PREAMBLE

Here we are. One week down and a long season still to go.

For those who were part of the fantasy baseball league (congrats again to LPK), this is going to be in the same vein of those recaps but much less focused on my own personal matchups. Going to be a bit more of an all encompassing look at the league and the stat sheet is going to be the focal point.

My aim for these recaps to come out on Wednesdays, but it will be dependent on how busy I am with work. 

You will see on the bottom of this page that there are quotes from the victors. I aim to reach out to the victors every week to get their take and talk some shit if they want, but if you lost and you want your voice to be heard, feel free to message me.

This was really an ugly week of fantasy football, particularly in this league where the average margin of victory was 35.96 points. I mean, that is an atomic range. Just blowouts everywhere. I am point at myself because I was one such blowout.

Hope the rest of the season gets a bit more competitive on a week-to-week basis! If anyone has any questions, concerns, comments of suggestions, feel free to let me know. 

Now we go.

WEEK 1 SCOREBOARD

  • My team didn’t get off to a good start when Jahmyr Gibbs didn’t meet his projected mark. In the end, I only had one player of mine surpass his expectations, so thank you A.J. Brown…but really fuck you for doing it against my Patriots. Meanwhile Gabe somehow got 20.66 points from Deshaun Watson despite him not looking great. Christian McCaffrey had his monster game, and the reinserted Calvin Ridley made up from Drake London not putting up any points.
    • Going into this matchup, the San Francisco vs. Pittsburgh game was going to be massive. I drafted the Steelers defense and had to play George Pickens as a result of my ill-advised draft pick Cooper Kupp went on the IR. Meanwhile Gabe has the 49ers defense and McCaffrey. We all know how the game played out, and that definitely made this matchup as lopsided as it was.
  • There are both a ton to say, and not a lot to say about the matchup between Jack and Eric. Jack met his projected points nearly exactly using high voltage games from Aaron Jones, Nick Chubb and the Saints D/ST as its foundation. Eric on the other hand…well he had one player reach double-digits. Eric looks at his box score and sees two goose eggs, one of which was his fault for rostering an inactive player.
    • Eric’s starting running backs combined for 0.9 points. As part of my stats I keep the lowest mark by position every week, and I don’t think we will get any lower than 0.9 for combined running back scores. Jack, you take this win and run to the hills because there won’t be an easier one all season. And Eric, toss away the tape and bury it in the background. Time to regroup.
  • Huntley should be sending Greg a gift basket because the Dallas Cowboys defense made his week one matchup far less stressful than it could have been. 35.0 points from a defense is nuts. Who would have thought that the Cowboys defense would outscore the combined point total of Tony Pollard and CeeDee Lamb (35.0 – 33.9)?
    • Tim really got stuck behind the eight ball with Kadarius Toney having one of the worst wide receiver games ever in prime time. Besides that he had underwhelming efforts from Najee Harris (game flow dictated that) and Graham Gano. Huntley was one of three to score past his projected, and it could have been even more if he played Breece Hall in an RB slot instead of Kenneth Walker III or Isiah Pacheco.
  • Tyreek Hill is getting ice on his back because the Dolphin wide receiver carried all the weight of Brick’s victory over Vaghi in week one. 45.5 points is an absurd number. Not looking forward to the Patriots playing them this week. Otherwise Brick got good efforts from Travis Etienne Jr. and Chris Olave. Vaghi’s leading scorer was a fellow stud wide receiver in Amon-Ra St. Brown, but his 19.1 points was sunk by zero points from Dallas Goedert and only three points from Tyler Lockett.
    • Vaghi also may be flying to Chicago to smack some sense in the Bears because if they don’t let Justin Fields cook like he did last year then he is really going to be fucked. Also I just noticed that Greg has Deuce Vaughn on his team, and I respect keeping it all in the family.
  • We finally have a relatively close matchup! Thank you Michael and Michaud. Thank you. The fantasy baseball champion must be pulling his hair out seeing that Burrow had the worst game of his career and an average game from him may have been enough to win. Making matters worse…he had Tua Tagovailoa and his 28.14 points on the bench. Tough. Really tough. Michaud’s top two scorers were two of his most important draft picks in Patrick Mahomes and Austin Ekeler.
    • Much like how Kenney can second guess not playing Tua, Michaud can do the same seeing Brandon Aiyuk on his bench with 32.9 points. That would have left no doubt in this game, granted that his wide receivers and flex didn’t absolutely stink. I guess it’s also good that Michaud carried three QBs into the first week because he will be dropping Aaron Rodgers now.
  • Usually we talk about the players that the teams rostered…but I can’t not open with Billy’s bench team. 96 points from seven players, including 24.4 from Tyler Allgeier and 23.0 from Jordan Love. Billy played Daniel Jones instead of his own team’s quarterback, and that was a 18.54 difference. For those counting at home, that would be a total of 121.1. There there is Christian Kirk who only scored 1.9 points in the flex spot…he could have played five of his six talent position choices on the bench in that flex and the week would have gone his way.
    • Alright I guess I should touch on the winner. Justin Herbert was part of the shootout against Miami so that is a recipe for points. Bijan Robinson was exciting to watch on the TV, but the shocker is Michael Pittman Jr. scoring 23.7 points. I will admit, I didn’t trust any Colt receiver with Anthony Richardson throwing to them, but Bove is here proving me wrong. Also, playing Mark Andrews when he was inactive didn’t end up hurting Bove.

