Listen, I don’t know what happened. I set the best lineup I could. I didn’t fold. I didn’t give up. My team, it just, well to put it plainly, it stinks. This is one of those times you have to throw away the game film and pray that something better comes along this week.

But we didn’t set any sweep rules right? We aren’t doing college beer pong punishments like getting under the table or a naked mile around the house, right?

Good, I didn’t think so.

I both totally can believe that I list 11-0-0, but I also can’t believe it. Mike DiMaio, congrats sire. You have earned the right to brag about this one for a while.

I wrote this earlier in the week so I am going to put this in here now, but it doesn’t mean anything at all now.

Blockbuster Trade…between teams playing each other

  • Stanko Gets: Jonathan India, Christian Yelich, Yandy Diaz
  • DiMaio Gets: Ozzie Albies and Vladimir Guerrero Jr.

Main thing for me in this trade is getting depth. I now have four outfielders who are over 90% owned. I do lose power, but I was low on power anyways, so I am taking the approach of basically punting HR and RBI and now going for broke with stolen bases and on base percentage.

I know that Vlad has been hot and India has been cold, but I think they even out and find a happy medium. I don’t think the Blue Jays get much better as a team but I do think the Reds continue to skyrocket. I also now have Spencer Steer, Elly De La Cruz and Jonathan India…I basically own their entire infield.

DiMaio gets a big bopper, but he was already great at hitting and among the league leaders if not the league leader in every category already. He was near the bottom of steals and he has punted that now to double double-down on categories he was already good at. I am a tad bit puzzled by the move? But who am I to question a recent winner of this league and a consistent top-half team from this year?

WEEK THIRTEEN: June 26 – July 2

The nine-hit difference between DiMaio and I is misleading. I know this is hilarious to read out loud seeing the final score, but I mean it. On Sunday, my team decided to go 4-for-32 from the plate, while DiMaio’s team went 10-for-28. That is six hits right there, and I would say that three hits is within the margin of respectability. Nathaniel Lowe of Texas led the way for Mike with eight hits. Three other players had seven hits. Spencer Steer of Cincinnati had eight hits for me.

DiMaio had three players with five runs scored; Alex Bregman, Kyle Schwarber and Shohei Ohtani. All but one player DiMaio rostered during the week had at least one run scored. Brandon Nimmo was great for me with seven runs scored and Christian Yelich had six runs scored in a shortened week with me. None of it was enough though.

Heading into the final day of the massacre, my team was at least throwing some good haymakers. DiMaio and I were tied with 10 home runs each, but on the final day the best hitting team in the league ensured his reputation did not die. Ozzie Albies, Fernando Tatis Jr., Ohtani and Lowe had home runs on the final day to secure the column.

I sound like a groveling child saying that this matchup should have been closer than the 11-0 beating. Again, heading into Sunday I was actually leading in this category. I was up by two (if I did the match right), but between only four hits from my team I ended up with just three RBIs. Meanwhile, DiMaio’s team put on a hitting clinic with six RBIs. For the week, DiMaio had four players with five RBI. My third baseman Steer led all players with seven runs batted in, and fuck it, I had Yelich and Paul Goldschmidt with six each. This is really depressing to write about.

Last week I had a week-best 13 stolen bases. This week had a measly three. Seems like I blew my load in my contest against Vaghi. Nico Hoerner, TJ Friedl, Ohtani and Vladmimir Guerrero Jr. had stolen bases for DiMaio. My three swiped bags came from Steer, Yelich and Elly De La Cruz.

DiMaio leads in four hitting categories for the season and on base percentage is one of them. Hoerner, Soto, Ohtani and Lowe all had on base percentages of .400 with more than 10 play appearances. Bregman watched six times, and Ohtani walked five times. His team just gets on base. It is a blood bath in this category. Sure Steer did great for me with a .538 clip and my new pickups Yandy Diaz and Yelich did great. But De La Cruz with a .148 OBP is gross.

Blowout. Absolute blowout. I am not going to mention my team. Not even worth it. Ranger Suarez didn’t pitch particularly well for Philadelphia but he did have 13 strikeouts over 12.2 innings. Reid Detmers of Los Angeles had 19 strikeouts over 13.0 innings against the White Sox and the Diamondbacks. Ohtani struck out 10, and Jordan Montogomery had 12 Ks over 13.1 innings. And right, can’t forget about Tyler Glasnow’s 11 strikeouts.

