Movies
I Wrote Too Much About “Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts”
HOW MANY TIMES DOES BUMBLEBEE NEED TO DIE IN A TRANSFORMERS MOVIE?? JESUS CHRIST.
“During the ’90s, a new faction of Transformers – the Maximals – join the Autobots as allies in the battle for Earth.”
Director: Steven Caple Jr.
Writers: Joby Harold, Darnell Metayer, Josh Peters
Staring: Anthony Ramos, Dominique Fishback, Robots
Release Date: June 9, 2023
IMDB
Expectations were incredibly low for my going into Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts (2023). I want to make sure I see as many 2023 movies as possible, and this was an easy download and watch as a second screen option on the train.
I am happy to report that Rise Of The Beasts perfectly fits all the preconceived notions attached with it.
The movie itself is not so good. We can just be frank here, right? Rise Of The Beasts has middling reviews, which is perfectly fair for the quality of this movie. The setup of the movie is perfectly cheap action movie fodder.
You have a man who feels the need to prove himself and support his family that is down on their luck. You have a woman who wants to prove while her boss is putting her down. Insert in a MacGuffin object that acts as a key to unlocking Pandora’s Box of evil. With the fate of the world in the balance, “Rise Of The Beasts” becomes a team-up movie with individuals who don’t totally know each other, yet they must “Unite or fall.”
It is all so predictable. This is not a shot, it is just what the movie is. This is not a dig on the writers. They are pigeonholed into writing something simple so the audience can shut their brains off and anticipate the next big slow-mo iron-on-iron sword clash.
So does Rise Of The Beasts look good? Yea, I would say so. How is that for analysis? The visual effects can not be skimped in a movie like this, and the constant transformations and whirling physics defying action maneuvers flow smoothly across the screen. It is sometimes tough to follow who are the good guys and who are the bad guys, but that is where you follow the emotion of the human characters to know who you should be rooting for.
The leading man of choice for this Transformers adventure is Anthony Ramos. The star of Hamilton is expanding his scope and now is taking the next step into blockbuster franchise IP. The first major motion picture Ramos appears in is A Star Is Born (2018) and since then he has tackled Godzilla, tangled with Liam Neeson, and danced in the streets of New York. Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts is a new challenge for Ramos because he is iterating with CGI characters for more than half of the movie. He nails the slow-mo walk out of the car and has decent enough chemistry with the film’s co-star Dominique Fishback.
The ending of the movie has the Ramos character of Noah Diaz being handed off to a different IP universe. I did not have a G.I. Joe crossover on my bingo card. This seems a little bonkers and out of nowhere, but director Steven Caple Jr. and producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura were willing to go on record and talk about it. They were excited to pitch it despite it being a bit out of left field. You have to respect the swing. Not sure how it all works because there are more than a few Transformers that take place after this 1990s setting….
I have a lot of questions about the timeline for the Transformers movie universe. I am going to think this out without looking anything up first. The first Transformers (2007) movie has Shai LaBeouf fawning (respectfully) for Megan Fox. It continues with Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (2009) which was horrendous and had a terrible plotline with dust or something. Then there is a third one that I don’t remember at all but I think it is the same cast, mostly.
Then there is Transformers: Age Of Extinction (2014), which changes things up with Mark Whalberg AND brings in things called Dinobots. So these are creature-esq monsters. We get a glimpse of them, but are they in Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)? I know that Anthony Hopkins is in this fifth installment. Get that paycheck Sir Hopkins.
Okay, Bumblebee (2018) was a reset? A prequel to the 2007 Transformers. I remember liking this Hailee Steinfield led film more than I would have expected. But my question comes in the fact that this movie takes place in the 1980s. This movie is before Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts. The summaries say this most recent movie is a sequel to Bumblebee, but is it? Are there any connections to the 1980s story?
I am not a Transformers superfan by any means. Like not at all. But this all seems a little convoluted for a franchise that doesn’t rely on plot as one of its major reasons to tune in. We want to watch big machines tearing each other apart, yet the plot lines leave so many things dangled.
I just don’t quite comprehend how the 1980s possible earth-shattering event of Bumblebee is not mentioned in Rise Of The Beasts. In the 90s we get these animal themed mechs but they aren’t in any of the movies taking place in the 2000s, so are the eventual sequels that take place between Rise Of The Beasts & Transformers chronologically going to mention their disappearance. And then why are we so surprised when the Dinobots show up in 2014?
I know I should not care this much, but it throws me for a loop. It was in the back of my head the entire time I was watching Rise Of The Beasts. Maybe that is the sicko in me, but I am who I am.
Just some final thoughts here before I wrap up this supreme stream of consciousness reaction.
HOW MANY TIMES DOES BUMBLEBEE NEED TO DIE IN A TRANSFORMERS MOVIE?? JESUS CHRIST.
Was Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts set in the 1990s just so they could tap into the music? The vibes are set by many rap songs and it does push the movie along during the travel scenes. You may find yourself just bobbing your head.
Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts is streaming on Paramount+.
STANKO RATING: D+
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