WEEK 1 ANALYTICS

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  • Bove led the way having the best total in four different statistical categories: Points Scored, Points Compared To Projected, Quarterback Points and Kicker Points.
  • Eric has the dubious honor of leading the way with the four worst scores in statistical categories: Points Scored, Full Team Points, Running Back Points and Wide Receiver Points.
    • I don’t think we will get a lower output from running backs in a lineup this year…Eric’s two RBs he played went for a combined 0.90 points.
  • The six winners that won in week one are all the teams that best outperformed their projected. They were also the six top scoring teams of the week. So technically this week went exactly how it should have gone.
    • This very well may be the case for most weeks, but we will see teams that get fucked even when they out preform what is expected.
    • I was -44.04 off my projected points. Come on ESPN, at what point is your ESPN algorithm wrong?
    • Only three teams this week outperformed their projected point value.
      • Bove sky-rocketed past it with 25.02 points above expected. Next closest was Huntley at 1.80.
  • Billy left 96 (!!!) points on his bench! His bench nearly scored as many points as he rostered!
    • Billy had the third most points combined between his roster and his bench…but he did not win in week one. He is the one who got “most unlucky” granted the play/sit were his decisions.
  • Was a bit of a surprise to see three winners this week rank in the bottom half of the Wide Receiver Points total.
  • Guess you gotta have a big boomer because five of the six winners this week had top scoring players of the week.
  • Over the course of the season I hope that we see trends among these stats. Just an extra layer.

ADDITIONAL WEEK 1 STATISTICS

Margin Of Victory By Week
  • Week 1: 35.96
  • Average Margin Of Victory This Season Is 35.96
TOP Six WEEKLY TOTAL
  • 125.52 – Participation Trophy
  • 122.94 – Put Pete In The Hall
  • 122.10 – GOAT Whisperer
  • 115.76 – Aaron Rodger’s Trip Sitter
  • 115.24 – Los Pollos Hermanos
  • 113.42 – Derby Dumpetrs Fires
LOWEST Six WEEKLY TOTAL
  • 102.56 – Love Train
  • 101.28 – Sad LPK
  • 90.54 – Monkey Boys
  • 82.16 – KC Rough Housers
  • 68.96 – Look What You Made Me Koo
  • 53.74 – The Football Team
Average Team Totals Per Week
  • Week One: 101.19