Six wins is a good week for anyone. You are going to win most weeks when you have six wins. DiMaio got the Ws from Morton, Suarez, Detmers, Ohtani and two from Montgomery. I had three wins coming from Burnes, Miami’s Braxton Garrett and Boston’s James Paxton.

Can someone tell me why Will Smith threw only one-third of an inning this week? What the hell is this? Camilo Doval had two saves for me and pitched well. Really nothing to complain about, just that Smith didn’t pitch. DiMaio had Ryan Pressley dominating on the hill as the Astros rolled off a good week. He went three scoreless innings for three saves. Tag on extra saves from Jordan Hicks of St. Louis and Jhoan Duran of Minnesota.

I have a pitcher who had a 23.63 ERA this week. What makes it worse is that I picked him up to fill in my eighth starting pitcher spot. So between MacKenzie Gore and the disappointing Johan Oviedo, my team was royally fucked. At least Paxton pitched well for the Red Sox, and me. Paxton threw 7.2 shutout innings. DiMaio on the other hand had just a reliever with a 10+ ERA, so the effect of a bad outing doesn’t have as much of a lasting impact. Montgomery pitched 13.1 innings and had only one earned run allowed. A 2.83 ERA is really good, so he deserved to win regardless.

Is it bad that even after writing a dozen or so of these write ups, I don’t know if one tenth is a huge difference in terms of WHIP? For myself, the losing team, Corbin Burnes, Kevin Guassman and Paxton all had sub-one WHIP.  There efforts are fucked with there are two pitchers on the staff with 2.40 and 3.38 WHIP lines, respectively. Charlie Morton, Detmers, Ohtani and Montgomery were starters with under one WHIP for DiMaio. Impressively, Pressly didn’t allow a single hit or walk in his three appearances.

Shohei Ohtani is so fucking good at baseball. Good lord. How can he be stopped? In the batter’s box he went 7 for 21 this week with four home runs, seven runs scored and five RBIs to go along with five walks and a stolen base. On the mound, the Los Angeles Angels star tossed 6.1 innings with 10 strikeouts and only one earned run allowed. I could have gone with Jordan Montgomery of the St. Louis Cardinals, he would have been my second choice. But really, there was never a second choice.

In terms of a LVP for DiMaio…how do you pick one when your team just went on a 11-0 trouncing? I think I am going to have to go with the old guy Salvador Perez. The catcher for the Kansas City Royals went 2 for 19 with one run scored, one run batted in and one walk. Just not a banner day for the old-men-can-still-have-it believers.

I feel really stupid picking a MVP for a team that got swept 11-0. But is the principle of it. Spencer Steer, I want to thank you for trying your best. Steer went 8-for-20 with six walks. He had a stolen base, three home runs and seven runs batted in.

Plenty of LVPs to pick from. Frankly we could go with the entire roster. But for my part I will go with MacKenzie Gore of the Washington Nationals. I picking him up thinking I could sneak a quality start in my stats, but instead he went 2.2 innings allowing seven earned runs for a 23.63 ERA and a 3.38 WHP.

MVP TRACKER: Albies (1), De La Cruz (2), Mullins (3), Goldschmidt (2), Soto (1), Steer (2), Verdugo (1), Walls (1)
LVP TRACKER: Albies (1), Burnes (1), Casas (1), Gausman (1), Goldschmidt (1), Gore (1), Gray (1), Peralta (1), Soto (1), Sale (1), St. Louis Cardinals (1), Walls (1), Wisdom (1)

WEEK THIRTEEN SCOREBOARD

  • I mean, it is the definition of a massacre. DiMaio took me out to the woodshed and battered me with rusted golf clubs. I don’t think I want to get up.
  • Vaghi bounces back from last week’s loss to me with a nice win over Eric, 8-2-1. Vaghi swept the hitting categories and also the ERA and WHIP. Eric, now in sixth place following the loss.
  • Michaud may have the most roller coaster season, but his team hits bombs. Dingers only. Justin beats Bove to the finish line, 6-4-1.
  • Michael Kenney picking himself up from the mat with an 8-2-1 win over Drakeley. Kenney blew Drakeley out of the water in the pitching categories, outside of himself losing saves like always.
  • Jack List suffers a third straight loss. Huntley gets the win 6-5-0. Andrew won the wins and runs category by one.

