“A G.I. Joe spin-off centered around the character of Snake Eyes.”

Director: Robert Schwentke
Writers: Evan Spiliotopoulos, Joe Shrapnel, Anna Waterhouse
Staring: Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Haruka Abe, Takehiro Hira, Iko Uwais
THEATERS!
Release Date: July 23, 2021

Where Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins went wrong was when it decided it wanted to be a G.I. Joe movie. Folks, that’s not a good thing when you want to start a new cinematic universe.

Snake Eyes stars Henry Golding and follows Snake Eyes on his rise from obscure crime-committing cage fighter to a deadly G.I. Joe ally. On his rise to maturity Snake Eyes meets with crime gangs, shady characters and an ancient Japanese group called the Arashikage. Snake Eyes is brought into the secret club and is taught on how to be a ninja warrior, but his journey is made rocky with broke allegiance and relationships. Will Snake Eyes shape up to the challenges he faces, or will he bow to temptations?

Here is the truth. By the end, you don’t even care.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is just not a good movie, even by satisfying action movie standards. The action is poorly shot throughout and the story fizzles out without even a whimper. Henry Golding does his best to make the hero appetizing to the audience, but his supporting cast (which becomes overstuffed in the end) is nothing to write home about. The fantasy branded ending was when the story went off the deep end. Sorry to all the G.I. Joe stan out who are crying explaining why this is part of the lore or what have you…none of it is going to change my mind.

The cumbersome ending came with the late addition of two major characters. Úrsula Corberó plays Baroness, who is a women in power with the shadow conglomerate known as Cobra, AKA the big bad guys in the G.I. Joe universe. All I can say about her is blahhh. Samara Weaving then entered fray as Scarlett, an agent of G.I. Joe. As a huge Weaving fan, I wish that she had more things to do on screen besides talk into a phone and get a pay check.

We should talk about how expectations for Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins were always a bit too high. The director of this movie is Robert Schwentke, the man who gave the world RED (2010) which is solid, but then followed it up with R.I.P.D. (2013), The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015), and Allegiant (2016). SHEESH. Those cheaper budget action movie explains why he may have resorted to the shaky cam action trend. He is not used to having the resources…WAIT! HOLD THE HORSES. I HAVE DONE THE RESEARCH.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins had a 88 million dollar budget. That is LESS THAN what R.I.P.D., The Divergent Series: Insurgent, and Allegiant had allotted to them. It is very funny that the best action Schwentke has done has been with this lowest budgeted movie, RED.

Skip Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins. Just skip it.

STANKO RATING: D (1.5/5 Stars)


“Midnight Mass” Episode Five Review

Religion is an addiction. Faith is a symptom. That is what Mike Flanagan is nailing home in Episode Five of Midnight Mass. The chapter, which is entitled The Gospel, focuses on Riley and Monsignor Pruitt following the events of the prior episode. Riley is now one of many missing people on Crockett Island and Sheriff […]

“Batman: The Long Halloween, Part One” | DC Animated Deliver

“Batman investigates a murder spree that takes place on holidays.” Director: Chris PalmerWriters: Jeph Loeb, Tim Sale, Tim SheridanStaring: Jensen Ackles, Josh Duhamel, Naya Rivera, Troy Baker, Billy BurkeStreaming: HBO MaxRelease Date: June 22, 2021 Batman: The Long Halloween, Part One (2021) is based off of a mid-1990s graphic novel written by Jeph Loeb and […]

“Terror By Night” | A Sherlock Gotcha Tale

“When the fabled Star of Rhodesia diamond is stolen on a London to Edinburgh train and the son of its owner is murdered, Sherlock Holmes must discover which of his suspicious fellow passengers is responsible.” Director: Roy William NeillWriters: Frank Gruber, Arthur Conan DoyleStaring: Basil Rothbone, Nigel Bruce, Alan MowbrayStreaming: Amazon PrimeRelease Date: February 1, […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s