WEEK 2 MATCHUPS

  • Both Vaghi and I are looking for our first wins of the season and both of us are looking for our mobile quarterbacks to do something with their legs. We just want to get on the board.
    • I have put myself in a precarious position already because I have spend a heavy about of FAB to secure up my RB position, and now I would love to watch Rhamondre Stevenson rack up yards against the Dolphins but then he would fuck me in fantasy. I would take it. Go Pats.
  • Timmy is looking for his first W and Jack is looking to get off to a 2-0 start. Timmy needs to have the Chargers go off offensively if he is going to play Keenan Allen and Mike Williams. Also because Trevor Lawrence and Elvin Engram are going up against KC which promises to be a shootout for Jack.
    • Jack sneakily ranked top three in five different categories this week. He was the leader in running back points, but this week Aaron Jones is questionable so can he rely on it? Also is Timmy going to stay with the Panthers defense and are we going to have Carolina vs. New Orleans defenses going mono-et-mono.
  • This is going to be weird to say after Monday night, but I think I love Eric’s chances this week because the Buffalo Bills are going to want to go NUCLEAR against the Las Vegas Raiders. And Dak Prescott is going against the Jets…and we will see how good the Jets are. Can Greg rely on Tyreek Hill scoring 45 points a week? Probably not…but there is always a chance. This one may come down to Sunday night when Tyreek is playing against the Patriots.
    • Eric needs Jonathan Taylor to come back right now. Or he needs Alvin Kamara to back from suspension ASAP. Like earlier than four games. I am weak at running back, but I am not as weak as Antonio Gibson and Rashaad Penney.
  • The way this is framed up right, we are going to have a heavy weight sweat-it-out final round come the prime time evening slots. Jaylen Waddle for Huntley, and Kendrick Bourne and the New England Patriots defense for Kenney; for all the marbles on Sunday night. Also Michael can’t play Tua if he is going to play the Patriots defense, or visa versa, but that would be redundant.
    • This tone for this matchup is going to be set on Thursday night; Jalen Hurts looking for a bounce back fantasy effort while Kenney has Alexander Mattison in his starting running back slot.
  • Two teams coming off wins in week one, and two tweens with what appear to be very well built roasters going at it. Michaud is going to make sure Aiyuk is in his line-up and prays he doesn’t turn into Ai-yuck. Yes, thank you, that was fantastic. Bove is hoping Garrett Wilson stays a strong play with Aaron Rodgers out, and will Mark Andrews make his first appearance of the season? Now that I look at Bove’s receivers, can he feel great with Wilson and DeAndre Hopkins, both of whom now have objectively bad QBs tossing them the ball?
    • Bove has the Eagles defense and Jake Elliot going on Thursday night while Michaud has DeVonta Smith. 
  • Last matchup of the week to look at is Gabe and Billy. Billy’s team didn’t win last week but he can’t be too upset because his overall point total was third highest in the league. Who will Billy play at quarterback this week, Daniel Jones and Jordan Love? Will Gabe play Drake London even though he had zero points last week? I genuinely think that this is a great even matchup.
    • I enjoy doing these write ups because I can ask questions to myself that the others teams may be thinking. My one for this matchup is whether or not Gabe trusts DJ Moore or Drake London. Both have not good quarterbacks who don’t throw a lot. Also, what if Billy put Allgeier in the flex spot so it is Atlanta on Atlanta crime in the flex spot.

TEAMS ON A BYE: NONE

STANDINGS

  • Obviously no movement in the standings this week because we have only just begun. It’s a long season!

PUBLIC RELATIONS

“Not playing Aiyuk nearly fucked me [and] when Jets Bills went into OT Kenney had the chance for a comeback, luckily Gipson shut it down quick”

Justin Michaud – Manager of Los Pollos Hermanos

“We’ve got a lot of heart on this team. Despite some coaching errors and some injuries, we pulled through. And even though we won, we know we have to stay focused on the task at hand.“

Tim Bove – Manager of Participation Trophy

“It’s clear my opponent was the real dumpster fire, clearly unprepared for the Tyreek show that will be a weekly event.”

Greg Brick – Manager of Derby Dumpster Fires

“Ugly fantasy week in general with few touchdowns. Happy to get the win and be 1-0. May the fantasy gods bring us more points!”

Andrew Huntley – Manager of GOAT Whisperer

Unable To Be Reached For Comment.

Jack List – Manager of Put Pete In The Hall

Unable To Be Reached For Comment.

Gabe Lizarazo – Manager of Aaron Rodger’s Trip Sitter

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