WEEK TWELVE STATISTICS DEEP DIVE

PDF/GOOGLE SHEET LINK

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  • Michaud extends his winning streak to a current best four straight matches.
  • Jack List, despite having the current longest winning streak of three straight matches, remains in first place…somehow.
  • Huntley led the league in steals for the first time this season.
  • Kenney now has had the best win total for a week three times this year, tying him for best mark in the league with Eric and List.
    • Speaking of List, he had the fewest number of wins this week…making him incredibly unique because he is among both the league’s best and worst. Feast of famine.
  • With five saves this week, DiMaio earned his first ever badge for most saves in a single week.
  • Kenney had a 1.430 team staff ERA this week…by far the best of the week and it is the first time he gets to claim that.
    • Kenney’s 1.430 is the best by anyone this season. Hell of a week, and now I get to go against him.
  • Kenney now has the most weeks with the best WHIP with three.
    • List, just not a good week pitching for you. You had the worst WHIP for the first time ever this season.
      • With Jack List now joining the ranks of the worst, everyone in the league has had the worst WHIP at least once this season.
        • The only other categories where everyone has at least one notch are MOST WINS.
  • DiMaio and the strikeouts this week were nuts. He had 83 strikeouts in a normal week, and the record is 92 by Michaud…which came in week one…an extended week.
  • Jack lost his matchup this week despite leading the league in hits and runs batted in.
  • DiMaio led the league in three different categories
    • Strikeouts, Wins and Saves
  • Kenney led the league in four different categories
    • On Base Percentage, Wins, Earned Run Average and Walks/Hits Per Inning
  • Based on the looks you needed to have a good week in ERA and stolen bases to have a good week. Bove is the only outlier there.
    • Bove had the second best ERA, second most mins, and fourth best WHIP, but just went up against the best performing pitching team this week.
    • THe top four teams this week in stolen bases all won.

WEEK 13 MATCHUPS

Extended Matchup this week with the All-Star Break
  • A family affair once again. I am merely the scribe of this league while Kenney is the commissioner fighting for his playoff life. I am low-man in this court of players, but what better way to create drama than to have a family member ruin another member’s season?
    • According to the season stats, Michael Kenney should win this contest by a final score of 7-4.
    • In week five MIchael pulled away with a close 6-5 decision that was decided in the strikeouts and runs category.
  • DiMaio is literally coming in as hot as you can, but Vaghi wants to make a statement saying he belongs with the upper echelon of the league.
    • According to the season stats, Mike DiMaio should win this contest by a final score of 8-3.
    • In week five, DiMaio asserted his dominance over Vaghi with a 8-3-0 victory, sweeping the pitching categories.
  • Eric, my boy. My poor boy. I know I had the worst loss of the week, but you need a win this week the most. Michaud has been working his way back and making himself a contender and can really sink Eric’s chances this week.
    • According to the season stats, Michaud will take this contest by a final score of 6-5, but it will be incredibly close.
    • Eric took it to Michaud in week five for the largest margin of victory of the week, 8-2-1. Eric took five of the six hitting categories.
  • In the irrelevant matchup of the week (no offense), Bove and Huntley are battling to make sure they win and not have the possibility of dropping into last place.
    • According to the season stats, Huntley will take this matchup by a final score of 6-5. 
    • Bove took down Huntley in week five, 7-4. At that point Bove had won two straight and Huntley had lost four of his first five contests.
  • Jack needs a rebound, and Billy is the fresh meat. Jack is going to go up to Billy and ask him if he comes by often because he needs a pick-me-up.
    • According to the season stats, Jack is going to get a much needed win against Billy, 8-2-1.
    • A tie! The last time Jack List and Billy Drakely played they came out even at 5-5-1. The closest margin was RBIs which Billy won by one.

OVERALL STANDINGS

  • DiMaio is catching up! Jack is probably cursing me out because DiMaio killing me means he gained a ton of ground. DiMaio went from 6.5 games back to just 0.5 games
  • Michaud jumps up from fourth place to third place and is six games back of first place now, picking up half a game.
  • Vaghi gets himself back into the playoff picture after being in fifth place last week.
  • Eric drops from second place, all the way down to sixth place as he trails Kenney for a postseason berth as well. Mike moved from seventh to fifth place following his convincing win over Drakeley.
  • Despite winning his matchup, Huntley dropped from sixth to seventh place in the standings.
  • I am back in the cellar. I see that Billy didn’t have a lot of time to redecorate seeing how his stay was only one week.
CATEGORY LEADERS (Including Ties)
  • DiMaio: Hits, Runs, RBI, On Base Percentage (4)
  • Eric: Wins (1)
  • Huntley: Saves (1)
  • Kenney: Stolen Bases, Wins (2)
  • List: ERA, Strikeouts (2)
  • Michaud: Home Runs (1)
  • Vaghi: ERA (1)

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