobo is catching me on a good week. My typical starting quarterback, starting wide receiver, starting running and starting kicker are all on a bye. That’s how you keep momentum after a win, right? Lobo will have to find a fill in for Courtland Sutton and his defense. He has options on his bench so I will once again be behind the eight-ball.
    • Lobo won against mee in week five, 115.18 to 77.02. That week our quarterbacks combined for less than 10 points, and it was Breece Hall who erupted against Denver for 26.9 points that carried him to victory.
  • Ronan is putting on his pads to play T-Si. A win here from Ronan would really buck up the standings in the best way possible. It would tumble T-Si into the puddle of .500 teams. Neither teams have much to deal with in terms of bye. T-Si has Sam LaPorta to replace so he will be jumping into the waiver wire or making a trade. Ronan has to get a new kicker, but that will be a Thursday free agent pickup most likely.
  • Steve comes into his contes against Buzzi having won seven straight, yet Buzzi has the higher ranking in eight of the statistical categories. The first place team will be an underdog this week. Records mean nothing. Just a brief parasoul of the matchup and one can easily deduct that the Eagles vs. Cowboys matchup will be most important. Steve has Jalen Hurts and DeVonta Smith…and Buzzi has Tony Pollard and the Dallas defense.
    • Steve beat Buzzi in week five in a low scoring 105.12 to 92.56 bought. That week it was the Cowboys defense scoring -3.0 points against San Francisco that really sunk Buzzi. Steve had 27.32 points from Jalen Hurts, but otherwise no statue raising performances.
  • Jimmy, loser of six straight, must play a quality team in Team Run CMC. Thankfully for the younger Simon, McGinnity will be without Christian McCafftrey and Amon-Ra St. Brown. Jimmy will have Brandon Aiyuk on the bench, so here is to hoping Tee Higgins keeps on looking healthier for the Bengals.
    • McGinnity will also be without Christian Kirk, but he wasn’t much help in week one when CMC took down the lawyers of Jakobi And Meyers in a really close verdict, 108.86 to 107.58. This was back when Joe Burrow was on one leg and the Bengals were napping rather than hunting.
  • McLaughlin’s team is at full health but has George Kittle on a bye. Ritz on the other hand, lost his starting quarterback (Kirk Cousins) and has his top scoring playing Travis Etienne Jr. on a bye. I don’t think Isaiah Pacheco is going to be as silent as he was on Sunday, and who knows, maybe DaVante Adams will be on a new team after I am typing this. Team My Glockz Out is celebrating Alvin Kamara being a huge offensive fantasy weapon, and Ja’Marr Chase seems to have found his footing.
    • In week one, Ritz had to pay up to McLaughlin for a third straight time (I think dating back to last season). It was so fucking close though. McLaughlin won 100.64 to 99.66 because Graham Gano scored -2.0 points against the Dallas Cowboys on Monday Night Football. Sorry for the reminder, Ritz.

TEAMS ON A BYE: Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, Jacksonville Jaguars, San Francisco 49ers

STANDINGS

  • That’s right. I am no longer in last. I am not longer lingering in the basement like the mother of a corpse. That responsibility now shadows Jimmy, so let’s hope he doesn’t turn into an over-feeding motherly monster.
  • McLaughlin jumped up from seventh last week to fourth this week.
    • As a result, Buzzi, Ronan and Lobo all fell in the standings.
  • Steve still sits atop the league but McGinnity is keeping pace.
  • Tommy Simon moved up from fourth to third place after the win over his brother. He is the last above .500 team in the standings, so hope for the playoffs stays alive for many.

PUBLIC RELATIONS

“What is this strange foreign place? What is this thing called ‘the win column’? How did I end up here?”

Jonathan Stanko – Manager of Watson Of The Other Side Of The Door

“”It’s not the size of a man, but the size of his heart that matters.”
Definitely not Steve Kultzow quoting Evander Holyfield

Steve Kultzow – Manager of The Great Warren

“Great to get another win, but we can’t ignore the elephant in the room, there are some things we need to work on if we want to be considered a top team. Next week is going to be tough with our RB1 and WR1 out, but this is an opportunity for us to show our strength as a team.”

Matthew McGinnity – Manager of Run CMC

“Very good win against a very good team, despite my QB puking and shitting himself. This team is built for the playoffs and we’ll make it.”

Tom McLaughlin – Manager of My Glock Out

“Happy for our team this week to bounce back and come out with a W. My brother Coach Simon had his team prepared and put up a good fight. We have a big rivalry game this week against Coach McClorey’s team. Will see who comes out on top.”

Tommy Simon – Manager of Across The Pond With London

“Buy me dinner first next time.”

Mike Ritz – Manager of Dirty Mike And The Boys

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